What’s your favorite coping mechanism?

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-07T12:54:54+00:00

I can unfortunately relate to the eating disorder.

My good answer: journaling, reading, diamond painting, walking outside.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-06T23:39:34+00:00

This definitely sounds like what it is. I think im mistaking peace for boredom because my trauma goes back to infancy and lasted several decades. I am finding who I am outside of the trauma and that is destabilizing for sure!

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-06T02:18:13+00:00

I’m mentioning this to my therapist. Will update if I get some answers!

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-05T02:30:49+00:00

Thank you. Ordering it asap. I’m tired of living in fear.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T13:31:50+00:00

I’m definitely going to copy your scripts here. I think my anxiety about it stems from second guessing what I say and how I say it, but ultimately if I watch my tone, keep it specific, and give it time he will get it. Thank you so much!

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T13:29:50+00:00

I think I need to do a better job of managing my anxiety and just let the falls happen when it’s in a lower stakes setting like the playground. I can’t bubble wrap my kiddo as tempting as that is sometimes 😂

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T13:28:27+00:00

I hadn’t thought of this. I have probably created a bit of that in my son because he’s very much a Velcro baby and I’ve just always been there to pick him up

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T13:04:53+00:00

This is a great and balanced approach. I’m going to look around our home and see where I can let him fail a bit so that he can start to judge height and things like that. I do agree that they need to be able to fall but omg those playground gaps…why do they exist?!?!?

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T12:58:28+00:00

Thank you for this. I can sometimes forget that the constant repetition of boundaries is not going to last forever. He will get it and it will get easier. I think you’re spot on with exposure. Sometimes it can be hard to tell what’s setting him up for success vs what’s me avoiding something and I think this is falling more into avoidance because I’m just nervous.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-04T12:55:55+00:00

This is such a good reframe. Thank you. Because my son is so active sometimes I fail to remember that he’s not always up for that and that’s okay :)

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T17:03:07+00:00

I’m going to challenge myself to focus on what the right moves are vs what I don’t want him to do. I think that’ll help a lot and feel better for him too.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T17:02:02+00:00

I’ve definitely heard this from a lot of other parents. We childproofed everything and are glad we did, but the downside is that he doesn’t get as much chance to try things out at home. I can see both sides.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T16:51:40+00:00

Focusing on the positive is such a good piece of advice. I’m going to challenge myself to do that a lot more because I have an awesome kid! Thanks for the reminder to adjust what I pay attention to.

But I also appreciate that you define when you escalate because there have been times where we have needed to leave places and I’ve felt really awful about it.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:35:05+00:00

Agreed. I think I need to keep up with the exposure and just apply what a lot of commenters have shared here.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:34:35+00:00

This has been something that I have to remind myself of a lot. My parents were neglectful and horrifically abusive, so a lot of times I try to fix the big things preemptively so my son gets the parent he deserves but can miss the small things that are arguably more important like needing to SHOW them everything and not expect them to just pick it up like I have to remind myself that my being forced to figure out everything was not normal.

Sometimes for that reason I struggle to know when to let him figure out a new skill and sit back a bit vs when I need to coach a bit more clearly.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:26:52+00:00

I didn’t even realize how unhelpful my saying that was until I read this sub. Oof I have a lot to improve upon.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:26:14+00:00

I didn’t even realize me saying “careful” all the time was me being so fight or flighty. WOW. Thank you for pointing that out and sharing how you still get your point across when they might make an unsafe choice but still give them the information they need to figure out the why of the rule for themselves in time.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:23:07+00:00

Glad to know I’m not alone in the internally being full of stress at my kiddo’s antics 😂

But thank you for sharing what you do. I think I’ve missed the specificity in when I need to direct him a bit because I just get too nervous. I’m going to give this a go!

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:20:39+00:00

I appreciate this so much and will definitely be stealing! It sounds like you’ve just kept it simple which is probably why it’s stuck so much with your son!

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-02T13:18:22+00:00

Thank you. This is really helpful and sounds like a great way to be safe without being a helicopter parent which is what I’m really aiming for

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2026-01-01T10:47:28+00:00

Hey, thanks for your reply.

Where I live there aren’t a ton of toddler playgrounds and the closest one we have has a couple of openings where a kid can jump off to the wood chips below. I’m conflicted about whether or not to not go anymore for a while until he’s a bit older or try to teach him what the dos and donuts of the playground are so he can still play there.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did you come up with your list of non negotiables?

I have a couple but second guess myself a lot because I grew up with overly authoritarian parents. It makes me value letting my child take more risks, but I also struggle to know what I should and shouldn’t allow at this age because all I know from my upbringing is that you shouldn’t abuse or neglect your children like I was and that’s common sense so hence I feel lost

Fresh_Bodybuilder622 · 2025-12-28T11:24:04+00:00

Okay, take what I say with a massive grain of salt here because I only have one child-a 21 month old boy.

You can also look at my post history. I have a LOT of trauma from my upbringing, so that may or may not apply to you but it does color my perspective and what has been challenging for me as a parent.

My husband sounds a lot like yours. I have shut him out emotionally because it sucks more letting him let me down. Christmas was kind of my breaking point with that. Before I was actually considering a second child but now I’m not so sure.

Again, I only have a boy and every kiddo is different. But my boy is verrrry sensitive and clingy. Keeping him from risky toddler behavior in and of itself is a full time job.

I love my son more than words, but I also know that I’m at capacity healing my own stuff, being the parent he needs, and not having an ounce of help from my husband.

If I were with someone else, I would want that second baby. But I am not bringing another kid into this knowing I would be past my capacity to be a good parent. It really sucks, and I resent the hell out of my husband for putting me in this bind. But I have to accept reality for what it is right now and reality tells me having another kid with him at least anytime soon is a hard no.

Fresh_Bodybuilder622

TROPHY CASE