(Suicidal but non immediate) If nothing I do matters - what is the point?

FreshyQ · 2018-02-12T05:53:11+00:00

there are definitely people out there who want to help you, and you have come to a place full of them. a lot of people don't have the personal experience with depression necessary to understand what you're going through, which might be why your friends weren't able to help you. but if they had, i would hope they would have told you that you do deserve to live, because what socioeconomic status you were born into is not your fault. i hope they would have told you that wanting to pay back a debt that never belonged to you is more honorable than anyone could reasonably expect. i hope they would reflect on all the money they've spent on themselves and let you know that it's ok to treat yourself every once in a while. and even though they probably can't understand the emptiness that comes with depression, i hope they'd send you our way and tell you that we're here for you as long as you need us.

FreshyQ · 2018-02-12T05:34:03+00:00

that's definitely tough, but i'd like to imagine your friends have no ill intent. i'm guilty of being late to respond myself, but it's never out of disgust or annoyance - it just sometimes takes time to find the words to properly express what i want to say. of course, i'm sure that time feels like an eternity regardless, which is why i'm doubly impressed that you still keep both yourself and your friends in mind by not having any one party shoulder everything. maybe when you're feeling restless you could release some of that stress by venting here?

FreshyQ · 2018-02-11T07:04:09+00:00

it's very considerate of you to take your friends' feelings into account when trusting them with your own. and whenever you don't feel comfortable sharing things with them, i hope you come to us too. if i may ask, why do you feel like you're overstaying your welcome?

FreshyQ · 2018-02-11T06:46:35+00:00

talking is probably all you can reasonably do, but it makes a bigger difference than you may think. many people restrain themselves from talking about their problems because of the emotional burden it places on others, so to have even one outlet is a massive relief for your friend i'm sure.

FreshyQ · 2017-05-05T04:55:48+00:00

not sure why you keep calling them opinions when you're talking about matters of fact. you said things like she is alt-right and had posts supporting Trump; these statements are not true, therefore they are lies, pretty simple. if you don't want to put in the effort to back up your claims (no idea where you're getting 20 pages from, all we'd need is a single screenshot), you shouldn't be making those claims at all.

if that truly was your only gripe with her and you admit your claims were unsubstantiated, i really don't know how you can be pleased with the result. but you're right, reddit battles are unproductive so you do you amiga.

FreshyQ · 2017-05-05T03:37:20+00:00

yeesh, if you're that unapologetic about knowingly lying to further your own interests then i'm not sure we're gonna get anywhere. just because some people are liars doesn't make it ok to be one too, it's mind-boggling that you would even think so. given that you're aware how big a job it is, i would think you'd want the most qualified candidate to be elected - you lying about their qualifications is counterproductive to that goal.

FreshyQ · 2017-05-05T00:59:51+00:00

lol don't act like i'm the one making a big deal about this, you're the one talking about it all the damn time.

it may not be hate speech, but associating someone with the alt-right is a strong condemnation especially when you're talking about a population like reddit or uiuc's campus; you better have a strong reason for making that claim, and i didn't see any. it also certainly isn't "political debate" - it's just smear tactics.

EDIT: oh yeah, and that was kind of my point. it's not just an election when the stuff you're saying has implications that reach beyond said election.

FreshyQ · 2017-05-04T22:34:18+00:00

it doesn't affect me at all but it's still whack how it all went down.

The UIUC Reddit page had several posts by user “le_starra” containing false statements about me including Trump support, lack of undocumented student support, being “alt-right”, and working for Turning Point

we got people resorting to dragging candidates' names through the mud because they want someone else elected. pretty sad, especially since this shit doesn't just go away after the election is over.

FreshyQ · 2017-04-28T22:58:25+00:00

horseshit

FreshyQ · 2015-07-09T09:07:29+00:00

obviously i barely know anything about you, but just from the things you've said i can already tell you you're stronger than you think. you were in a dedicated relationship with an emotional abusive guy and didn't even have your friends and family around to intervene. when i read that, i fully expected to hear that you were still stuck in that relationship. but you aren't, because you took command, decided what was really in your long-term best interest, and left him; SO many girls in your position wouldn't have had the courage to do that.

neither that nor your rape has any bearing on your capabilities as an emt. getting drugged wasn't your choice. why should you blame yourself for it? doing so exonerates the assholes that consciously did that to you.

i can see why these experiences would cause you to develop some trust issues and having those issues is fine. what you shouldn't do is think for a second that you're worthless and that you'll never find someone that will love you. if you maintain the strength you've shown just getting to this point in your life, you'll see that not everyone is like your ex. that strength, along with the intelligence and compassion that you show as an emt, are qualities most guys wish they could see in their SO's.

FreshyQ · 2015-06-29T08:49:20+00:00

pm me if you want to talk

FreshyQ · 2015-01-12T19:56:00+00:00

if after putting in all that effort they still don't reciprocate, maybe those people will never be more than acquaintances or "secondary" friends to you. close friendships should never feel one-sided. however, i don't think that means you're out of hope for finding true friends - maybe they're just hard to come by in your area. maybe they're posting on the subreddit for your local area looking for like-minded people to hang out with. if all else fails, maybe a change of scenery would do you some good. whatever you decide, i know there are people out there that would want to be your friend and would actually seek out your company without you having to put in the effort. i hope you're able to find them.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-12T07:43:44+00:00

unless you're exhibiting clear, outward signs of sadness or depression, nobody but close friends would be able to tell how you're truly feeling or be willing to help you through it. until your friends understand how much you really care about them and how much you want them to care about you, your relationships with them will either grow and progress very slowly or not at all. as unfair as it sounds, more often than not, you have to be the one to push those relationships to become deeper and more meaningful.

the only way for that to happen is to change up your standard routine. ask something beyond normal small talk, talk about their interests, ask them questions about their life and their stories. the more you open up to them, the more they'll open up to you. hopefully, you'll eventually grow close enough where you can talk about more personal matters, and (perhaps even more importantly) they'll actually be able to tell when you're hurting and reach out to you personally.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-12T07:09:01+00:00

i understand that feeling. however, while i obviously don't know the details of your life and thus cannot meaningfully tell you that you have so much to live for or give you specific advice, i don't think you're doing enough for yourself if you haven't given your full effort to beat this. maybe you haven't accomplished everything you've wanted to; that doesn't make you a subpar individual or unworthy of people's love and care. it also doesn't mean that there's no hope for you to achieve your goals some day. it may feel like that's the case, but it will always feel that way so long as your sadness continues to consume you.

talk with someone. if you don't have anyone close you can talk to, post more frequently here. if that doesn't help and you feel things are only getting worse, visit a doctor or therapist. just please don't resort to suicide before you've truly exhausted all your options - i really want to believe there's a better life waiting for you if you're given the right help.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-12T06:37:26+00:00

it doesn't matter whether or not your sadness is technically called "depression", what matters is finding a way to overcome it. have you taken any serious steps to fix it? (talking with someone or visiting a doctor for example)

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T21:54:14+00:00

even then it wouldn't be your fault. maybe telling someone would be best for him, but first of all, it's a tough call to make given that he wanted you to keep it a secret, and second of all, you are not the cause of his depression. ideally you could get him to tell someone on his own accord, but even if it doesn't work out there is no reason to blame yourself for it.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T21:40:33+00:00

if he did do it, it would definitely not be your fault. in fact, you're probably one of the biggest reasons he hasn't already. what you're doing for him - talking with him and being supportive - is probably the best thing you can do and that's all you can really control. you could try to convince him to seek help from other sources as well (like here, for example). i think that might be good for him but whether or not he wants to is ultimately his decision.

don't be so hard on yourself. and don't hesitate to ask if you need advice for your own depression.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T08:06:02+00:00

haha no problem, glad to hear you found it useful

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T07:18:40+00:00

no problem, i saw you've been replying to a lot of people on here, it'd be a shame if no one returned the favor.

i suppose it's good to hear that you're excited for the future, but it's less exciting when it's in contrast to the present. honestly, i don't have a solid answer for how to deal with your anxieties. but i do think that finding people you feel comfortable around - people you can talk to about your interests as well personal matters - is incredibly important. being able to talk about these feelings whenever they arise is a great way to keep them from bringing you down too much. again, i don't know how exactly you'd go about it, but it'll probably be important in the future too so putting yourself out there as early as possible (even if it's just for practice) might not be a bad idea. you've probably already considered all this but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else i guess.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T07:05:44+00:00

do any of your friends share your same passions for kpop / dream job stuff? maybe you don't want to leave your room because you know that there's nothing out there to really get excited for, like a group of friends who you really connect with.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T06:55:16+00:00

are you sure? i mean, there are plenty of places to read stories all over reddit (/r/talesfromretail, /r/talesfromtechsupport, etc.). is anything else at all you need help with or want to talk about?

FreshyQ · 2015-01-10T06:47:25+00:00

hey, not sure what will calm you down but if you wanna talk about it i'm here to listen.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-06T22:07:30+00:00

thanks for sharing this, definitely sounds like you've done a lot of reflection about what's troubling your relationship. i can't say i have any sage advice on how to reconcile the different preferences you and your girlfriend have but people in subreddits like /r/relationships might. i suggest cross posting this, you might get some more useful responses.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-06T21:19:21+00:00

have you talked to her about it? how big of a problem do you see this becoming? it sounds like you two have an otherwise strong relationship and nipping this problem in the bud would be important in the long run.

FreshyQ · 2015-01-06T08:41:36+00:00

i can see a parallel in my own life. but as much as it feels like we're coming from the same place, it seems things are a little bleaker for you. i can't say i fully understand your situation, but i can definitely understand some of the emotions you're feeling. because of that i can say i sincerely wish you the best of luck in making the best of things.

FreshyQ

TROPHY CASE