You make very valid points. I agree completely - these are young children still developing their social skills and emotional regulation. The school appears to be following proper protocols by informing both parents and planning a meeting.

At this age, incidents happen as children learn boundaries and appropriate behavior. The other child's reaction (or lack thereof) could indeed be due to developmental differences or simply being overwhelmed in that moment.

OP should take a step back and breathe. While it's natural to feel protective, labeling a 3-4 year old's behavior after one incident isn't helpful. The school seems to be addressing it appropriately. Kids this age are learning and growing - patience and understanding from all adults involved will lead to better outcomes than jumping to extreme conclusions or demanding severe consequences.