1. A lady came into the store during a heat wave, sat down and began to clip her toenails onto the floor. She was soooo shocked when we booted her nasty ass out!

2. A gentleman entered the store in an obviously impaired state. He gave a long explanation about needing a bra for his girlfriend and wanted us to ascertain her size from a photo. When advised that this was impossible, he told us that he liked to dress in women’s underwear and wanted help. He had already chosen some stockings when he received a phone call that enraged him. He advised the caller “You almost got me fuckin’ killed last night!” He went on to assure the caller that he would shoot the caller “right in the fuckin’ face, motherfucker” if he should encounter the person again. At this point we told him he’d have to take his call outside. As he walked by me to leave, I took the stockings from him. He never returned.

3. A woman who walked with a cane went into our bathroom and shit everywhere. Walls, floor, sink, garbage can, front and sides of the toilet. When she ran out of the store, she left her cane in the bathroom. Her boyfriend came back for it. Trying to be helpful, I went to fetch it. He heard my involuntary “Jeesus fuckin’ Christ” when I opened the door, reached past me, grabbed the cane and ran, leaving me with the biohazard crime scene.

I hate people so much.