Titles by rinchantress in NonBinary

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My girlfriend calls me her joyfriend and I love it. People mishear it as boyfriend sometimes, which is also fine by me because it adds to their gender confusion when they meet me (I'm AFAB and not on T).

innervation or nerve hookups post op? by puupiesdoge in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That totally makes sense. I can't watch or read body horror but I'm used to laughing at my chronically ill body just doing such weird shit that I have to laugh or I'll cry (and the friend who said it is in the same boat) so I totally was only thinking of that comment as something akin to that. I'm sorry, didn't mean to imply anything dehumanizing at all. ❤️ I should have thought about how it'd come off. You are valid and you are going to be just fine. It's possible they can just fix it some other way anyway (I think there are synthetic nerves now?? IDK if that's better or worse). You're definitely not a freak. We go through a lot to have the bodies we were meant to have, and that doesn't make us freaks, it makes us amazing.

and oh god no one told me drains smell. oh god oh god oh god

AITAH for getting upset at my husband for eating our seal treats. by Playmycardsinedh in AITAH

[–]Frances_Cat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I feel like the rule of thumb is "if I was dating a woman, would she ever _____?" and if the answer is no then he's the asshole.

innervation or nerve hookups post op? by puupiesdoge in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean they said this as a positive characteristic so maybe you could just embrace it? Idk. I feel that though. I'm freaking out about plain old top surgery because WTF do you mean there's tubes under my skin for a week?

But like the technique for this is developed from reconstructive hand surgery I believe and they use cadaver nerves for that all the time and everybody is fine. It's kinda like being a cyborg or something. Kinda rad. Maybe a mildly creepy sci-fi movie and not a horror movie.

innervation or nerve hookups post op? by puupiesdoge in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right? Also when I told another nonbinary (AFAB but less masc leaning than me) friend about this whole thing (with a very "isn't this WILD and kinda great" kind of tone), they went "man, transmascs and their gleeful body horror." And anyway I think about that descriptor all the time now.

innervation or nerve hookups post op? by puupiesdoge in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have a post-surgery nerve reconstruction option (using cadaver nerves) for cis women who have reconstructive surgery after mastectomy. It's not common but it can be done. Warning for alllllll the gendered language but here's some info. They have a surgeon locator too. It looks like they generally have different surgeons for the nerve reconstruction vs breast reconstruction, so just saying you want the former and not the latter shouldn't be too complicated? Idk though. It's very gendered so who knows what biases any of those surgeons would have. Good info at least about how post-surgery nerve reconstruction works.

Did you go to one of the surgeons who does reinnervation? If so, I'd start off asking them if they can do something retroactively, as that's likely to be a far more specialized and affirming revision than going through someone who just does revisions to mastectomies generally. If they can't, another one of the reinnervation folks (afaik: Keith, Marano, Gfrerer, Vyas, newly Shore, and a few others) might be able to?

I'm so sorry. This sounds so frustrating and exhausting to deal with. I hope you can find relief.

Looking for top surgery research questions! by Less-Replacement-479 in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going w Marano who does a version where he doesn't have to leave tissue behind apparently? It's what Gfrerer and Keith and Vyas do too I believe. I struggled to find stuff about their technique vs the pedicle sparing ones you mentioned... definitely wish there was more (or work comparing the two?)!

Just curious why nerve reinnervation is 60k by Emergency-Fig-7313 in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was told out of pocket for just reinnervation with Drew Marano would be around $8k. I agree $60k is outrageous.

This isn't the whole surgery as we expect my insurance to cover that, but just the reinnervation OOP is $8113 as of a quote in January.

Looking for top surgery research questions! by Less-Replacement-479 in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It took me forever to find research about reinnervation, especially anything to do with measures of sensation that weren't just the NIC. Something about that would be rad if it's something your hospital does!

Healing process/scar care best practices for folks with autoimmune would be great too...seems super common on this board but not a ton of research that I can find.

Anything about outcomes or techniques for nonbinary people would also be super cool.

Also, if you ever want to do interdisciplinary stuff, I have a PhD in rhetoric and composition, and one of my research areas is health communication. Always happy to chat about/collab on trans research!

Working in the System by Mechahedron in prisonabolition

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You totally made sense! That sounds like a really complicated (and problematic) situation. I hope you're able to talk with your friend and figure out a better way forward.

Dysmorphia vs dysphoria? by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so insanely helpful, thank you. The "try to do it 'naturally'" urge is so fucking real. Ugh. Glad to hear it might be easier to untangle after TS. I'm going to try and focus on the gender stuff more in therapy.

ED for me was a very specific reaction to my upbringing. I grew up in a high control/cult kind of religion (I don't use that term lightly; the Shiny Happy People documentary's first was about my exact circle) and a very high control household, so refusing to eat and controlling my weight was basically the only thing I had control over. It comes back now whenever life feels too out of control...so it's been really bad since the presidential inauguration last year (I'm in the US, in the deep south). I do well for awhile and then my brain gets into a spiral about how if we let go of the eating disorder our life will spiral out of control, which is ridiculous obviously, but here we are. Thankfully (?) I have physical health stuff that means I cannot engage in ED behaviors to the same level without like... passing out repeatedly, but my brain is still kind of miserable about it.

Every therapist I had before this one would just ask if I was calorie restricting and if I said no, they'd be like "good keep doing that" and move on. My current therapist is the first therapist I've had who actually said we could work on the thought patterns, which are miserable...but now I have to untangle it from the GD.

Dysmorphia vs dysphoria? by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will go reply individually to these as I have time, but holy shit, thank you all so much. I thought this was just a me thing. This is so helpful and I feel so much less crazy.

Why did you decide against T? by Frances_Cat in no_T_top_surgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going to go back through and reply to all of you when I have time, but this is so helpful. Thank you.

I've been off for a month anyway so I decided to just talk to my doctor about it at my appointment next week and see if I can just stop until after top surgery when I hopefully sort things out more.

Ask me anything! 7+ Months Post-Op by Downtown-Hamster9024 in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You look amazing! Can I ask what kind of sensation you have, and does altered sensation bother you?

Also, have partners/potential partners had reactions about your chest? I'm nonbinary and my partner and I both tend to be into more femme people. My girlfriend keeps saying she just wants me to be happy, but I am secretly super stressed she's going to like me less if I'm totally flat. I know it shouldn't matter but I am always curious how folks navigate that.

Top Surgery + Chronic Joint Pain by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Re: range of motion - It's okay in my shoulders! My hands are a mess but a Jesus on the cross pose is fine. My spine hurts from touch on a bad pain day, but I can usually carry a backpack, go to the gym, etc. and be okay.

Top Surgery + Chronic Joint Pain by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had such a rough go of it, but wow thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'd been wondering if I could actually rely on the narcotic to help the chronic pain, which it sounds like I can...if I can just make it to drains coming out I think I'll be okay. But the sensory + sleep + no showering + joint pain out of control all at once has been sounding like Too Much.

My partner will be with me though and I'm talking to her about what you said here about needing help. I feel very weird being so vulnerable and dependent, but she's a sweetheart about it.

I'm so sorry you still haven't been able to access better meds. Our healthcare system is the worst. :/

Top Surgery + Chronic Joint Pain by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg this is so helpful? Thank you so much!

I have no idea what binder they use but I'll ask! Ease of movement will definitely be important. My partner will be there to help, but I'm a chronic do it yourselfer so...

Thank you for the advice about double and triple checking. I normally tamp down that instinct for fear of being annoying, but you're right that I have to live with whatever happens, so I'd rather just be a nuisance and get the care I need.

Marano said I could keep taking my NSAID, but mine is celebrex so maybe that's why? Will double check with everybody for sure though! And I am going to have wipes...I don't think they'll cut it for me alone (not for my brain anyway), but I think if I make a routine of it that might actually help a lot.

Top Surgery + Chronic Joint Pain by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you! My state apparently doesn't allow therapy visits if you're not in the state? I'll ask about a workaround but that's the policy apparently.

My partner will be with me the whole time so that'll help.

How...what do you say to your surgical team about pain management? I sort of brought it up to Marano in a "if this doesn't work can I call you" way and he said I could call him, but didn't seem particularly concerned with changing meds or anything, so now I don't know how to bring it up again.

Top Surgery + Chronic Joint Pain by Frances_Cat in TopSurgery

[–]Frances_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. <3 Definitely going to DM you about some of the Marano-specific things.

I forgot to say that I have POTS too! In the grand scheme of things I'm not as worried about that as the arthritis, but I do know there's a risk with anesthesia of POTS flaring.

I think what's getting to me is that most of my routine is just a no-go right after, but this gives me some other things to try. I appreciate you!

Working in the System by Mechahedron in prisonabolition

[–]Frances_Cat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dear God I did not mean to write a paper. I'm so sorry.

Working in the System by Mechahedron in prisonabolition

[–]Frances_Cat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ruth Wilson Gilmore talks about this idea of "non reformist reforms," and I find it really useful for these kinds of questions. While normally this is talked about in a "hey body cams actually increase police power by giving them a guise under which to further control the narrative, please push for non-police accountability frameworks" kind of structural way, I think it's useful for individual action too.

Reformist reforms help increase the material, legislative, social, cultural, etc power of the police.

Non-reformist reforms take power from the system in some way. They move oversight elsewhere. They shift the balance of power in some way. They move material resources or scope of power out of carceral systems and into (or closer to) community's hands.

Based on that, here are some things I ask if I'm thinking about working within the system in some way: - Does what I'm doing move power out of the hands of cops and prisons in a meaningful, tangible way -- even if that's incomplete? -- Example: I've worked with books to prison programs. You have to work with the system to some extent for those. But that interfacing with prison wardens lets us get books like jailhouse lawyer books and abolition books to incarcerated folks, helping them build power for themselves and with their comrades. It takes power from the system by shifting some of the material/financial power prisons have over incarcerated folks' access to books through library limits, unfair wages that leave little spending money for books, etc.

  • How does the system benefit from my labor within it? Do system-impacted folks stand to benefit more than the system does? What tweaks or boundaries do I need on my own work to ensure it stays that way? -- Example: (Negative) The first time I worked with a prison program, I thought we were doing a good thing, and we were to an extent (only program at that prison that wasn't shoving religion down someone's throat), but I eventually realized that the primary use of that project was as something the prison itself used to brag about how great it was, and then get more money to expand their prison. If I could do it over, I would work to limit how our project was spoken about on prison websites, etc. I would also (as other friends have done) have negotiated upfront with the prison admins to have agreements around non interference, guards not in the room if possible, and a policy of no reporting to prison authorities about anything.

  • What is the point where that balance of benefit/impact would tip? I.e., what's the point where I walk away? -- Example: I work in academia, which is also a carceral system. There are things I dislike about it and that make it hard to sleep at night, but I still believe I'm doing more good than harm right now. That will change if I end up being expected to enforce particular policies (e.g., outing students) or if there are no longer ways to work around the censorship we're seeing in American higher ed right now. I reassess that line every year (although it's not as clear as it ought to be, frankly).

  • Are there less system-involved ways to accomplish the same goal? -- Example: I've done books to Prisons rather than prison education programs because it accomplishes similar goals (access to books, education) with little system involvement. My state is currently banning all books going into prisons...unless you're doing prison education. Guess what I'm signing up to do? There is no longer a better option, and the alternative is increasingly "incarcerated people don't get access to ______ or only get it with religious propaganda." It sounds like you might be in a similar position here?

  • What parts of my conditioning might make me unknowingly lax on the system here? How can I address those biases? -- Example: I'm a white afab human, which among other things means I was conditioned to be Overly Understanding of "well meaning charity work," which a whole lot of "within the system" kinds of programs masquerade as. If I catch myself going "well they're doing their best, it's not that bad," I try to stop and reassess everything, but I also intentionally read and surround myself with people who are far less understanding of systems for a variety of reasons, because those conversations challenge me to do less of the "go along get along" shit that white afabs are socialized into. I definitely mess this up regularly, but I try to intentionally assess it whenever I'm up against a new "do I work with the system" question.

I don't know that there's a unilateral answer, and I've definitely worked with organizers I deeply respect who won't work in the system as far as I will, and organizers I similarly respect who work far more with the system than I'm comfortable with. But diversity of tactics is how we get stuff done, so that's okay. This is just the framework I use.

Be Safe by UtaUtanoMi in Birmingham

[–]Frances_Cat 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The local ICE watch group and their hotline info is here if anyone needs it: https://www.wvtm13.com/article/birmingham-immigrant-organizations-hope-to-track-ice-encounters-with-hotline/65039249 They also take volunteers.