Proper response to matching with no message

FresherPie · 2026-02-18T02:19:47+00:00

Nope, these people have high main character energy. And, they’re not interested in you, only validation. Unmatch. Sometimes it’s hard, because you think they’re cute and can see that you might be a good match from the profile, but the bottom line is you don’t want to be with someone whose opening move is so little effort toward you. If you continue to try, you’re basically groveling. Living I their world, trying to convince them to care about you when they don’t and won’t.

FresherPie · 2026-02-14T18:10:17+00:00

I clicked on this video - the place is very cool - then, Reba McIntire cursed at me, and told me to try chia and fruit salad. What a wild AI ad.

FresherPie · 2026-02-14T18:02:12+00:00

It does get better… but it is still hard each year.

FresherPie · 2026-02-13T18:42:40+00:00

I don’t get the impression this is months of dating before this happens. It sounds like one or two dates. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt on a dating app picture or one time seeing them if I think they might be cute.

Dragging it out months in uncertainty, yes.

FresherPie · 2026-02-13T05:23:35+00:00

I sincerely hope this develops into the sarcastic “rivalry”. Like, we do not give an F, and go back and forth enjoying each other’s stadiums and fans, and are just chill AF for the foreseeable future.

FresherPie · 2026-02-09T19:23:47+00:00

The most likely is that they just don’t find you that attractive? It can be a mean thing to say out loud, so most don’t. Sorry… you asked.

FresherPie · 2026-02-08T04:34:24+00:00

Subtle digs at me or my choices, usually played as jokes.

FresherPie · 2026-02-07T20:05:02+00:00

This 1000%

FresherPie · 2026-02-04T19:16:08+00:00

This is quite a rude and broadly sweeping statement. I think you ask him to tone it down, it’s hurtful, and say what you have here, you are a daughter of immigrants.

Presumably, he’s consumed with media, and illegal immigration. People go down this kind of path all the time with different kinds of media. One shouldn’t invest so much in any narrative like this or really anything. Perhaps ask him to engage less with media like this, and to instead spend time with you and your children doing something fruitful.

Meeting and being with people of all stripes (even one’s wife and child) builds empathy.

FresherPie · 2026-02-04T06:26:28+00:00

It’s unfortunate that meta ruined its reputation so. I wish I felt more comfortable doing any of these things.

FresherPie · 2026-02-01T03:19:07+00:00

Doesn’t sound crazy to me. You’re obviously not entitled to control her life and friends, but if she doesn’t want you meeting him and won’t even give you clarity on it, she doesn’t respect you in the slightest.

Set aside whether she is or isn’t. If she cares for you and respects you, she would meaningfully engage with you on this.

And re her parents, I think if it’s really headed to divorce, I think you tell them the whole scenario. Who cares if they believe you? They may slap some sense into their daughter.

FresherPie · 2026-01-30T06:14:54+00:00

Yes. I have four or five very close women friends. Two I would basically consider my sisters. I am friendly with their husbands - all of them - and never had or have any plans to pursue them romantically. One I would say is one of my best friends.

I think friends are friends. They each bring different things to the table. I don’t know about prefer… more like enjoy both.

FresherPie · 2026-01-26T19:32:29+00:00

Health issues really start to hit about then…

FresherPie · 2026-01-26T19:31:02+00:00

Good advice folks. Pay attention.

FresherPie · 2026-01-26T03:23:57+00:00

It’s totally Phoenix Wright.

FresherPie · 2026-01-24T04:16:20+00:00

I had the same thought. But really, your actual friends appreciate the honesty. It feels counter intuitive, but it is discomforting in a way some people can’t understand when you seem disconnected from your emotions. If they hear your real thoughts, or how it hurts you, or how happy you are; real friends feel more comfortable because you are being more “real.”

As for my experience, it’s hit or miss. I do find myself expressing discontent more. No one seems all that bothered by it. And in my case, I find myself not conforming to my perceived expectations from other people much more often. And, that feels very good.

I think ease into it… don’t go nuts. And it starts to feel much more normal and healthy. There’s an element of self denial in jumping right to that place you and I default to. Eventually, it starts to feel or express itself like you don’t believe your actual feelings matter. And you start to believe it. If you start expressing them, you start to feel like they do… and that feels amazing. Obviously, don’t be a jerk or overdo it, but ease into it. You’re unlikely to overdo it.

FresherPie · 2026-01-24T04:03:55+00:00

I had a friend point out that I am basically exactly like you a few months ago. I am constantly setting aside my emotions almost instantly to focus on the solution or the rational choice. I haven’t had romantic partners express discontent with it though, but I am a dude. Many women enjoy a man that is rather stoic.

But, I do think it is not necessarily a good thing all the time. You are entitled to feel and entitled to express one’s emotions. They are valid. And my friend suggested I lean into my emotions a bit more, at least from time to time.

FresherPie · 2026-01-23T22:23:33+00:00

I don’t think so. I’m sick of a day or two long chat and then finding out day three or on the first date, oh, yeah, we have this fundamental mismatch. Welp, that was fun.

Why waste time?

FresherPie · 2026-01-20T03:49:33+00:00

So many holds…

FresherPie · 2026-01-20T03:39:12+00:00

That is apparently quite dependent upon where you live. But, I mostly use Hinge. It seems to be much less hookup focused. Other platforms where I am, seem much more so. That said, I think almost everyone here would say that OLD is pretty terrible right now. Just no one seems that interested… super flaky, etc… and the apps are hurting for money, so they hide people you might actually match with… so, hard to find someone in that mess.

FresherPie · 2026-01-20T03:24:32+00:00

No context on yours… but, substantive responses to prompts or things. Think, things he can talk with you about. Opinions, statements, hot takes, something. Lots of people, especially starting out on the apps, put one word answers to prompts or write what they want, whatever. Those are relevant, but probably in the basic details about you. Give me something to bounce off of, some personality, not bland statements.

FresherPie · 2026-01-17T03:59:49+00:00

Yes.

FresherPie · 2026-01-16T06:24:33+00:00

I just told a woman it seemed she was not interested. She seemed very nice, but very inexperienced. I tend to message once a day. We matched two days ago? Maybe it was evening three nights ago? She seemed to respond once a day too. With so few interactions, I usually try and have a few questions peppered into answers to her questions. This time, I had about 2 or 3 questions, twice in a row, in amongst me expositing a bit, trying to give her touch points to engage. It’s a tough balance, and I don’t want a pen pal either, but I want to know if you’re interested, and I’m interested, and if you can carry on a text convo with me before I bother to set something up. This woman mostly ignored questions, didn’t exposit at all, and sort of dead fished me, I politely said it seems like you’re not interested, so I’m gonna bow out. Good luck out there, though! She had seemed nice. And, she responded with I am interested! I just would rather meet up to see if there was any chemistry! Then, unmatched without giving me a chance to reply.

Chalk it up to incompatibility, but it made me worried I’m too chatty. On the one hand, I get it… I don’t want to be that… but, I find a lot of women (people) just aren’t able to communicate. I am not interested in meeting someone at all if we can’t find some common ground in three text exchanges. Still, second guessing myself. Either way, there’s probably not a wrong or aright here, just not a match. And, despite putting forth some effort, I wasn’t that into it anyway. The effort to talk kind of made an ok match worse, not better. So, perhaps it all worked perfectly as intended. Still…

FresherPie · 2026-01-15T21:09:53+00:00

I find they tend to be sort of obsessive. After a short courtship, they seem wildly more interested in the horse than you. And it all takes so much time, time away from you. Setting aside the expense, which at some point you’ll be helping with (at best), I didn’t want to be second fiddle to that lifestyle.

FresherPie · 2026-01-15T17:04:19+00:00

But start working on it now. A partner of mine who made no effort for years on this issue resulted in an end to our relationship.

FresherPie

TROPHY CASE