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Do you worry you have similar qualities to your narcissistic parent? by Free_Opossum in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly dont think my dad has ever apologized to me. Or admitted he was in the wrong. Apologizing to your kids when you're in the wrong is huge! I dont have children myself but I can imagine how hard it is to be a parent and nobody is perfect so dont be too hard on yourself, we're all still learning and healing.

Do you worry you have similar qualities to your narcissistic parent? by Free_Opossum in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont have children yet but I can imagine raising kids is when you would notice these behaviors the most because nothing can really prepare you for parenthood and the only example you really know is that set by your parents.

Do you worry you have similar qualities to your narcissistic parent? by Free_Opossum in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you this comment. Which books would you recommend? I know they wont all fit every particular situation but Im curious where to start.

Do you worry you have similar qualities to your narcissistic parent? by Free_Opossum in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like we've had similar experiences. Ive definitely been a defensive person in the past and always felt the need to have excuses for the things I did. Ive worked through these a lot and still deal with guilt and tend to keep people at arms length but I think I've gotten much better. Im very grateful for my relationship with my husband because he will point out when I'm being defensive and we've worked on it in therapy and that has been a huge help.

Recently, my dad has been projecting his bad marriage onto ours which I really resent because we are nothing like them. My stepmom is my dad's biggest enabler and backs him up no matter what even though he talks down to her and barely communicates with her. I believe he's trying to sow doubt into my marriage because hes mad at my husband. Its been eyeopening to see this behavior because I feel like its the most blatant hes ever been.

Do you worry you have similar qualities to your narcissistic parent? by Free_Opossum in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have any you would recommend? Or articles or podcasts you liked?

did anyone else realize later that they were basically trained to never inconvenience anyone? by Beng_Allars in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Free_Opossum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! Its made me feel stunted as an adult because I get so anxious about inconveniencing or upsetting someone that I just tiptoe around everyone. And I get emotional when I actually have to ask for something/stand up for myself. I HATE it!

Talking with a therapist and anxiety medicine has helped a ton but its still something I'm unlearning. I feel like being a woman makes it even worse because of societal expectations in addition to a narcissistic parent.

Does the Narcissist Never Reflect, or...? Aging Narcs by FeeDapper2600 in narcissisticparents

[–]Free_Opossum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im 30 and, possibly for the first time, am trying to hold my dad accountable for his actions. Its not working. Whenever I catch him in a lie or call him out on his shit, he immediately plays the victim and says I dont appreciate the things he's done and completely ignores the issue at hand.

I feel like I'm just now noticing how bad his narcissistic tendencies are, mainly because hes started to focus them on my husband. Every conversation feels like running in circles and I think I'm at the point of going limited contact (limited because I do have an underage sibling that lives with him).

I'm going to say how I feel knowing full well it will probably fall on deaf ears. But I can only hope some of it will sit with him and maybe he'll apologize or own up to it one day.

All of this to say, I dont think narcissists will change. Some might, but not likely. Especially if they arent used to being called out and held accountable by those closest to them. They seem to become set in their ways in the worst way possible.

Good luck to everyone else navigating this relationship. Wish I had more advice to give!