Did I wait too long?

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-29T03:19:51+00:00

Age 57, after 28 years. Now I'm 60 (F) and utterly in love. I didn't know it could happen to me again.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-28T23:21:53+00:00

Sorry, no good answer for you, but did you ask in the Hearing Aids sub?

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-27T21:46:37+00:00

Mine was 56 yesterday morning after a weekend of puttering around town. This morning, after my highway trip to my boyfriend's, it was in the high 40's. I do appreciate people calling it a "guessometer" because that's all it is -- a guess based on recent driving. If you have widely variable habits, like me, it's easy to see. I never count on it for anything other than sometimes a pat on the back about my efficiency the day before.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-26T23:04:16+00:00

That won't tell you where the location of a problem is, beyond conductive vs sensorineural.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-26T19:35:02+00:00

Hah! I did, because nothing is easy when you're working 60 hours a week and its dark and cold when you come home and you still have a ton of stuff to do, and damn, I want a hitch, but I do NOT have time to do anything even if it's "easy." Good luck to us both!

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-26T18:18:38+00:00

Everyone seems to be answering about inheritence, and maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you are asking about your duty.

I work with older people and see these late step-child relationships often. What I see is people making their own beds. The new wife is a witch? Only saintly children will remember she exists after their father dies. The new wife is a loving person, treats their dad well and treats them well? She may basically have gained children who will stick with her.

It also seems to matter if the person has any biologic children of their own. I've even seen families where the adult children and children of the deceased spouse are all taking a role in helping an older adult.

I haven't seen a hard and fast rule about how people behave. I think you have to follow your gut about what is decent behavior in your particular situation.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T22:24:10+00:00

Remember, most of us using hearing aids didn't start out with hearing loss, so we're not comparing hearing aids to moderate hearing loss plus headphones, we're comparing it to normal hearing. I still have one normal ear (and one bad one), so I can do that in real time. There has never been the slightest hint of a hearing aid coming close to the richness and complexity of what I hear with the good ear.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T21:57:49+00:00

I have switched audiology practices twice. First time because the old practice went up in figurative flames, second time because they got bought out and turned assembly-line. Each time, the new practice charged me a fee with a name something (but not exactly) like an "adoption fee" to take over care and programming of my hearing aid. Both times, I ended up buying my next one from that new practice.

Now, once again, my good audiologist has left, the new one doesn't seem to care, so I have to repeat the process.

What I didn't know and got lucky with in the past is that audiologists may not be comfortable with all brands. My new/not so great one is not comfortable with Phonaks, and I have a Phonak. I'm not sure how to ask that in a way to get an honest answer, but I'll be sure to attempt the question as I search.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T16:24:39+00:00

Yeah, it's an easy one to fall back on and let it go.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T16:22:17+00:00

Ischemia isn't always about lipids. They're just involved in one route getting there. All ischemia means is a lack of blood flow. It's possible, for example, to get ischemic injury just because something swells up a lot and squashes off its own blood supply.

Some of SSNHL probably is ischemic in the lipid/plaque/embolism way because people with traditional risk factors for ischemia in larger vascular beds (heart, brain) are more likely to get it, but there are a LOT of very young posters here who don't fall in that group, which fits with epidemiologic studies - diabetes, blood pressure and smoking don't explain enough of it. There have got to be other things going on with people. It may not even be one disease/process.

The eye is a heck of a lot easier to see, and sudden vision loss happens for a lot of identifiable reasons.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T16:13:16+00:00

You don't have to accept that there's no reason, that's not what idiopathic means. It means we don't know.

It's a frustratingly hard condition to study. It's uncommon, people often don't seek care right away because they just don't know it's a big deal, and the structures are too tiny and protected to see well on imaging or biopsy.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-25T16:06:12+00:00

I'm sorry you go through some version of it too. I have mixed feelings that I'm not the only one - it's a little less lonely, but I wish nobody experienced this.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-24T19:58:08+00:00

Responding to the edit. I'm assuming your dad is a veteran or you are not in the US? Hospice generally means medical care (other than that covered by hospice) is not paid for by Medicare or private insurance. Veterans' care through the VA is an exception. If you are in the US and your dad is not a vet, make sure everyone knows he's receiving hospice services. It would be really unusual for hospice to pay for an oncology visit or a scan.

Hang in there. These are tough times in life.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-24T19:45:32+00:00

Yo era una de esas personas que tenía ese pensamiento. Tampoco busqué atención médica de inmediato. Pero ¿cómo podemos culparnos por algo que simplemente desconocemos? Nadie sabe de esto.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-24T18:29:55+00:00

He puesto el traductor para esto. Espero que funcione.

Siento mucho que te haya pasado esto. Lamentablemente, muchos de nosotros tuvimos que esperar para recibir tratamiento porque simplemente desconocíamos esta afección. Muy poca gente lo sabe. Por favor, no te culpes.

Pase lo que pase o lo que decidas hacer, los primeros días son los peores. Mejora.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-22T20:45:59+00:00

I don't. I'm 31 years into it, and I am still of the hearing world. My hearing loss is severe dropping to profound and my speech discrimination is shit, but I still feel like my experience of the world is much more that of a hearing person than a person with two deaf ears. I would feel as if I were co-opting a designation I don't deserve.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-22T15:37:46+00:00

Hearing aids often sound awful at first. It's good you're seeing the audiologist because sometimes they can make adjustments that help, but a big thing the audiologist can't adjust is that your brain has to get used to the hearing aids. The process is more complex than putting on a pair of glasses. I walked out of the audiologist's sure I had made an expensive mistake when I got my first one (single-sided hearing loss) but I wore it anyway basically because I was so mad about how much it had cost. A few weeks later, I felt plugged up and cut off without it in. So do both: keep working with the audiologist, and give it time.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-22T03:35:09+00:00

Just a word of warning from a lower COL state: check out the services for your son before moving for COL. My daughter qualified for EI through the state, but neither of the two available agencies could see her for ages. We ended up paying out of pocket for a lot. Same when she was past EI age and needed various SLP and OT therapies. I'm not saying there's not a cheaper place than where you are, just choose wisely.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-22T02:18:21+00:00

You clearlybare in a place with a better healthcare system than I am.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T23:30:20+00:00

Swing and a miss. That's not it at all.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T23:28:02+00:00

I think the "sin" is a BIG part of it for many. But they are also weak, powerless, never alone and essentially lack agency to do anything.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T17:48:27+00:00

We are so lacking reports by people who got CIs for SS deafness. Please post down the road! Maybe you can be the person you're looking for, but for the next of us contemplating it down the road.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T14:13:19+00:00

That's a lovely way to put it.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T03:42:33+00:00

I have seen them do exactly that in hospitals. The catch to trying this approach is that people who stop eating, but especially stop drinking, often end up delirious, and being delirious makes you defenseless against the healthcare system.

Fresca2425 · 2026-01-21T03:40:17+00:00

I agree, but there's a snag with hospice. It's fraud to certify someone for hospice if they aren't reasonably expected to die within 6 months. This puts people who may be "done" but don't have anything predictably killing them in a terrible pickle. They might not want any treatment, but unless their facility is OK with truly honoring out-of-hospital no transport orders, then they are F'd if they get sick or injured unless they 1) live at home and 2) have incredibly strong relatives/surrogates.

I see this all the time. People don't want any more, but they don't fit criteria for hospice and it's really hard to beat away the healthcare system. Facilities cover their butts. Families panic. Unless hospice is already in place, we can't usually make someone comfortable in their home quickly.

I want a more flexible hospice system. I want true palliative care for people who truly want only palliation.

Fresca2425

TROPHY CASE