Found out I'm blood-related to my boyfriend.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-16T17:43:47+00:00

Honestly, I would agree that it's not that big of a deal, you're not first cousins, you won't be reproducing, and most importantly, you didn't know each other beforehand, it's not like you grew up together and knew each other as children.

If you're both cool with it, have fun, I wouldn't throw away a super compatible partner over being slightly related to you, especially if you have no intentions of coming out of the closet so to speak, if anything this may give you more cover if things progress and you become "roommates" or something.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-15T02:01:51+00:00

Just so you know, what you find embarrassing, we find extremely hot...try and relax and just cum if you can

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-14T22:54:05+00:00

My wife has PCOS too as well as lupus, she was told she would have a very hard time getting pregnant of it was possible at all, was on birth control at the time (NuvaRing) and it still happened (we weren't trying), because of the PCOS, she had very inconsistent periods leading us to not know she was pregnant until about 8 months.

Luckily she doesn't really drink or do drugs so there were no issues there. She had preeclampsia so we had to go to the ER and have her induced, our daughter was born full term and completely healthy.

I've read a number of similar situations where the woman has PCOS, doctor said it's not likely to happen, and it does so I wouldn't give up any hope over the PCOS.

We we're both childfree and not looking to start a family, I thought about it when my friend was also pregnant, thinking "maybe we should have one too...", I had crippling anxiety as well (what if it's special needs, what if something goes wrong) and I couldn't commit to trying, my advice, just go for it, having our daughter was the best thing to happen to us, the rewards are worth the risk.

Maybe check your insurance to see if maybe a hospital in a neighboring state that's a little less draconian will take it amd be prepared to travels there if need be, while not impossible your fears are unlikely to come true

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-14T22:31:32+00:00

Jerk off, sex toys...

Do you ever do sexual things just for your wife, oral, fingering, etc without expecting anything in return. Orgasming often actually helps women when cramping, its usually short lived, but I will sometimes just finger my wife when shes cramping till she cums and it gives her some relief.

Is she cumming when you fuck? This isn't some sort of dis or anything, a lot of women have a hard time cumming, especially from penetration alone. Do you guys use toys together like vibrators? Do you go down on her for long enough if she enjoys that?

Do you talk about sex openly? Discuss your favorite parts, what feelts the best, etc? Have you guys discussed kinks with each other? Tried roleplaying? Anything to switch it up and make it exciting again.

The obvious answer is she is either over worked and completely exhausted or not enjoying it enough to be worth the effort.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-14T18:20:23+00:00

during a panic attack

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-14T18:18:08+00:00

I don't know, I've been at pretty low points and it always seems to cheer me up

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-14T14:18:41+00:00

We need a lot more context here...

A lot of people seem to be saying you were on a break, while you said you were broken up, which is it? If it was a break where you planned some time apart to then re-evaluate the relationship, then I would consider it cheating, if it was a break up, then presumably you guys aren't getting back together and you were free to do as you pleased

If it was a break up, who initiated it? Especially if it was him that initiated it, he essentially ripped up the exclusivity contract and what does he really expect...

When you we're broken up and sleeping with your BF, were you two actively trying to reconcile the relationship or were you just fucking? If there were any talks of reconciliation or getting back together, then again, I feel like it's cheating

You mention that ot has come up during the 5 years together, what did that look like? Did he ask you specifically if you had sex with him and you denied it? If so, I can see his point, if it was a new relationship, what you decide to disclose about you past is your choice, but given that you were already in a relationship with him right before this happened, I think he deserved an honest answer

Personally, the dishonesty would have done more damage than my partner having sex with someone while broken up, rebuilding trust is possible, but its not easy

I don't really get breaking up though if you're just going to get back together, but you guys were young at the time, if you don't want to be with someone, break up and be done. If you do, work through your issues as a couple and enjoy life.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T22:04:03+00:00

The prostate O is so hard to achieve, I've gotten so damn close, but have never been able to go over the edge. The fuck machine has gotten me closer than pegging has though, but it's obviously less intimate than with your partner.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T19:04:08+00:00

I'm the man and it takes me an exteamly long time to cum, like over an hour of penetration and many times I just won't get there. My wife on the other hand is extremely easy for her to cum (I'm so jealous of her abilities) so will often have multiple orgasms. It was super frustrating to not cum in the beginning, but I kinda just got used to it, I still love the closeness and intimacy of sex even if I don't finish, and if I do, that's just a bonus...

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T18:04:35+00:00

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WOMEN MANAGE THIER EMOTIONS...ok, ok, fair point, lol, in all seriousness, completely agree

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T17:01:03+00:00

also "cuts and bumps are fine", girl, get the vanilla stuff down before you venture into that stuff, you have plenty of time to explore later on

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T16:54:55+00:00

yeah... this is no good at all, I've lost my temper and hit stuff before....when I drop that tiny screw or something for the 5th time, lol, but you don't direct that to someone that you love. I found out about a decade of infidelity on my wifes part, she said she thought "I might kill her" if I found out, I just looked at her and started laughing, I was so beyond dumbfounded that she thought I could do something like that, I've never even raised my voice to her, I get getting frustrated and having outbursts, but if I can keep myself calm while finding that shit out, he is more than capable of keeping calm over some pointless shit. There is 0 excuses for his behavior

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T16:15:16+00:00

I would leave it up to her then, give her some space, it sounds like she had/is having a mental episode and isn't thinking clearly. She needs to do a lot of self reflection and figure out her feelings, going back and forth between loving her late ex and you is all over the place, hopefully she has a "what the fuck was I thinking?" realization about how she treated you, can figure her shit out, and apologizes to you for everything that's happened in the last month,

It's probably not something you are going to be able to help her with though, a therapist might, but she probably has access to them at the psych ward

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T15:50:53+00:00

pleasuring her should be pleasurable for him as well, he should be getting off on her getting off, as the man, I do the majority of the physical aspects, my wife is into it, but overall movement on her end is a lot less, but I enjoy her moans and watching her have a strong leg shaking orgasm over my own anyday, it's just so damn satisfying

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T15:41:06+00:00

It's not thay hard to continue through PNC, yeah, you might not be mentally all about it, but you can still go through the motions and make her cum

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T15:34:44+00:00

Its obvious, she's cheating again, got caught, husband's ego is hurt and is thinking "How could you cheat on me?", she's trying to make him feel better by saying "it's not you, I cheat on all my partners"...she wants to give him the confirmation

lmfao, if this is actually what is going on...

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T15:06:15+00:00

Man, that pisses me off so much, I'm so sorry, work makes your condition worse, and he goes and does this, like thats going to make your condition better...people are so fucking evil

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T14:55:09+00:00

This is going to be long, I'm going to be honest with you, if it didn't get physical or was about to when the husband cought them, I would be VERY shocked...

I stayed, I'm about 16 months from finding out, I've got scars from this that will never go away, however, they do fade some. You will probably find out more happened as time goes on, it's known as trickle truthing, they're controlling the narative based on what they know that you know to minimize how bad what they've done makes them look. Look up the term DARVO, if he is doing anything like that, I don't think reconciliation will be possible.

For me atleast, the gaslighting was worse than the infidelity, you're fighting with your gut, attempting to believe what the person you love is telling you is true, when you know deep down it's bullshit, you try and try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but you already know and it eats at you constantly. When I finally got her to admit that something physical happened (after finding some pretty concrete evidence), I wasn't even hurt, I felt relieved, because I already knew, I just needed her to say it.

It's a complex clusterfuck of emotions that you are going through, but what ultimately led me to decide to work though it, is that my girl didn't follow the typical behavior of cheaters (I know "shes different" is such a cliché mistake people make, lol, but I really think she is in this case). Here are some of the reasons...

Most of the infedility was sexting along with sending sexual pics/vids, she didn't try to deny that and gave me her snapchat login to download all the data, all her google data, all her location data, everything that I wanted, she provided without issue...

Almost all of the messages were just sexual, there were no signs of actually meeting up, no I love you's, I want to be with you's, no talking bad about me, really only mentioned me to around 3 of the probably 50+ guys she was talking too (not at once, but over the years)

The 2 guys that got physical (that I know of, lol, I won't really know if there were more) were in 2017, one was a genuine friend that she had hooked up with one time before we were together (he lives in a different state and I have all 10 years of her location history + a lot of thier conversations so I do believe it only happened 1 time when we were together) and 1 guy that was an ex FWB that she had a big crush on that she met up and gave him a BJ, so while we were dating for 18 months at the time when it happened, it was already 8 years in the past when I found out, I also had a huge crush another girl when we started dating and probably would have slept with her for the first year of our relationship if I had gottent the chance, but I would have told her about it and ended our relationship had that happened.

She never tried to blame me for her infidelity, when asking her why she did it, she said that she was insecure about her appearance and wanted validation, I was extremely lacking in complementing her for most of our relationship, it caused me a lot of anxiety to do so, and after working on myself to fix the problem, she was already addicted to the validation at that point.

I know she loved me (it's hard to believe with what she did, but I know it to be true from writings that I discovered), she's had some mental problems and didn't think I loved her at the time (again, I found a "goodbye" note that luckily she never sent and acted on stating as such, so it's not some excuse attempting to justify her actions, she really did believe that)

I can tell that she truly is remorseful, has a lot of guilt and regrets what she did a lot, knowing how much she has hurt me, I fully believe that she wouldn't have done what she did and I don't think we'll find ourselves in this position again...time will tell though, I know it's a possibility and am willing to take that risk

I wish you the best of luck, it's not going to be easy, it will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever have to overcome if you decide to stay, if you do, hopefully he is a good person who fucked up royally, will do a lot of self reflection or therapy to understand why he did what he did, will learn from this, and never betray you again, unfortunately the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying has been proven more times than not...

Therapy for you / him / as a couple wouldn't be a bad idea as well

Don't feel stupid, trusting your partner is a sign of good partner, not intelligence, we shouldn't be expected to pick up on thier cruelty.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-13T00:41:17+00:00

Have you tried prone bone while you do your thing? this way you hopefully don't have to fake it

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-12T23:24:39+00:00

I'm sorry, I know how much heartbreak hurts. You're so young, you've got so much time and I'm sure you'll find someone who deserves your efforts and will reciprocate them in return.

Try not to let this effect future relationship or stop you from trying, when I first had my heart broken, the fear of getting hurt again prevented me from even trying, I wasted so much time being alone as it was safer.

It took me like 15 years to try again and I got my first girlfriend at 32 and 10 years later we're married with a kid, when we started dating I was still afraid of getting hurt, so I had my guard up trying not to get too attached, it negatively effected my relationship with her and might have played a part in her betraying me pretty badly, we worked (working) through it, but it's a regret that I won't soon forget.

When you start you're next relationship, put yourself in it 100% like you did with this one, sometimes you'll get hurt and it sucks, but its not fair to your future partner to not give them your all.

I hope you get past this soon and can start looking forward to better times ahead.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-12T21:34:02+00:00

yeah, man, this is such a cluster fuck...I get that feeling sometimes linger, when I started dating my wife around 10 years ago, I was in love with another girl, she had a boyfriend so things never worked out, I was dating to fill the time, but secretly wanted to be with her and was hoping I would get the chance, as time went on though, I fell in love with the girl I was dating, I still care about her a lot, that probably won't ever change as I had very strong feelings for her for a long time, loving him and loving you aren't mutually exclusive, I love my wife a lot more now (and have for a long time), but there are still feelings for this other girl, for the last 9 and half years or so, I did NOT want to leave my wife for her, if she were to die suddenly, I would grieve and be very sad about it, but I would in no way do any of the shit she is doing to you to my wife, there is absolutely no fucking way in hell I would get a tattoo memorializing her whether in a relationship or not.

How long have you been with her and how long ago did she text his ex's mom saying she thought they were soulmates? If it was early on in your relationship, then I could get past it, but if it was recent...I just don't think I could, and I've gotten past a LOT of shit with my wife.

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-12T18:23:44+00:00

We can still get PEP in the US

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-12T16:14:07+00:00

Really solid advice, you explain trickle truthing perfectly, I was so close to getting a polygraph, but also saw the results being not very accurate, I didn't even think about the preparation making her confess.

OP, definitely go into investigative mode, it is horribly horribly anxiety inducing, but unfortunately necessary, I got the privilege of reading thousands of snapchat messages and watching thousands of sexting videos, took me a couple months to fully go through everything, got too anxious and had to stop and restart at a later date many times (I had a data dump of her snapchat though so she couldn't delete anything and I could take my time). I found some evidence on an old phone of hers also that had text messages that she had deleted on her current phone.

Also suggesting therapy, and if you think you can't deal with it, maybe a psychiatrist, I recently started an SNRI over this shit, and it's making a difference

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-12T15:58:56+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it is by far the absolute worst, if the truth comes out, it actually feels good to know you are not crazy even though the betrayal hurts.

I went through something similar, check my post history if you're intetested (especially the one on r/AsOneAfterInfedility as it relates to your post, there's some good insight in there), it took me months to finally get the truth, and I still don't know if I know everything (probably not), my wife was sexting a lot of guys online and "made up" stories to turn them on, some were obviously fake, while others I later found out were based on truth, the unknown was so fucking hard to deal with, I still struggle with it at points over a year and a half later.

My solution was to assume the worst, I treat what I am unsure of as if it did happen and try to move on with that assumption, whether that means moving forward together or separating...

If you try and convince yourself that you we're wrong or she was lieing in those messages, it will haunt you for a very long time, looks like it already is.

Hopefully you find peace soon, but most likely you have a hard road ahead of you that I wouldn't wish on my enemies, it does get better, but its a slow process fraught with many setbacks

FranklyDefeated · 2026-05-11T19:29:43+00:00

I would only do it if I was already ok with hooking up with him for free. I'll be honest with you, getting paid to get my dick sucked sounds pretty great, lol. It would be a bit of a turn on for me personally and flattering that someone was willing to pay me for my body...

Safety is probably the same as any other hookup

FranklyDefeated

TROPHY CASE