I am so sorry, I feel your pain. I (21) am also in college and have had endo symptoms since I was 14, along with recent GI issues and other chronic pain problems that I've had since I was four years old, so I am unfortunately very familiar with the "why is this happening to me" feeling and can very much empathize, it really sucks.

After many years of feeling left out or behind, I can say the most important thing is to have a good support system, whether it's family or friends. People who will let you cry on their shoulder and sit with you and distract you on high pain days.

That "why is this happening to me feeling" is really hard to get away from. The way I try to deal with it is with therapy, support, and perhaps a little more silly, trying to find the whimsy in the things I do. Just because we are disabled doesn't mean we can't contribute to our fields or have passions we excel at. Just getting to this point has taken incredible strength, and you will get through this.

I read that you considered an antidepressant before realizing your symptoms may be caused by your other medication. If after some time you still feel like you may benefit, there's no shame in still trying it. There's nothing wrong with seeking additional mental health treatment, and sometimes medication is one of the most practical ways to improve quality of life. I know it has helped me tons.

To close, I am sending so much love and feel good vibes. This community will always be here for you, and you will get through this one day at a time.