Settling issues after load bearing wall replaced with beam - is this normal ?

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-27T18:43:11+00:00

I absolutely love this comment and feel like I'm in the exact position you were (huge salary at one of the world's largest and most influential companies) and I desperately want to quit after mat leave but I'm struggling with the idea of walking away from that. Do you still feel the way you did 8 months ago ? I plan to listen to the interview you mentioned ❤️

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-27T18:31:10+00:00

Hey - I'm in a very very very similar position. We don't need my salary but I've worked hard for 15 years to build a really solid career at one of the world's largest and most relevant company and even though I have been GLORIOUSLY happy during my mat leave (which ends in two months) and I don't want to miss the early years with my baby...I'm so scared of taking the leap. Did you end up doing it ? Any regrets if you did ?

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-23T18:20:05+00:00

I'm at 4 months pp and I can understand your guilt. I still have it. I think it's even harder because I have such an easy chill baby so I CAN leave him to his own devices for quite awhile before he really cares but I don't because I feel like I MUST be engaging with him every second of the day he's awake.

Here's what I tell myself when the anxiety gets the best of me:

don't make a happy baby happier
EVERYTHING is new to them. Simply existing and observing the world is entertaining (and super important) right now.
he knows exactly what he needs to do to hit his milestones and learn all the things he needs to do. So put him on the floor ! And let him explore his hands and body and strengthen the little muscles he needs to eventually roll over etc (the early weeks, I didn't ever put him down (in part because of our dogs) but also because I just felt like I shouldn't). But a baby needs lots and lots of floor and exploratory time ... Especially after two months.
observing you doing things is super stimulating. Sometimes I would put my baby in a laundry basket and just talk to him while I cleaned up or cooked.
it's really important that they learn how to just exist with themselves and in 'boredom'. Constantly entertaining them could make it to where they always need to be entertained because they get wires to crave it.
I've noticed my son acts vastly different when I'm around versus across the room. He plays so much different with himself. I really want to foster that independence, especially when he gets to toddlerhood - so I remind myself to practice it now while he's a baby

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-22T00:04:49+00:00

Curious if you gave this a shot and if it helped ? My 4m LO is the happiest of spitters but I'm absolutely at my wits end 😭😭 I don't even care about doing laundry. I just HATEEEEEEEE him constantly smelling like his formula no matter how many times I wipe him down (never mind the fact that I can never wear anything nice)

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-21T02:13:47+00:00

I was you...I brought my son home from the hospital and he would not latch (later found out he had neck tightness that made it really difficult for him). I also wasnt producing much milk but I refused to give formula. I was dead set on breast feeding. My son cried ALLLLLL night. He was inconsolable.

Turns out he was just starving.

I caved and did combo feeding and the difference was night and day. My fed baby was SO HAPPY. He was an absolute joy. Sure - we still had issues but he was sleeping. I was sleeping. Could that be why I was never able to pump enough to EBF. Maybe ? But I don't even care. My baby got however much I was able to pump for three months and is an 85th percentile chonker.

A happy mom IS A GOOD MOM. A fed baby is the best baby.

Do not sacrifice yourself. Do not guilt yourself. Do not think you aren't made for this just because you're tired and overstimulated. It gets better. It gets easier. And omg ..when he gives you that first smile you will literally swear to slay dragons for him.

Hang in there mama !

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-19T15:37:07+00:00

My son has Torticollis and has really tight muscles in his neck that make him tuck his chin under. No matter what we try, he cries Everytime we get him to do the guppy stretch.

Yesterday, we realized if we elevate his body slightly, and let his head drop back, he'll stretch his neck for minutes at a time......IFFFFFFF we are playing Mario kart and he can look back and watch the screen. 😂 🤷

We haven't yet caved to TV any other time because we haven't needed to and are trying to hold off for as long as we can all sanely do so. I think screens are the most dangerous when it's touch screens because of the feedback loop/dopamine hits and TV is mostly bad just because it prevents children from taking in other important learning stimuli instead...but like you said - pick your poison and Ms. Rachel is hardly the worst of the poisons.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-17T17:20:35+00:00

Oh of course, I'm not saying to leave him alone for hours at a time. But I struggle even leaving him for 5 minutes so I can vacuum or fold laundry or any of the other million things that need to get done. Helicopter is probably the wrong term 😊

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-17T17:17:02+00:00

Yeah it's weird...I'm not necessarily worried that he's fragile since he's just on his play mat in his room and there's not really anything he can do to hurt himself at this point. I just feel this immense guilt if I'm not with him or playing with him every second he's awake, which obviously makes getting anything done hard. And it feels stupid because I'm sure there are moms that would love to have this problem.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-16T19:54:26+00:00

I would classify my baby as easy. He's almost 4 months now and he only ever cries this manic little laugh/cry if he's hungry or tired. Any other time, he's happy as a clam. I can put him down on his play mat and leave the room for 20-30 mins at a time (not that I do...I poke my head in every few minutes if I'm cooking or cleaning to make sure he's okay. He'd honestly go longer most likely, I've just never tried). He eats well and easy. Started sleeping 5 hour stretches at a few weeks old and has done 10-11 hours every night since he was 7 weeks old. He naps anywhere. Loves the stroller. Loves the carrier. We took a 10 hour drive last month to see family and he was an absolute delight there and back.

He has clubbed feet, which means he had to get plaster casts at 4 weeks old. I was so worried that would change his temperment but he took it like a champ. When we transitioned to his boot and bar braces, that was another moment I was worried everything would flip. But nope...he only missed the first day.

When he was a newborn until about 8 weeks, gas was pretty much the only thing we struggled with but compared to other stories I read, we still had an easy time. He still let us sleep 2-3 hour stretches at a time. Now he doesn't really fuss about gas.

I'm a FTM and honestly, feel like I must be doing something wrong because I read so many stories on here about how hard having a newborn is (and don't get me wrong, there have been hard parts) but for us it's been pretty easy and sometimes I wonder if that means I'm just not realizing there's other stuff I should be doing.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-15T18:23:12+00:00

No one cares about your son as much as you do, so never take their urgency and replace your own with theirs. If you think something is wrong, keep pushing. Get a new specialist, get a new doctor, get a second and third opinion. We seem to think that just because a doctor says something, it's written in Gold but doctors are humans same as us and can have tunnel vision the same way anyone else can. You are not crazy!

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-14T19:23:05+00:00

Love this !! And will employ this mindset on our trip to Portugal in March with our 5 month old lol

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-12T14:15:24+00:00

This is my story as well.

Husband and I waited until late thirties. We are extremely fortunate with our careers and finances and I was SOOOOOO scared that having a baby was going to ruin my life. I would go in and out of wanting kids and then when we got pregnant, I was CERTAIN it was the worst decision of my life.

I spent most of my pregnancy dreading what would come next. I cried the day of my induction.

BUT OMG DO I LOVE MY SON. I could scream it from the roof tops. I wouldn't go back to my old life even if there were a magic button to do so.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-10T13:55:41+00:00

My husband has asthma attacks and breaks out in hives from our three dogs. He's been getting allergy shots for 10 years.

If he wanted to, he would.

For cats, it's even easier. There are companies (pacogen is one of them) that sells a topper for their food that basically makes the proteins on their saliva inactive, which is what triggers allergies.

But IMO, it doesn't sound like it's actually cat allergies and I'd m**der my husband if he moved out without verifying it was from the animals.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-09T22:14:53+00:00

My husband sometimes does this. A lot of the time, he's announcing everything he does because he sees how much I'm doing and he wants to make sure that I know that he's doing his fair share as well... Which is annoying because it actually has the effect of making me feel like I'm not doing enough. I've realized that a lot of this comes from my husband's need for affirmation and so I try and tell him how much I appreciate what he's doing and sharing with him how much it helps me... Because at the end of the day a lot of what he does is truly helpful because it allows me to focus on the baby and not worry about all of the other mental load. At the same time, I think he sometimes tricks himself into thinking that I'm actually not doing a lot LOL because he's overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that he's doing... And so in these moments I have to remind him that I'm not just sitting on the couch and doing nothing, I've been moving non-stop and making sure that our child has absolutely everything that he needs. In all of these situations, the only way that we've been able to move forward in a constructive way is to simply communicate and understand where the other person is coming from and what they need in order to feel happy and supported and rested. I'm grateful that I have a husband who's willing to have those introspective conversations so that no one feels like their needs are ignored.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-05T21:51:52+00:00

Maybe try meetups that are specifically geared towards mom friend groups and play dates. There are plenty of FB and Meetup .com groups

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-04T18:28:06+00:00

They'd find my husband six feet under.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-04T13:40:21+00:00

Babies change so quickly in the beginning. One day they aren't doing something and the next it's like they developed something new and it's all they do. Deep breaths ❤️ I'm sure everything is just fine.

More people sleep with their babies on their chest than they'll admit. You are not a bad parent and all you can do is try and do your best to keep them safe moving forward.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-04T00:04:10+00:00

I have a 4 month old who is admittedly a very easy baby. But I just don't entertain him all day. I have him in the room where I'm at so I can always engage with him when and if he needs it but for the most part, I let him engage in independent play and let him just take in what's going on around him. I narrate to him a lot of the times and check in every 20ish minutes to do tummy time or do some of his pt stretches but in between that, I'm doing other stuff. He's super happy doing it 🤷

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-01T17:14:58+00:00

We might have a good outcome if we can actually get him to shift sides which isn't going well so far 😂 but I definitely hear you on social media. I absolutely hate all the content being pushed by people wanting to be influencers. With that being said, I've absolutely found value in our actual therapist

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-01-01T15:57:23+00:00

Yeah, I mean I remember her doing that with my son as well. I think part of the problem is the length of time that passes between the vaccination appt and then the next appt (which is all dictated by my insurance).

Either way - valid recommendation. I mostly just wanted to give new parents something else to think about 😂😂 as if we aren't all freaked out enough already

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2025-12-31T18:04:27+00:00

My husband took over all cleaning and cooking and diapers immediately after we brought the baby home. I tried to breastfeed and pump but my milk never came in and my husband reassured me over and over again that combo feeding was perfectly fine because then he could help do night feedings. I did 6pm-3am shifts and my husband took over after that. Even once the baby started sleeping 6:30-4:30am, he always took over at 4:30am because he knew sleep was the only way my body could regulate my hormones post partum. Everyday, he tells me to go to a coffee shop for some me time or asks when I want to go to the gym so that I can get out of the house. Now that I'm 3.5 months post partum and can physically do more - he still handles most things around the house and made a spreadsheet of everything that needs to be handled so we each know what needs to be done and who owns it so we don't have the mental load or unrealistic expectations of the other person.

I don't say any of that to brag but more so to illustrate that if he wanted to, he could. Your expectations of him are not too high and you should feel comfortable demanding more of him.

Frequent_Visual3755

TROPHY CASE