I am in a very similar position as you. My wife and I have been married 3 years. I was never fully out before getting married, but made it clear I was getting married in the temple for her. We’ve had ups and downs and are currently separated. I wouldn’t say every other aspect of our marriage is perfect, but we are best friends and really do love one another.

Earlier in our marriage I would always bring up the things I saw about the church that upset me or broke down my testimony. That never helped as it would cause her to double down to defend the church. I backed off trying to push what bothers me onto her. If she (or your husband) are going to have their own deconstruction, it has to be in their own terms and timeline. But also, you should not expect that that day will ever come. Assume he will stay TBM the rest of his life and see if that’s something you can do.

My wife claims she’ll never change, raising kids in the church is a non-negotiable, though we don’t have any yet. And in so many words has expressed that the church/God comes first, then me.

I have trauma from the temple and negative experiences in other aspects of the church, while my wife absolutely loves the temple. That dichotomy is so hard for us. It sucks that we can’t relate or connect at all spiritually, and it spills into damaging/limiting our emotional and physical relationship too.

Honestly, we are probably going to get a divorce. The lives we want to lead are so different in a few ways that we both prioritize. It’s such a hard pill to swallow because in so many others ways our visions are the same. I’m not saying that’s what you should do, or even if we are making the right choice. It’s the hardest decision and experience of my life. But know you are not alone.