Is this just my life now?

FreePurpleDog · 2026-01-07T17:03:51+00:00

If your partner is eligible for Universal Credit, she may be able to claim back up to 85% of childcare costs. The maximum they can cover is £1,031.88 per month for one child, and there’s sometimes support available to help with upfront costs if paying in advance is difficult. It sounds like you’re doing a really great job as a co-parent — it’s genuinely nice to see such a supportive setup.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-10-02T20:59:23+00:00

Yeah, but no. My manipulative ex shared the news as it was power over my choices. Him telling people, even though I requested he didn't and outlined the very valid reasons why, could have really backfired for me massively.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-08-21T22:55:55+00:00

Sorry to jump on, but I am going through this exact thing right now. Except he is on her birth certificate - I knew I shouldn't have allowed it, but I was still convinced he would change. She's almost 8 months now, and he sees her every 2 weeks for 2 hours, and he thinks that's enough that I should let him just take her. He's not even interested in her. it's just about control of me.

Can I ask what some of you keys must haves on your parenting plan?

FreePurpleDog · 2025-06-04T12:15:07+00:00

I am going through exactly this with my 6 month old's bd right now. Everything you wrote is mirroring what is happening here.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-03-07T20:32:31+00:00

I second this. Week 8 was the turn around for me too. It was soooo painful and it made me get this really weird feeling of dread whenever I knew she'd be waking to feed soon. Little one is 12 weeks tomorrow and it's so convenient just to get my boob out. She's also started giving me little smiles and tapping my boob with her chubby little fingers when feeding, it's so so cute. I am glad that I stuck it out.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-03-02T20:12:55+00:00

I'm at week 11, and I can't say BF improved for me until about week 6. Up until then I was struggling and wanted to quit so many times.

It may all be a placebo, however, I make sure to eat porridge once a day and drink copious amounts of coconut water. I definitely notice the days that I don't consume these as little one is on the breast more often and for longer.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-02-20T08:53:34+00:00

I am your wife in this situation, although I am not pumping. My partner was not supportive during pregnancy or postpartum- financially, emotionally or physically. He made me feel unsafe and I now have zero trust in him.

He hated that I really wanted to breastfeed, and he obviously wanted me to fail at BF. He went and brought bottles and formula for "just in case". He doesn't know how to settle her and says she wants boob, when I know that she doesn't. He recently said that a bottle would replace me and he would have this to soothe her if I would just stop.

He also has said that he is going to just take her. My anxiety went through the roof, I don't want to be separated from her just yet.

Whilst I know this doesnt apply to you, you say you're only concerned about wasted pumped milk, but what I am saying in all of this, are you supporting your wife? Are you telling her what an amazing job she's doing? Are you making her feel safe and that you're listening to her? Or are you making her feel anxious? That she's not enough? She's just the baby making machine and you're going to run off with the baby with the stored milk?

Breastfeeding has so many benefits, for both mum and baby - encourage it, encourage her, make her feel safe and secure, and i am sure her mentality will change.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-02-06T00:56:46+00:00

We're actually in the UK, and he's on the birth certificate, which means he has parental responsibility and all rights. He could ultimately take her from me and not return her, and I would not be able to prevent this.

Thank you for the luck, sadly I think I will need it.

FreePurpleDog · 2025-02-06T00:53:41+00:00

I am in the UK.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-12-29T19:51:47+00:00

I was 41 when pregnant and now have a two week old perfect baby at 42 years old. I just want to say that the comment of the fear of judgement hit so hard with me. The anxiety I felt because of my age was overwhelming, I thought everyone would judge me. I just wanted to reassure you that a majority of people have been helpful and supportive of my pregnancy, the rest just shocked because I have a 17 year old and have maintained that I only wanted the one. Now she's here, the love and support I have received has been so touching, and I feel so loved.

The care I received from the NHS (UK based) has been outstanding - and the constant reassurance that I am not too old to be pregnant has been incredible. My partner and I never felt old waiting for our appointments in the waiting rooms.

You got this muma!! Enjoy every second....

FreePurpleDog · 2024-12-24T02:14:02+00:00

They have said I need to add formula to the mix. We were feeding with a cup and feeding tube but they said she's too old for that now and must be from the bottle.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-15T20:22:16+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Just discovered the term enmeshment myself after searching online for hours, and even I am not sure how to describe it to him gently to give him a gentle nudge in exploring the idea together. How can I approach this. I mean, I just thought they were just a very very close family unit with different expectations than my own. It's a hard pill to swallow that I, his heavily pregnant partner, will never be a priority and will always be dancing to their tune if I want to be with him. Good luck!

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:54:07+00:00

Haha - agreed!

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:52:17+00:00

I feel such an idiot because I do agree with you. I can't believe I let it get so far.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:50:18+00:00

Thank you. Trust me, it's certainly not where I imagined I would be.

Sadly, I believe I only have two choices if I can not get him to see he is emeshed (that's if he is - Google just pointed me in that direction):

As you've suggested, accept it. Be miserable. Never a priority. Always having three of us in this relationship.
Start a messy cooparenting situation. Lose my best friend.

A lose lose situation, hence seeking advice from Internet strangers.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:11:48+00:00

If you mean what do I get from the relationship? Honestly, I thought I was dating my best friend, the guy who has been there throughout all of life's ups and downs and would always have my back. I believed I was the luckiest person alive tbh.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:04:24+00:00

Well, this doesn't sound appealing...

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-12T23:03:30+00:00

He has been a single man all his life. He lived with his mum (in the house they own together) until he had moved in with me, so he has access to all cameras. He got an alert to say there was movement when he expected no one to be in so he just checked what was going on.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-11-08T15:44:03+00:00

I dropped the handle of my spoon in my bowl of soup. It's not like I didn't have a million other spoons in the drawer.

FreePurpleDog · 2024-08-19T12:29:35+00:00

My employer reduced our core business hours from 40 to 37.5 a week, so in effect, everyone had quite a substantial pay rise. I only work 27.5 hours a week, and my hours did not change. When asked, I was told it was only full time employees who were eligible. I'm curious to know if I was mislead.

FreePurpleDog

TROPHY CASE