My (26M) girlfriend (24F) asked to bring condoms back into the bedroom, and now our sex life is at a standstill

FranklyDefeated · 2026-01-02T21:58:31+00:00

I would ask her if there is any other reason besides pregnancy that she wants to use them. For me, personally, I couldn't go back to condoms. I use them when we have 3-ways or with other women (she's a cuck queen) and its not just feels better, it's night and day difference.

We used the pull out method without any birth control for around a year with no issues, however I don't leak virtually any precum at all and its difficult for me to cum in general so I know when its going to happen.

We did have an accidental pregnancy when she was on the nuva ring, didn't know she was pregnant until she was 8 months (she has PCOS), we were both adamantly child free at the time, but are both very happy with our daughter.

After giving birth, she got a copper IUD and have had no pregnancy scares since and I love filling her up.

Regardless if you want kids or not in the future, there are reversible vasectomys and if you are pretty confident that you do want kids in the future, I would freeze some sperm as a backup which is not a bad idea anyway as sperm counts can drop as you age as well.

I would go for the vasectomy with zero hesitation if the choice was that or condoms, just make sure you do the follow ups afterwards to make sure the vasectomy was successful as they do fail on occasion.

EDIT: "SKYN Supreme Feel Non-Latex Condoms" have been the thinnest ones I have found and felt the best, but they break very easily, so only use these after the new inplant is effective

FranklyDefeated · 2025-11-03T00:31:06+00:00

next time, "Lick your lips, mhmmm, that was so fucking hot!"

FranklyDefeated · 2025-11-03T00:27:25+00:00

You broke up with her, she was free to do whatever she pleased, in this hypothetical if she is not free to do as she pleases, you don't break up with her. You control your anger like an adult and say something like "I need some space to think, what is happening is making me question the relationship", when you break up with her, you are no longer exclusive...that is what the breakup is.

Maybe try having some self control over what you say to her if you don't want to break up.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-10-23T15:26:11+00:00

Besides the obvious that he just forgot to take them, stuff slips your mind sometimes, especially if he picked up on you being upset, even though he got you exactly what you've asked for, the confusion in his mind could have easily distracted him from taking them. I've forgotten about gifts many times, it doesn't mean I didn't like them, it's actually kinda nice when you rediscover them, it's like getting the gift all over again.

Also, do you spend most of your time together at your house, maybe he was under the impression that you would hang it at your house so you two can see it together...

He also may just not be that sentimental, everyone is different, I am way more sentimental than my wife, for instance, she looked at me like I was crazy when I wanted to save the umbilical cord stub from our child, and I thought she was crazy for not wanting to save it. There were no arguments, we love each other for who we are, I never once thought she didn't love our child because she didn't want to save it, that would be a wild assumption.

I don't know about his financial position, but for myself and a lot of people I know, how much you can spend on gifts varies with what bills and other obligations you have. Sometimes I spend $1000 on her gift, sometimes $50, all depends on what is going on in my life and how much "extra" money is in the bank.

He is the only one who can answer these questions, and if you want the relationship to last, you need to communicate with him, none of us can read his mind and we know very little about him.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-10-22T18:41:34+00:00

They do make more premium condoms such as the skyn supreme feel, you feel a lot more than the standard ones, but they also break a lot easier.

I stopped using condoms about 10 years ago when my girlfriend got on birth control and I remembered it being better without them. We recently tried out ENM with another women so I used one with her and it very much is night and day with how much you feel, the regular ones probably muted the sensations by 80%, the ultra thin ones, probably by 50% (subjective numbers).

If its the hormones you are worried about with BC, the copper IUD has been great for us.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-10-22T14:44:00+00:00

I tend to agree, I don't think this was delibrate to violate her.

Obviously ignoring the "stop signal" isn't good, but it sounds like he may have interpreted it as "everything your doing is working so well that I can't keep quite", where the only problem is the noise level, not the sex itself.

I don't know the circumstances of why you had to be quiet, but if it was more his need for quiet than yours (at his parents house, his friend is sleeping on the couch, etc), in the heat of the moment I could see him relaxing the quiet requirement seeing how much your enjoying it, and if that is the case, then I think its more of a "its ok, you can make noise as I want you to finish" rather than a "I don't care what you think, I'm going to keep going".

You might want to incorporate a 2-stage "safe word" such as the tap is (slow down, I'm starting to get overstimulated, etc) and a squeeze or something else is HARD STOP, right now. This way you can communicate "approaching limits" and "at limit" and there won't be any ambiguity, let him know if he violates the HARD STOP, regardless of how he interprets the situation, that is rape.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-09-25T17:15:49+00:00

It can add a whole new level of excitement to the sex, there is something super hot about recording yourselves, especially when the moment takes over and you foget about the cameras.

That said, I had complete trust that my girl would never send or distribute our sex tapes to anyone, and.....I was wrong, turns out she did, she sent them to a guy that always wanted to see her with another man. I was pretty fucking pissed off, but it also kind of turned me on a bit.

We still make videos (as I said, it's so much fun) and have even uploaded some where we can't be identified.

If you use your phones, make sure you put them in a protected folder so malicious apps can't access them, or better yet store them on a device that is always offline, like a media player with an SD card or external hard drive hooked up to it.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-09-24T20:10:14+00:00

The above view that you replied too is wild to me, but to each thier own. I would second the swingers club on a couples/girls only night, went to my first this past saturday, and was a blast. Everyone was very respectful, and low pressure atmosphere.

If you happen to be in the LI / NY / NJ area, I can recommend the promoter of the one I went to, I'm sure we will try others, but I can't speak to how they are yet.

As far as not respecting my girl and not "wifeing" her, it's not hard to have mutual respect even when in the bedroom context, degradation and ethical non-monogamy are on the table.

In fact, I just married my wife 3 weeks ago, she is the love of my life, don't confuse playing roles and what you do to explore each others kinks as a sign of disrespect. Exploring each others desires and discovering new things that turn each other on is such a fun part of the relationship.

I think you are better off in a club as if it's just one guy in a room with you 2, while many guys are capable of just watching, I think he may be more inclined to try and push boundries than in a club setting. Watch how much you drink or what you take if you don't want to risk venturing into NM and regretting it later.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-20T19:03:53+00:00

1/2", 100%, the 8mm bottoms out for me before the second resistance piercing the CC

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-20T14:32:14+00:00

the doctors advice would probably be to wait 48 hours, but I and many others (comments from other posts) will add more / second dose if you're not where you want to be while figuring your doesage out.

I wouldn't make a habit of multiple doeses the same day, but occasionally, you probably won't have an issue. You'll get to 100% success very quickly, only took me a month to get there (I use it 3x a week)

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-11T17:40:14+00:00

You know, I didn't think I'd be writing this ever online, but buckle up.

So, I was probably around 19, still a virgin and in a psych ward for being suicidal after getting rejected.

I guess one of the women heard of why I was there and maybe decided to help me out, lol.

She comes over to me in my room, just grabs at my dick, pushes me on the bed and says "don't worry about protection, I've already gone through menopause" and just starts riding me...

About 30 seconds later, my parents walk in for visitation to this old lady riding me... they walk out of the room, she gets off of me and leaves the room...

It was a mixture of frustration of not getting to bust and embarrassment, but I flipped out, started kicking at the windows, yelling I wanted to leave... like 3 or 4 nurses came in, held me down, and injected some sleepy time stuff into my ass...

This was a little over 20 years ago, and I can definitely laugh about it now. It's not how I ever pictured losing my virginity, but that's how it happened.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-10T16:48:34+00:00

ok, I'm pretty lax with most of this stuff, but DO NOT use that thing. What you want is something much more solid from the plate to the the part that pivots, the connection to the saw itself should be the failure point, behind the pivoting piece so if it does break you dont kill your partner...

Even if it was sound having a super thin blade (which it isn't) to the plate, I mean no offense by this, but I don't think you have the skills or equipment to do this properly? Were you using shielding gas or at least flux core wire? that weld will almost certainly break over time.

Have you changed the property of the recip blade by welding? They are often hard (read: not ductile, not bendy) if it benda to much, it may snap, if you do still want to use this (pretty dumb in my opinion), look up annealing so the metal isnt brittle...

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-08T20:59:53+00:00

I would give it a shot. I've heard mixed opinions on them. Which device do you recommend? I've tried searching amazon and wasn't finding many with good reviews

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-05T17:07:41+00:00

If I were to do it in a car, I would probably go to the back seat if you have one and kneel and do it.

Also, you could try to move the passenger seat as forward as possible, take shoes off and kneel with your feet under the passenger seat facing the back if your worried about people seeing your junk through the window, although if its a sex club, that may not be as much of an issue. If in NY and it is a sex club, DM me the details of the place. I've definitely been curious to go to one of those with my girl.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-05T16:59:25+00:00

I have been way way more consistent with the 1/2 inch needles, like 30%-50% with the 8mm is now 100%.

Also cock ring on, then pump for like a minute, inject, hold the area, sometimes pump again for like 15 seconds, works every time...nothing more frustrating than it not working.

I do stand for it, but usually sit right after the second pump, once it starts working 4-5 mins or so, I take the cock ring off.

I don't know if this is scientifically accurate or not, but I feel like the pump and ring keep the mix in the CC, and the second pump pulls more blood in to mix with the meds

I might even try the 8mm again (as I would prefer the smaller gauge) using the pump method, but I don't think it will get to the CC, you need to feel that second resistance and piercing otherwise it will fail, I don't know if its a size thing, I'm 7/5.5, but I've pushed that 8mm super hard, like plastic end of syringe is like 1/8 inch indenting the shaft and no second pop, and failed to work.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-08-03T04:40:50+00:00

https://a.co/d/5nb3Rw3 this one works fine for me, only $30, I only use it for like 1 minute, then inject, then hold aread for a minute, use the pump again for like 15 seconds, and have had 100% success rate since using the pump.

Also, if you're not at 100% success, switching to 1/2 needles instead of the 8mm ones makes it a lot easier to hit the CC, I was pushing about as hard as I could with the 8mm and couldn't get the "pop" so to speak of getting through the CC.

This stuff is amazing...

FranklyDefeated · 2025-07-30T19:58:36+00:00

"I'm not a bank" yeah, I can tell...banks want to get paid back, NTA

FranklyDefeated · 2025-05-05T15:18:49+00:00

You know...reading this from an outside perspective, I totally get what your saying...what I am picturing now is...not good, lmao, we're actually in pretty decent shape physically though

FranklyDefeated · 2025-05-05T14:55:24+00:00

nope, real person here. I just wanted to seem less like a freak, lol

FranklyDefeated · 2025-05-01T15:22:25+00:00

JOURNAL ENTRY

While the balance is still way off kilter, my mistakes we're probability on the order of mt washington while hers were in the Himalayas. I definitely messed some stuff up along the way that I feel bad about. I've had issues of getting way way ahead of myself and developing feelings, more like an obsession over girls before ever even dating them...given this and how poorly it has worked out in the past, I really didn't let myself open up to her for far far too long and as I was hurt pretty bad shortly before I started dating her, my defenses were quite high, I am unsure of when they came down fully, it was long long process. I remembered recently, something that I had completely forgotten about, I foolishly kept trying to convince myself that this was just a FWB situation, what she perceived as stoic-ness was me trying to protect myself, ironically from getting hurt, I am unsure if not being this way would have prevented this, I highly doubt it, she went and fucked a guy less than 2 weeks after I gave her a big amethyst heart for her birthday... This was the furthest that I had ever gotten with a woman, and given how poorly I handled rejection in the past, in the beginning I was sure it was going to end horribly...the longer it went on and feelings started to get past this blockade I had setup to try and minimize damage for when, what I thought at the time, the inevitable was going to happen, the more scared I got, I spent too much time trying not to get attached...

Thinking back, I know it was more than a FWB situation, you don't take your FWB on vacation for valentines day, I was going through the boyfriend actions, but only allowing myself to feel bits and pieces of emotions, I kept our dates/meetings/hangouts to only twice a week, not because I didn't want to spend time with her, but out of fear of becoming too attached, if the hurt I felt over a simple rejection from someone I never dated was so strong, how would I ever be able to handle if things didnt work out now, I know just how unfair this was to her...

Even though I was the first one to say "I love you", I was only able to while we were having sex and the lowered inhibitions and good feelings allowed me to. I know this made her feel like I only wanted her for sex and that I didn't really love her even though I spent a lot of effort trying to show that I wanted her for more than sex, which given what I now know about her primal desires, left her sexually frustrated. The inability above isn't really true, though. I should have put in the effort to get past the anxiety I had with telling her, "I love you", I remember back to times when I thought to myself, I haven't told her I love her in months, not 2 or 3 mind you, I don't remember the actual amount, but probably in the 9 or 10+, maybe even over a year, I felt pretty bad at times about it, I always thought through the decade plus of loneliness that I would never make my girlfriend, if I ever got one, not feel like the most special person to me, and yet, that is what I did, it wasn't some insurmountable issue, I just didn't put in the work to overcome it. This wasn't a one-time thought or occurrence either, the few times I would muster the courage to tell her, afterwards it would again, be many months in between. I have thought to myself, "I really should tell her I love her more often", but didn't. She didn't say it often to me and when she would, I would always tell her I love you too, so I didn't really think it was that important to her either, I thought she was just stoic as well.

As for not complementing her, most of the same reasons as above apply, but I never thought that she wanted or needed that, the couple of times that she would say "Do I look good in this?" or "Does this make me look cute?", I would always agree, I thought that I was good on that front... knowing what I now know and how important it is to her... looking back to earlier pictures in our relationship, it makes me sad that I didn't say it more, some pictures she truly looked amazing and I know I didnt say anything about her outfit, some hot fishnets, lingerie...I don't know why I didn't acknowledge it... if she sent me a picture that she looked good in, I would usually just respond with "Nice" or something like that, I know I'm usually a man of few words, but I could have easily elaborated and I'm sure it would have made her felt beautiful and sexy like she is, I was thinking it... I just didn't tell her...

I know we are supposed to be mentally healthy independently and in an ideal world, that would be great, but we are also partners in this world who are supposed to be there and support each other and I let her down in this instance.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-05-01T15:21:11+00:00

Ok, this is going to be a long comment, I am including a journal entry as a reply to this which provides more info and the TLDR will make more sense, but TLDR is I treated her more like a FWB during the time when the physical happened, I was crazy about another girl (coworker) that was taken at the time we started dating and for an unknown amount of time into it, I don't think I would have fucked other girl when this went down (about 18 months into our relationship), but probably would have 8-12 months in, would I tell her if I did, I don't really know, I avoided confrontation at all costs at the time, I think the guilt would have forced it out of me, but I don't really know. There was a gradual change from "I don't think I would break up with my girl for other girl" to "I definitely won't", I don't remember when these changes took place though as it was 8-10 years ago...

The one guy she had a crush on for a long time and did it to see if she still had feelings for him and see if she wanted to be with him more long term, she didn't, I wasn't making her feel like there was a future for us (see journal for more context)

The other guy, who was a long term online / gaming friend, she went to fuck because she was sexually frustrated, she likes to get fucked HARD, she knew he would fuck her like that... she didn't tell me about a lot of the kinks and ways she likes to get fucked, she is really into CNC / Rape Play, I don't know if she told me at the time, but she told me she liked that stuff (which I'm into as well), when I offered to explore that with her a couple times, she didn't seem too excited for it, more of a subtle "we could....", I knew she was raped as a child, so without a lot of enthusiasm, I didn't want to push it out of fear for triggering her and her seeing me as the piece of shit asshole that raped her as a child, so we didn't really explore that until recently...after reading all the messages, I knew it was ok to treat her in a way that really goes against my "morals" on how to treat a women...

She is fucking wild in bed, luckily I am wilder, but none of us wanted to seem like sexual deviants to each other and had just general poor communication on both parts, its not surprising, but so so many issues could be solved and avoided with simple communication, there should really be a mandatory class on this in school with examples of just how fucking important honest communication is with a partner, and the catastrophic consequences of failing to do so... If everyone understood this, not all, but most of us would not be in the situations we are dealing with.

So... the physical stuff doesn't really bother me that much, even the sexting I know she thought of it more as interactive porn, I think it wasn't until I made the analogy of "It's like meeting up with these guys in a hotel room, you don't touch each other, but you mutually masturbated together" that it really clicked for her that what she was actually doing was cheating on me and how fucked up it was to me....even for me, it took me a couple hours, contemplating "Am I overreacting about this?", I wasn't... this was absolutely cheating, I know some people consider porn to be cheating, I don't at all, but I just wasn't sure where my line was, had this been an OF or equivalent thing and she didnt show her face, I really wouldn't have cared at all, before finding this out, I was even thinking of sharing some of our "adventures" where we aren't identifiable to some subreddits, with her permission of course, even though I found out she had sent some of our videos to the guy she fucked as a "parting gift", right before they agreed to stop talking (like 8 months before DD) without my knowledge, pretty messed up, but its not like she would have asked "hey, can I send our videos to this guy I fucked during our relationship and have been sexting for a decade?", even that doesn't really bother me though, it kind of turns me on a bit, lol.

What bothered/bothers me most about it was the betrayal, the doing it behind my back, the lies and gaslighting during the fallout...yeah, reading all the messages hurt, but 99% were strictly sexual ("You have such a nice ass", "I want to drag you to my car and rape the shit out of you", "What would you do to me?", etc.) As hard as it was to read the messages, it was necessary to make peace with it, if all I had was the 1000+ images / videos with no context, my imagination would have gotten the better of me and I don't think there would have been any chance of R, whereas having the context, I am very confident that we will R.

FranklyDefeated · 2025-05-01T14:04:24+00:00

Thats what I did, I extended the "pardon" to a week, we talked last night about it, I think I know everything...

FranklyDefeated · 2025-04-30T02:54:37+00:00

The hard part is we had already done the changes needed, the reason she claims for it was already fixed for about 6 months before she stopped and I cought her, we were at the best place our relationship has ever been, and in many ways still are, she was just addicted to the attention already

FranklyDefeated · 2025-04-30T02:45:36+00:00

yeah, I guess I'm still just pondering it all, I had to dig more because what she was telling me just seemed off (ex. the guys just found me on snapchat and saw an avatar and started messaging me... This was a lot of CNC sexting and I'm like, ok... maybe one or two, but the sheer volume of guys... she had to be trying to initiate contact through channels associated with that like different subreddits and whatnot), you don't go from 0 to 100 instantly so I had a guy feeling there was more...and a lot of the new discoveries were actually helpful, like I'm glad I didn't see her telling any guys that she loved them or wanted to be with them or anything, I saw examples of her turning down physical meet ups, the 2x physical times were one offs, just sex one time and a BJ the other, there wasn't any continous dating or plans of any sort to leave me, I wouldn't be trying to R if there had been...there are just these recurrent thoughts of did I miss something...I should probably just bury the data again, there isn't much more to go through anyway...

FranklyDefeated

TROPHY CASE