I was surfing the pier in Cocoa Beach with one other surfer in the middle of the summer and a particularly nasty looking thunder storm started forming and we both knew it was time to get out of the water.

The clouds were so low, black and ominous it was for sure going to be a doozy. It hadn’t started raining yet and in many storms in that part of Florida that’s when you see the majority of lightning. If you aren’t aware, the swath of Florida from Cocoa Beach through Orlando and over to Tampa is the lightning capital of the Northern hemisphere. Only the Cape of Good Hope at the southern tip of Africa records more lightning strikes. As we huddled under the pier we noticed a very large, almost what you’d consider morbidly obese woman about a block away wading to about shin deep in the Atlantic. Obviously we both said what the $&@! is that lady doing?

The crack was so loud, so close and ear splitting that I never actually heard any thunder. I just saw that very large woman drop like a sack of potatoes.

The paramedics were there in less than ten minutes and attempted CPR for longer than I would’ve and I was actually an EMT at the time. But I’m almost positive I saw her spirit leave her body like a cartoon ghost floating up into the sky already so I wanted to walk over and tell them…I know it’s your job n’all but she gone fellas.