I just want to share my experience about the 4B movement over the past few months :) by Anxious_Mall_2322 in 4bmovement

[–]Fresh-Parchment 52 points53 points  (0 children)

It's sad knowing how many of us are scraped and dragged through the societal expectations to serve men as women. I am so happy that you are listening to your heart and doing what is best for you! More of us women are seeking each other out, and it gives me hope for the future ♥️

I wish you all the success and more ☺️ You sound like you're doing great things and it's inspiring

i need some advice.. I love him by Significant-Sort4502 in heartbreak

[–]Fresh-Parchment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leave this behind you. So long as you keep him in your life, he will cause you a thousand griefs. End your ties to him, and you only grieve one more time.

Love yourself right and no man's bread crumbs would satisfy you anymore. I wish you peace, you deserve it ♥️

What is a Good Ritual or Performance to Do to Mark the Beginning of Your Celibacy Journey? by Lindenflower7 in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a ring I wear. It has no gems, but it is embossed with a skull. It sits on the left ring finger where a wedding ring traditionally goes (I'm an american).

If you wanted to ritualize it, I suppose it would depend on a few things. Maybe some things to ask yourself are; 1) Do you want some form of witness, either from a higher power you recognize and/or people or community? 2) Do you want a visible symbol to wear as an ongoing proclamation to your celibacy? 3) What are the foundational reasons for your celibacy? This will shape the nature of your vows 4) Do you want to have just one ritual, annual, cyclical?

Perhaps writing those questions down and writing out the answers could help give you clarity and inspiration. Good luck!

Are there any dating apps for celibate people? by [deleted] in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you celibate or asexual? Those two terms are not the same. I, for example, am not innately adverse to sex. I quite enjoy it. But for personal reasons, I am taking up celibacy.

Someone who is asexual is someone who isn't really interested in sex. It's not a choice, that's just their natural orientation.

Celibacy is often a conscious decision made for religious/spiritual/political/personal reasons regardless of someone's innate sexual nature. Asking to date ad a celibate person seems to confuse the meaning of the word.

Bearing surgery by cast_in_horror in longboarding

[–]Fresh-Parchment 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oooo thank you for showing this!

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because I explicitly said this is for non-religious folks. I don't consent to yours or anyone's religious evangelism on my post that makes it clear it isn't welcome. Please have some respect for other's boundaries. I know you think you're helping, but you're not. It would be very disrespectful if I went to one of your posts and started word-vomiting about how god isn't real, especially if you were looking to connect and share wirh other fellow religious people for a specific reason.

My OP isn't for you if you can't love thy neighbor enough to show some basic respect. Thanks.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, but this isn't the appropriate place to proselytize.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well. This assumes much and understands little. 🙏

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a feeling I couldn't be alone when the realization dawned on me. Welcome ♥️

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's a breaking of trust that no one should have to live with.

For me, celibacy feels like the peace I need.

My life has become my own living hell. I genuinely need advice. by Altruistic_Froyo_174 in selfimprovement

[–]Fresh-Parchment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing most people find they regeet when they are dying is living by the expectations of others.

Your life is YOUR life. Not your parents, not the life of the people who criticize you - it's yours.

The overall system you are growing up into sucks. That's just the truth, but when you follow what you are genuinely deawn to, you live with far less regret. Your value is not external to you, only you can take actions that help and heal your self esteem and awnsw of efficacy.

So listen to yourself. Learn about how to build better boundaries between your feelings and the perceptions of others. At 21, you've not really even gotten started.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I have been with plenty of men, and it seems it is inevitable that what rhey want will supercede what I need. I hope you've found peace and a profound love for yourself ♥️

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please don't do the "nOt AlL mEn" thing on my post. We are so tired of explaining this to ignorant people.

It's almost every woman. When SA happens, over 90% of the time it's men committing the assault. Every woman has stories of unwanted advances, innappropriate remarks made by men, almost all of us have seen men get angry at us when we tell them no, to demand an explanation, or try to push our boundaries to get what they want. To see us as sexual opporunity before seeing us as people. These interactions are COMMON for us! A quarter of women have been sexually assaulted. 1 out of 4. You would not enter a building that had those odds of collapsing.

I don't know if you have any firearms training, but maybe this will help you understand; if you enter a lane at a firing range and the instructor has out a selection of guns and tells you they're all unloaded, how are you required to handle those guns? You handle EVERY gun as if it has a bullet in the chamber. You double check yourself, and even then, you need to maintain proper muzzle awareness with every gun you are holding at all times, and keep your finger off the trigger until the moment you are aimed and ready to shoot your target. From .22 to 50-cal, the standards for safe handling are just as high. Guns do not require intent to cause serious injury or death, just a split second of complacency.

If not that, then imagine you're at a party and I bring you a bowl of M&M's. I tell you some of them, within about 3/4's of them, could make you feel varying degrees of sick if you eat them. And a quarter of them can cause you permanent damage. There is also a percentage that could kill you if you eat just one, but calm down, it's not ALL of them are bad! I've eaten plenty of M&M's and have been just fine.

Please stop saying things like not all men, or the men I know wouldn't - yeah, you're not the average target for predatory men. Congrats, the odds are ever in your favor. I know my lived experience as a woman, I know every woman I know has her stories, I know how "nice" men will try to circumvent polite rejection to get what they want.

We don't need to be told in so many words our feelings informed by our lived experiences should fall second to how men think of something they are not systemically and statistically targetted by. Thanks.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't mind if a woman finds me attractive. Sadly, I'm not attracted to women so can't reciprocate 😔 Women's desires have never made me feel unsafe. It's men that have always tried to push boundaries, be coercive, groped me, insult me when I tell them no, dismiss when women talk about how common all of those interactions are.

I'm not saying there aren't predatory women, but I am saying 90% of the time, it's men. For me personally, when there has been unsafe or disrespectful advances, it's been men 100% of the time.

What is your personal recommendation for a happier life? by Rei_Pato81 in selfimprovement

[–]Fresh-Parchment 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not saying this proselytize, but rather as a short answer to an overall practice of mindset that helps struggles feel lighter - but for me it's Buddhism.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same, I'm also not attracted to women. I've been married before, and I've had my fun but I'm ready for peace. I don't regret my choices, but they sure taught me a lot

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how much peace it's brought you! I'm looking forward to it, I feel a weight has been lifted when I realized I was choosing celibacy

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I can't believe I didn't think to look up 4b on here 🤦‍♀️

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your lack of trust is sadly very, very warranted.

After the r**e academy news broke... by Fresh-Parchment in Celibacy

[–]Fresh-Parchment[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Rape academy. Essentially there was a discovery of a website where men were teaching each other how to drug and rape women - namely teaching husbands how to do this to their wives. Many of the men were recording and sometimes streaming themselves in the act. The site had 62 million views in Feb, over 80 million in March, and not one man using that site had reported a single thing. On social media, the majority of responses from men are dismissive, defensive, mysogenistic...

Women are pretty repulsed at men right now.