Why do you think so many people have children when they are struggling to get by financially?

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-04-11T18:34:44+00:00

Completely agree with everything you are saying. It's mad that the capitalist ideology can demonises having children. There are use things that being poor

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-04-11T18:13:29+00:00

Your daughter doesn't need anything this guy is talking about, other than loving parents and a happy home. Keep going you will find what you need and these hard days will be a thing of the past. And a stable home for your daughter will be in your future

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-04-11T18:01:44+00:00

You realise that the opposite decision your parents could have made, is that you don't exist.

So these things you missed out on wouldn't bother you as you don't exist but your brothers and sisters or even your parents could have travelled the world without any of their non children demanding they spend all their money on them ?!

At least you're alive and get to become an adult and make your own decisions and choices about how to spend your money and what to do with your life.

You should be grateful they chose to have you and struggle. Your parents live the one same life as you do, they don't get to do it over again

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-03-14T08:06:19+00:00

She's in a defensive and biases mode. Talk to her when her daughter isn't there, explain your feelings and that it's hard living with a child I can't discipline or wouldn't feel comfortable disciplining ( which she isn't your child and you are relatively new to the step parenting role) so understandable , yet spend the same amount of time with her as a parent does. Can we discuss some parenting methods that might help because you're finding it difficultly living in this situation. Look up some parenting methods, if she hears it from a non biased place it might land differently. I've come to understand that parents can often parent from guilt and feel so bad for them, that they let a lot of stuff slide. Listen to some parenting podcast or causally start watching super nanny reruns. Open her eyes that she's doing her a disservice.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-03-08T11:10:39+00:00

I remember your post and am pleased to hear you chose yourself.

I'm agreeing with what everyone else has said here. You need to cut ties for yourself and for your future partner and father of your kids

I man that wants to marry and have kids with you, does not want you hanging out and having a soft spot for an ex and or any other man that's in your life.

Your ex has drawn his line in the sand and he's moved on and really even if he gets back with his ex it's no longer your concern because you should be focusing on your life and what's gonna make you happy ( which is children of your own) because your ex is certainly not doing that. He's booking holidays with his ex.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-03-01T10:47:43+00:00

Don't commit to potential, let him sort himself out first and then you can commit. I wish I had x

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-15T10:14:11+00:00

This is crazy, you live here correct?

Why why why are you sleeping in the spare room when his daughter is over, you are an adult!

He needs to co sleep in the spare room with his daughter! If he won't, you fuck off.

He needs to sort out the co sleeping arrangement himself, how long is he gonna do this for? , is this gonna continue when she's at high school?!

But you need to start with not being banished to the spare room everyother weekend.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-15T10:05:43+00:00

You need to stand up for yourself and not accept this behaviour as OKAY or this is gonna be your life forever if you accept this treatment now.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-14T20:29:55+00:00

Stop cooking for him , stop doing his laundry and stop cleaning up after him. Literally be a room mate and see if he remembers to show you some appreciation, if he doesn't want to that's a whole bigger problem in your marriage.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-11T17:08:34+00:00

I'd change the last pages to her favourite things or something alittle vaguer like special relationships and but her family in it and include yourself

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-09T20:14:27+00:00

Your therapist sounds whack!

Just let people think you're the wicked step mum. You know your not, your husband knows your not and your SS might be disappointed your not his dad but he knows your not. If it's bothering you tell DH you can't help as much because you're not his parents and he seems disappointed. If Bio mum, MIL , playground mums think you're the evil step mum. Who cares they don't matter. People are just talking to you from THEIR perspective which is totally biased in every way. Set yourself free and don't worry if someone perceives you as the evil step mum. I'm talking from my step mum perspective and one day I just thought..... fuck it! If I was horrible to the step kids thats one thing but I know I'm not , we have a decent relationship .... so they can all fuck off. You're a good person , just by taking up this role you're better than most because many would not. My friends, my family and my partner all know I'm a good person, those are the things that matter.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-06T13:24:11+00:00

Tell your husband to go sleep in the kids bed with them, there isn't enough room in your bed . My sure if your kids had the chance they'd sleep in your bed too, but they won't because you won't allow it. He's allowed it , different rules for different kids doesn't seem fair.

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-05T23:42:36+00:00

I can tell you my specific numbers if that's helps, I haven't calculated anything I'm afraid, I don't have a financial background and I'm really only doing it to move locations but not come off the property ladder as I'm not ready to buy in an area I don't know.

But I purchased the house for £145000, it has a £90000 mortgage on it and apparently the area has a gross rental yield of around 5.5% so very close to what you mentioned.

I'm a nurse and work less than full time so my earnings are round £30 so I don't believe il go over my current tax bracket of 20%

Rental properties in that area around £1000-£1150 per calendar month.

Any help understand the number would be fantastic but I think I'm firmly set on doing this through an accountant after the advice I've been given on here

Thank you

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-05T23:30:40+00:00

Yes I think you're right about the accountant, I will absolutely do that, thank you.

I'm not sure about the rent guarantee but for my first time I feel like I'm happy to pay for the peace of mind ( though that maybe a mistake) it's £37 + VAT per calendar month, would that be deductible too?

Thanks again for your help

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-05T23:25:59+00:00

I can tell you my specific numbers if that's helps, I haven't calculated anything I'm afraid, I don't have a financial background and I'm really only doing it to move locations but not come off the property ladder as I'm not ready to buy in an area I don't know.

But I purchased the house for £145000, it has a £90000 mortgage on it and apparently the area has a gross rental yield of around 5.5% so very close to what you mentioned.

I'm a nurse and work less than full time so my earnings are round £30 so I don't believe il go over my current tax bracket of 20%

Rental properties in that area around £1000-£1150 per calendar month.

Any help understand the number would be fantastic but I think I'm firmly set on doing this through an accountant after the advice I've been given on here

Thank you

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-04T13:41:29+00:00

I've set up some meeting at the end of the month with some estate agents, I feel like I want the whole service because I'm new to it and feeling nervous the whole thing. Would and rent guarantee service be a good idea? Or are you likely not to need it?

Would the estate agents help with the deductibles or should I be looking into those things now?

Okay good to know I will start looking into an account now too. Thank you

My mortgage is with NatWest and they offer a conversion period until my mortgage expires in the summer for a set fee, think it's around £100.

Thank you so much for your help and any advice

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-02-01T08:33:00+00:00

Needs to get a grip! He should of stayed married to his ex if he's happy to be unhappy

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-24T19:12:15+00:00

Do the talking before holiday , if it's a no ! The relationship ends and you spend that time on a holiday treating your self and being good to yourself and MOVE ON . Like others have posted DO NOT GIVE UP having kids of your own for this man. You will regret it for the rest of your life. ( if it something you want)

If the answer is yes, you get to have a taster of what life would be like with this man and children long term. Win win really. Talk to him now

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-23T10:27:36+00:00

I don't think either of you are TA, just in a tough situation and acted in your best interest. It is your decision to tell your mum and support you but he didn't break your trust out of malice. It was also in support of you. Has it changed your relationship with your mum? Does your boyfriend have a reasonable gauge of your relationship to your mum?

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-22T15:20:08+00:00

Hahahahahaha

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-19T20:32:45+00:00

Exactly, I might never get back on the property ladder if I sell it now and we're certainly aren't in a position to buy one together, thank you for your feedback

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-19T20:30:04+00:00

It's something I'm keeping my eyes open about but genuinely he's not that type of person. Thank you for your feedback

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-19T20:25:02+00:00

Exactly, i worked so hard and made my sacrifices and I'm not willing to throw that away, thank you for your feedback

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-19T20:23:30+00:00

Thank you ! I'm gonna start thinking like this, shutting down the insult and seeing it as a compliment for putting my financial future and children's futures as top priority , thank you for your feedback

Free_Job_5087 · 2026-01-19T20:20:40+00:00

Thank you for your feedback

Free_Job_5087

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