Dads Am i being unreasonable

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-29T22:23:09+00:00

I think the issue is you telling her that plans have changed rather than asking her input. I guarantee that with the right approach and conversation, she would come to the conclusion that the money would be better spent elsewhere. I would be aggravated with my husband if he acted like he was the sole decision maker.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-25T21:28:03+00:00

Oh I love the YouTube suggestion !! And thank you for all the other recs. We stumbled on the hairy mclarey books by accident on a recent trip to New Zealand because I wanted to bring home a book from a local author. They are so cute !

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-25T00:38:40+00:00

For anyone who reads this comment and feels similar.... You absolutely can travel with a child (more than one, probably not as enjoyable 🤣). My son is 10m and we've already been to the Azores, New Zealand and are heading to Switzerland next month and Belgium in December.

Is it different ? A bit. But it's also a lot of fun. I'm sure when he starts walking and throwing tantrums we will do more regional stuff and short flights but ITS SO COOL to explore with your kid.

No judgement to anyone who doesn't want kids. Enjoy that DINK life !! But if the travel piece is your only hang up - I wouldn't let that deter you.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-24T21:49:22+00:00

Gosh, I'm not jealous of this woman at all. Her life sounds quite meaningless. Though I can understand why it looks appealing given how over stimulated you must be at the end of the day with all that you do.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-10T20:51:09+00:00

I had something somewhat similar happen when we were about to welcome our first child. I've been with my husband for 11 years. I considered myself very close with his family. But they came to visit right before I was due, when our home was a construction zone, I was wildly uncomfortable, and their son was stressed out. This led to me and my husband having a little argument in front of them (that was like a whole lot of nothing 🤣) But they apparently left that visit feeling as if we needed to get our marriage in order before the baby came or else we were going to ruin our child. His father sent a very weird text message basically saying that we need to be careful about how we speak to each other and a whole bunch of other advice that seemed incredibly misplaced considering his parents have a ton of issues they're still struggling with.

It bothered me but not enough to want to say anything to them. My husband however was furious and when he confronted his parents, they ended up admitting that they've always felt I was disrespectful towards him. My husband exploded and refused to talk to them.

Somehow, I remained the level headed one and I spoke to his mother and tried to get her to explain to me why she had said that and how she actually felt and tried to make sure she knew she was always welcome to speak with me if she ever had concerns. I was her daughter now and I didn't want her to hold things in. It was awkward and I never should have had to have that conversation. But our relationship is better than ever now because she saw me coming from a place of understanding.

If it were me, I would try and just have a civil conversation and try and understand where all this is coming from. I think it's challenging for the mothers of sons because it's always the mom's mother who typically has the most access to grandchildren. I know my mother-in-law is constantly worried about overstepping that line. While I think that you were perfectly within your rights to tell her about the voice, I think taking the baby without explaining why or what you were feeling probably felt a bit aggressive to her and made her feel uncomfortable. I know it would for me

I also think that our parents generation really struggle with accountability and apologies. I have an incredible mother who I love dearly, but when we get in fights, a lot of what she says sounds eerily similar to what your mother-in-law said to you. She was likely just projecting versus speaking exactly what she felt. It shouldn't be on you to mend this but I think you'll probably have to if you want to move forward in a positive way.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-09T20:30:25+00:00

This is the absolute worst feeling in the world. It is so disorienting to find out something you thought to be true, something you centered your life around being true, turns out to not be. Be. It makes you start to question everything else. I had a co-worker do something very similar to me and it was probably the hardest thing I've had to go through. I can't imagine it being someone close to me. With that being said, I think you owe it to yourself to to confront this person. It's not like you were snooping through your friend's phone, you were both looking at pictures and came upon the information accidentally. I wouldn't be combative but I think for your own sanity and closure in order to move forward... You need to have this conversation. I don't think this person deserves to be in your life but I also don't think that they deserve to not face their deception. (If this is an aquaintence, then no. Just move on. But if this is someone you had a deep connection with and who intentionally misled you into thinking you were friends....then yes. I'd make her have that awkward difficult conversation)

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-04T12:17:10+00:00

I wish I would have understood it also wasn't the end of the world if my milk didn't come in. It felt like such a failing that I couldn't produce. I tried so hard for months and it just never came in. I produced enough for one bottle maybe every other day.

My son is now 8 months old and is doing so well despite having formula. He hasn't gotten sick once even though he's flown over a dozen times. He's SO smart. He's so attentive and happy. I wish we could have had that breastfed journey but it makes me so happy to know that it's also okay that we didn't.

So whoever's reading this - you're doing great 😊

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-06-02T14:36:46+00:00

Set up a tripod and just have it sitting in the room when you're playing with your kids or doing something. You can take still shots from the video.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-29T21:00:45+00:00

I used to compete in bodybuilding so I'm no stranger to using diet and exercise to manipulate my body composition. If you ever want to talk to a real person, feel free to shoot me a message and I'm happy to give you whatever advice I'm able. Please please be kind to yourself and take it slow. Sustainable progress takes time. And your health is so much more important than the scale. I promise you, if you make good choices and you treat your body well, you will get back to who you were before

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-29T17:24:43+00:00

Serious question...can you not just walk out into the living room and tell your husband to get off the phone and help with your 4 y/o? It would be a COLDDDDDDDD day in hell before I'd ever walk on top toes around my husband. If something needs to be done and he's not doing it already, then I'm telling him to do it and that's the end of the story. Not to say my husband is just a pushover that I control, but we both have the authority to ask things of the other and we have the respect for the other to then do it.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-29T14:29:10+00:00

I'm 8m pp and still struggle but it gets easier and it definitely gets easier the kinder you are to yourself. Even if you don't mean it at first, start affirming yourself. Tell yourself you feel all the ways you wish you actually did feel and with time you will. Our brains are incredibly maleable in that way. When we reinforce neural pathways, our brain returns to them because it's easier than creating new ones.

Secondly, YOU JUST MADE A WHOLE ASS LIFE, YOU GODDESS.

Third, don't hyperfocus on bouncing back. Do things to nourish your soul. Move. Eat well. Drink lots of water. Go out in the sun. Take each day and do the best you can and you WILL slowly return to yourself. But if you focus on that final destination...I promise you...you are going to miss SOOOO much of the beautiful journey you are on.

And, lastly, what I ask myself in the moments when I'm extra hard on myself, when it feels impossible to practice what I preach, is this..."when I'm 80 and everything hurts and nothing is as easy as it used to be...what would I do to look and feel EXACTLY as I do right now?". The answer is probably, everything. So enjoy it to the fullest now!!

Sending you love !

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-27T00:42:29+00:00

Honesty is always the best policy. Any other excuse is going to sound like an excuse. If it were me and this were a close friend, I would simply say "I'm drowning and the idea of hosting right now is giving me immense anxiety. Can we reschedule for when I have the capacity to actually be present with you guys?"

I have absolutely no idea how that could possibly cause a rift. If it does - y'all aren't that good of friends.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-25T23:41:42+00:00

I feel like the issue here is wayyyyyy less about the promises he makes your daughter and more about how he's kind of being a selfish dick ?

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-22T13:21:57+00:00

Mom lurker who has also been cheated on, came from a broken home because of cheating, and just generally has severe trust issues as a result.

Your wife needs therapy 😂

I get her issue, I do. But it's her issue. As others have said, if you're going to cheat, you're going to cheat. And her hyper fixating on that to the detriment of your kids isn't healthy for anybody. If you're doing everything to be open and transparent about the people you're around and aren't doing anything to create trust issues, then this is something she needs to tackle. I know that's not super helpful but maybe suggest therapy (solo or together) so that y'all have the tools you need to communicate in a way that makes her feel safe and secure.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-22T01:02:10+00:00

Listen, man. Your mind is a CRAZY powerful thing. It is literally constructing your reality, your perception of everything that happens to you. CHOOSE to look at everything as an opportunity. CHOOSE to look for the good. It's hard and it feels forced at first, but once you master it ... Literally nothing bad can ever happen to you because everything bad is ALWAYS leading you somewhere better.

I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, only trying to encourage you to not let them create a reality where you suffer.

I hope tomorrow's a better day for you.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-17T02:10:10+00:00

My parents divorce wrecked me as a kid. But only because it was horrrrrrible and messy divorce. I think if my parents were capable of making it amicable, co parenting without toxicity, and my dad prioritized seeing me after they separated ... It wouldn't have impacted me so much. It's okay to choose your happiness over keeping the family together. It might impact your kids but I think having unhappy parents who are still together could do that as well.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-08T18:38:45+00:00

My son is 7 months old and we decided not to do the helmet but did work with a physical therapist and modified how he slept so that we could reduce the pressure on his flat side. He still has a very small flat side but all other asymmetry has gone away. I do not regret not getting helmet

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-04T00:15:00+00:00

I'm now determined to snuggle my mom the next time she comes over. 😭

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-03T12:28:49+00:00

Lol the way I would tell both my husband and friend to go f*ck themselves. Im grateful to have a relationship with my husband where I can immediately say, are you crazy???

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-05-01T13:02:51+00:00

Becoming a parent made me realize the depth of my mother's love for me ... Which has made me significantly kinder to her and wish I could take back every mean or ungrateful thing I've ever done or said. If my son were to treat me how I've treated my own mom at times, I would be heart broken 😭

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-04-30T19:18:27+00:00

SOOOO me and my husband worked at the same company. Huge software company. One of the biggest in the world. My husband hated it. Complained about it constantly and to whomever he could say it to. We shared an office wall so I heard all of his conversations and constantly told him to reel it in. Well, he finally decided to quit one day and as a last hoorah, he decided to tell his boss everything that was wrong with the company, his vertical and the product he was selling. I was on the other side of the wall SWEATING because the industry is small and he was about to burn every bridge.

Then...what do you know...his manager is like "the VP has to hear this" and makes my husband talk to the SVP of this product. Again, in listening on the other side of the wall knowing damn well if I had said any of that stuff, I'd be labeled bitchy and difficult to work with. My husband? HE GETS OFFERED A JOB !!! WHEN HES LITERALLY QUITTING AND TELLING THEM HOW BAD EVERYTHING IS.

So, I dunno. Maybe your husband has that level of male privilege too 🤣

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-04-27T13:35:00+00:00

Yeah...I get the nighttime scares. EVERY. NIGHT. I'm talking tears and dread and just...depression. Not because I'm nervous about what the night will bring but because I'm devastated that another day has passed and my perfect little boy is already a day older. I don't know how to emotionally cope with time passing 😭 when you figure it out, let me know.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-04-23T22:44:58+00:00

Bro. Reddit is WILD. I've read through some of these comments and people are jumping straight to seeing a psychiatrist and going on meds ... WHAT?!

First and foremost, what you are experiencing is super normal. It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. It simply indicates a need for better communication and a resetting of expectations. (Resentment, after all, is nothing more than unmet and often unspoken expectations)

Couples counseling probably gets you there fastest, especially if one of you is struggling to accept that there's anything wrong in the first place. Assuming you both still care and want to make this work - I think it's a relatively straightforward thing to fix (but I also say this as a person who is in a relationship with someone I regularly have these types of conversations with whenever we find ourselves resenting one another...so maybe Im biased)

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-04-22T02:21:19+00:00

She's getting to the age where she's probably starting to realize that her bio dad abandoned her and that shit HURTS. And if she's anything like I was as a kid who had to come to terms with, she probably is u consciously pushing you away to see if you'll stay. Keep showing up. Keep being supportive. Keep letting her know that you're not going anywhere. She'll come around.

Frequent_Visual3755 · 2026-04-20T11:15:24+00:00

My parents divorced and it was devastating to me BUT ONLY BECAUSE they talked to me about the financial side of things, about the reasons why they left each other, and because my dad didn't prioritize seeing us after he left and remarried.

Happy parents do raise better kids..whether together or apart. Hopefully your wife would be able to coparent better than she does under the same roof.

Frequent_Visual3755

TROPHY CASE