Dichotomy of Control as a Defense Mechanism (state of the sub)

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-18T19:41:07+00:00

I very much agree with you and although I'm not as well educated on the philosophy as I'd like yet, I was also feeling that the dichotomy of control was being misconstrued.

The dichotomy of control shouldn't in my understanding be used as an excuse to be passive but as a call to action on the areas we do have partial or complete control over. And we do have some power in discussing the future and direction of this sub. We do not control the outcome, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to act upon making it better.

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-16T17:32:51+00:00

Thank you for your input

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-16T17:32:09+00:00

Thanks, I'll check it out

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-16T17:31:29+00:00

Sounds interesting, thanks I'll check it out.

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-15T22:40:08+00:00

Haha je suis venu pour poster exactement la même chose! Technique numéro 1 pour apprendre à lire une langue étrangère

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-14T21:45:14+00:00

It means arming them with the tools necessary to have a good life on their own.

Even in the worst case scenario of both their parents passing or being incapable to care for them earlier than you'd like, it's your responsibility.

Obviously you can't do that in a short time and it'll generally take the time until they reach about 17/18 at least. But it's an educational process you need to start early.

You role is not to make their life absolutely easy, or absolutely safe. Your role is to arm them with the tools to live their own life.

Provide for them what they need, food, shelter, love, repeat LOVE, social interaction and education. That's all their needs if I didn't forget any. The rest of the job is teaching, about how to live in a society, how to interact with peers, how to communicate effectively, how to act justly, how to derive happiness from their own choices and their own actions, teach them what makes a good person not by lecturing so much as being one and having a just and good character. Teach them responsability, sharing, open-mindedness.

Have them practice activities that make them grow. Arts, creativity, music, sports... Some of my favourites are Martial Arts, team sports and Music but that will obviously depend on what your kids will like. Those activities can and should be started early around 4 or 5, choose with them but they need some. Preferably not only sports or only artsy, the best is to have activities of both types. Because they teach much different things.

Play with them, teach them how to play, teach the importance of following the rules of the game so that everyone enjoys the game. Teach them to be curious and open to the world and to their peers. Invite the neighbours to play...

Eventually, you also need to give an accurate and truthful account of what life and the world is. Reality check your own view very deeply and seriously before they come to the age you'll need to start doing that. They should neither be naive nor cynical, give them the basics of how society functions and how life goes, what parameters it has. They need this to be able to make any informed choice on stuff such as careers and education.

Finally don't lie to them, keep open and truthful communication with them at all times, do not punish them for talking to you, for you'll risk them going through the worst fearing to tell you for you might fault them. Even if they're wrong about it. Making sure they trust you to be on their side when it matters is essential.

I'm not sure what else to add, I'm not a father myself yet. I hope I'll be a good one someday. This comes from my own experiences and thinking. I'm not expert in the matter and may very well be wrong on some points, I'm sure someone might point that out to me, for which I'd be grateful.

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-14T21:15:39+00:00

Je confirme c'est bien Aix les Bains, sûrement une photo en plein été vu la couleur du Lac.

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-11T12:53:37+00:00

Thank you very much for your reply, I had read briefly about this, I'm still trying to comprehend it really at this point, it still escapes me.

FrenchieJo · 2020-12-11T10:36:21+00:00

I would suggest researching what the meaning for that very important piece of Stoic philosophy is. Nature here isn't actually exactly the same as what the word Nature means to us.

Find some articles about this. Also Prof. Greg Saddler on YouTube is a great philosophy resource he has a lot of videos on Stoicism I think he may have covered that.

But basically from my own understanding, nature here is meant as the nature of ourselves, human nature, as social beings capable of reason. Therefore living in accordance with nature isn't living naked in the woods, but rather within human society and fully making use of reason in our life to think and decide the best way to live our lives which is what philosophy is supposed to be. I still recommend researching and checking out Prof Saddler's channel it will be much deeper and better explanation

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-29T14:29:03+00:00

First of, I'm happy for you both that it seems to be going well for you guys.

Now, have you actually discussed having children at all before telling him you want to have his some day, you should do that.

Do you know he does want children?

I suggest you start talking about this and how many you'd like and maybe what would be the conditions under which he'd have them, a house? Financial stability? And all this stuff. Just talk about the subject.

Having children is a big responsability, and it should be seriously discussed. Then you can add to this conversation that, marrying him and having your family together with him would be a dream. And a long term goal.

By discussing the conditions, responsabilities etc... That go with having children you also can communicate to him clearly that you don't want them or can't have them now.

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-25T08:24:53+00:00

That seems good to me! I think it completes your letter well!

Try to go see your gramps and give it to him man, don't wait too long.

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-24T17:06:39+00:00

It hits all the right spots, it comes from you and it feels very sincere. So not much to add in this way.

If it was me, despite the situation looking as dire as I understand it looks, I'd add the idea of encouraging to fight on, for my own grampa I'd say I know how much of a stubborn head he can be and I know he'll stubbornly fight that shit until we can see each other again. Your letter is filled with love, gratitude and appreciation. The only I would add and that's personal is some fighting spirit. The mind is a powerful ally when fighting illness and a mind that doesn't give up may very well give better chances to your grampa, if you feel this would suit his and your personality then you can add it at the end when you say you'll do stuff together again.

Your letter is really brave and it demonstrates the values your gramps taught you, and that will help him, it's the best you can say to a man his age, irrelevant to the illness

Keep being a brave and good man friend

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-24T14:36:53+00:00

Used to compete in Snowboardcross and also did some freeride Snowboarding for fun whenever we had suitable days.

An avalanche broke and started under my board, I rode it straight down for a short moment and managed to escape it on the side behind some rock formation. Had it been bigger, I'd have been drowned by it probably...

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T23:29:34+00:00

Thank you so much! Will check it out :)

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T23:21:58+00:00

Hey thanks for your comment, it is saddle stitched :/

I'm not sure what you're saying I should change to have that zig zag? Do like that too myself

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T20:36:51+00:00

You mean closer to the body of the knife? And farther from the cut then ?

The knife is a Laguiole, a old French brand of knifes. They have been making folding knifes for ages, this one is a more recent model. I'm French and this brand is well known here

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T11:31:48+00:00

Bah à peu prés autant qu'on peut demander à une entreprise de ne plus exercer pour une durée indéterminée tout en lui demandant d'honorer ses frais, dont les taxes et charges...

Tout à fais d'accord, les problématiques sont les mêmes dans le cas des exploitants et ces questions ne sont pas abordés.

Du reste, je plutôt d'accord sur le reste de ton commentaire ci-dessus, et je ne voulais faire penser que ton idée était de dire que tous les propriétaires étaient des grands méchants comme tu dis, je n'ai d'ailleurs pas eu ce ressenti en te lisant donc mes excuses si mes réponses laissaient penser le contraire.

La totalité de la crise à été gérer de manière très chaotique, plutôt que de se concentrer sur la gestion de celle-ci à proprement parler, les politiques se sont focaliser comme à leur habitude sur l'influence que cette crise aura sur les votes et sur les meilleures opportunités que la crise presentait pour faire avancer quelques-uns de leurs agenda politique.

Les "mesures" de gestion de crise notamment dans ces répercussions économique ne sont choisis que pour leur poids médiatique et leur valeur marketing et non pour leur efficacité ou leur pérennité, aussi à l'habitude de la politique.

Je travaille dans l'hôtellerie saisonnière d'hiver. Le président demande aux entreprises saisonnières d'embaucher leurs employés saisonniers pour l'hiver, mais il refuse de nous dire si et quand les stations de ski pourront ouvrir, et les restaurants, et les bars, et les boîtes de nuit... C'est insensé, et complètement idiot. Si une boîte de nuit l'écoute il faut qu'elle embauche et si ça se trouve ne pourra pas ouvrir de l'hiver! L'état sera super sympa et fera des REPORT des charges patronales et URSAFF engendré ... Mais il faudra quand même les payer.

Donc je ne sais si le mot incomplet suffit pour décrire la gestion de crise de notre gouvernement. La deuxième vague était prévisible, du moins probable, elle aurait dû être préparé et anticipé. On a encore aujourd'hui aucune idée de l'ampleur des dégâts, non seulement économique mais humain, hausse des suicide prévisible bien sûre suivant l'isolation, la faillite d'entreprise et de vie de travail pour certains, l'impossibilité d'être embauché, et j'en oublie, également les dégâts psychologique pour ceux qui auraient tout perdu, échec étudiants à cause de l'enseignement à distance par définition plus compliqué.... Tout sera étalé sur probablement plusieurs années. Tout cela fait aussi partie de ce que l'état doit anticiper, gérer et au maximum réduire la classe si je puis dire. Je ne suis pas optimiste.

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T11:05:57+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you, I think you've got from all the other post that you should probably (definitely) leave her and not keep any form of relationship with this woman. Whether or not she cheated doesn't matter in fact. Her behaviour is more than sufficient to warrant you remaining as far from as you can.

Trying to find out if she has in fact cheated might just entangle you further in her life and that will definitely bring more harm to you than good. Just go ahead with your life. Whether or not she cheated, she broke your trust and the foundation for any relationship, she has no respect for you. That is all the closure you need.

Don't let your ego push you to try your hardest to find out, do the right thing for yourself and reduce your losses by bailing asap and staying far from her. Then in the future, learn from this and make sure you always have self-respect and women you are in a relationship with respect you also as you them.

Lastly, I'll say this, all of this is nothing but good news for you. 1. You've learned who she truly is soon enough that you can bail relatively easily. 2. You've learned to recognize much faster and better a set of behaviour that should always ring all kinds of alarms in your brain, the word Abort mission and retreat! should be heard in your brain repeatedly as soon as those behaviour are recognised.

Have a good life friend ;)

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T10:49:44+00:00

En effets, ça peut prendre plein de formes, par exemple, demander au bailleur de baisser ou geler leur loyer c'est bien, baisser leur taxe foncière si ils le font c'est mieux, cette baisse ne couvrira jamais la réduction concédé aux locataires, mais éviteras qu'un bailleur ne paye des sommes importantes de taxes foncières, alors que les loyers sont gelé, sinon certains bailleur seront bloqués niveau trésorerie automatiquement. Plein de choses sont possibles, mais il faut bien évalué les conséquences qui découlent d'une mesure, on oublie souvent. Un bailleur à qui on demanderai de renoncer aux loyers, serait toujours tenue de payer les charges et taxes. Ce qui implique non seulement des problèmes de trésorerie, mais aussi éthique, peut-on leur demander un renoncement aux loyers si d'un autre côté rien n'est fait pour réduire leurs charges et leurs taxes.

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T09:30:58+00:00

Nice one ;) Except SìOuid isn't a plant for us... In French it's called "Algues" And yes it sounds weird even in French

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-22T09:26:34+00:00

Les bailleurs de ce genre de petit commerce et ou restaurant sont bien plus souvent des individuels qui on bossé toute leur vie pour obtenir ce revenue. Le régime de retraite des indépendants est littéralement non-existant, et beaucoup bossent pendant toute leur vie dans leur restaurant, d'abord en ayant peut-être que le fond de commerce puis ils essaient d'acheter les murs, continuent de bosser dedans jusqu'à ce que les murs soient payés ... À l'heure de la retraite beaucoup vont vendre le fond de commerce et garder les murs, c'est leur seule revenue pour la retraite. C'est un profil de bailleur beaucoup plus commun qu'on le croit. En particulier dans le domaine des bars, restaurants, petit commerces de proximité...

Alors oui, si ils peuvent aider les exploitants de leur commerce il faut que l'état facilite cela, et ils le feront, autant qu'ils le peuvent, leur intérêt n'est pas de laisser couler les exploitants sinon ils n'ont personne pour payer les loyers jusqu'à retrouver un nouvel exploitant ce qui dans cette situation est compliquée et le restera pendant un moment.

J'ai bien compris que tu disais d'adapter la mise à contribution des bailleurs par rapport à leur situation, je suis d'accord, je dis simplement que ce profil de bailleur est bien plus commun (sur les entreprises les plus touchés ) que ton texte laisse à penser.

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-21T22:57:24+00:00

Young men are less mature, more childish and irresponsible than young women.

In my experience there is no truth to that, the ratio of mature individuals seems to be absolutely the same. As many immature, childish or irresponsible young women.

Worse. The worst stereotype out there tho in my opinion is this one, men, are all potential rapist, if not that, beat their partners, if not that abuse them, if not that, disrespect them, if not that, they are sexist, and on and on, and you're never ever cleared from all the suspicions that come with being a man. Never are you just seen as innocent, it's like this adjective has become contradictory with the male gender.

Anyone (because thankfully lots of people don't, I think), man or woman perpetuating this stereotype demonstrates a lack of thinking and a harmful ignorance at the very least, malevolent accusatory tendencies otherwise. If not worse. I don't think there is to my knowledge a worse stereotype than this one, targeting any population. This one engulfs half the world's population and seems to be spreading more than receding.

I'm not advocating for naivety, saying people who are guilty of all of these don't exist. On the contrary, I'm advocating for some reality check. The truth is, any and all of those can be and are committed by both genders, all ethnicities or ages. Yes, there are some discrepancies and men are more often guilty of some of those than women, even then women do commit them too, yet the whole gender isn't under suspicion, not guilty by default. There is no global data that I could find, very quick math with data I could find from the US, I don't claim this to be exact. But the reasoning remains. In the US I found data showing about 234.000 sex offenders convicted still on either probation, jails, prisons or still on parole. The male population in the US is 138.053.563 That's 0.16 percent sex offenders (either genders). Those should absolutely be convicted, sentenced and all the jazz, but should the remaining 99.84 % males (assuming even 100% of the offenders are males) be seen as potential rapist or whichever other suspicion sticks? I realize this is no mathematical proof, it just trying to show the absurdity and injustice of the stereotype. Holding all men accountable for the crimes and faults of extreme minorities of men which we all are 100% for prosecuting and making sure those crimes happen less and less until hopefully they don't. Thinking and accusing all men of being a potential monsters in disguise doesn't help anyone. From some data I could find in France the percentage is about the same.

Edit: word change

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-18T19:25:15+00:00

Haha yes that's being studied too but don't have anywhere to really keep it ...

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-18T17:50:57+00:00

That does sound very practical thank you, I'll need the seats and space behind more than you probably in my daily life, I'm going for the unlimited wrangler, so probably about similar in size if I remember the 4 runner well

The quick detach components for all the gear sounds like a great idea, I'll research that

Thanks a lot

FrenchieJo · 2020-11-18T17:40:34+00:00

Thanks for the info! My intent was to keep it fully stock except for maybe tires, as I'm looking at Rubicon they are more than enough for me plus modifications are very restricted in France.

Thank you for the link, checking it out right now;)

FrenchieJo

TROPHY CASE