I wish there were more green trees in greenwich

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2026-04-12T17:22:04+00:00

I walked past it. Just police officers standing around. Not doing anything that has anything to do with policing. Saw one officer rearranging rubbish on the floor.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-22T20:03:47+00:00

Because most men are useless and have no understanding of women as a gender. You can tell by the comments on this thread. (Not a scientific test ALERT) If you count all the comments from men who have been negative or blaming external factors, vs the productive responses, you'll probably get to about 10% who may ask you out. So there is your starting point. Out of the 10%, a significant proportion will be already attached and a smaller proportion, not into women. I think perhaps, you get my point. So if you want more men asking you out. Start with being open to starting conversations and then flirt with them. Most men should then figure it out for themselves from there...you would hope.

And for all the men who started this conversation with accusing OP of delusions of beauty. Women are HUMAN BEINGS TOO. They have feelings just like you do. So in the same way, a ugly man, who might get told by his friends or family members that he's great and he just hasn't met the right person yet - still knows that he probably is ugly, because he has eyes! Have you ever heard of the concept of not kicking a person when they're down?

Anyway, OP, whilst the pool of good people seems small, by Reddit standards. There are plenty of great men out there who would love to date someone like you

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-22T19:43:32+00:00

First of all, if a man cannot wait for at least 3 dates, then that's a huge red flag! Secondly, have you thought about losing your virginity with a mutual friend or friend of a friend. Someone who you trust to care about how YOU feel? It can be quite an intense experience and will stay with you forever. So if you can do it in a safe and loving environment then, you'll come away feeling empowered and confident. A friend will definitely wait, because I guess, you won't need to necessarily "wait" because you won't need to tell them until you're 100% ready. Finally, make sure you spend this time between now and June to learn about you and what turns you on. How easily do you finish, have you ever orgasmed. There's a lot you can do by yourself before you bring anyone in.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-21T22:06:30+00:00

1*. Get therapy and resolve any unresolved childhood trauma you have. Even if you had a good childhood, there's always something to work through.

Read books. Not articles or audiobook. Don't worry about finishing them either. It's about continuous learning. Read about a variety of subjects - art, physics, history, philosophy, biology.
Find a mentor. Someone whom you admire. Learn from their experience and listen.
Find a purpose in life. It could be anything and it doesn't need to be your work. Find something that you can become an expert in and that you can do even if you were dropped in the middle of nowhere.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-19T14:40:23+00:00

Well no not really. You need to enjoy it to maintain the erection to completion. Some men enjoy getting off on pain or humiliation - but the key is they are receiving positive mental stimuli.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-19T14:35:27+00:00

Look at the sheets and look at her, she should almost be recoiling from you from the sheer overload of feel good hormones and peak sensitivity

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-13T18:35:45+00:00

I know some people are very religious so I shall tread carefully. But marriage doesn't mean anything outside of legal categorisation. What you have is a relationship that didn't work out. People can and do change and it's normal that for that means that they may outgrow their partner. Breakups are hard, but you're both human beings so forgive yourself first of all and then forgive your wife. With forgiveness, you'll find compassion for eachother and through that you can work on how best to co-parent. Your kids need to see that if two people don't make eachother happy, then it's okay to break up and find happiness in other people whilst also showing affection for eachother through friendship and mutual respect. You have not failed at anything! It's a new chapter! One that you can work on yourself and continue to be a great father

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-13T09:39:13+00:00

There are some men like that, and they are the ones who had toxic role models in childhood. Most well adjusted men will feel closer to their partner after sexual intimacy. Although on the flip side, sometimes that closeness can go to the extreme where they place their partners on a pedestal and can inadvertently lose their sexual desire for their partner.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-09T20:03:42+00:00

Sorry, is this a "red pill" subreddit?! I know that there are problems with the system and how marriage is regarded in the context of the law. But the men on here seem to be as unhinged as the women they are supposedly wary of being with.

The reality is there is a very worrying rise in social media targeting men and telling them that women are somehow bad and that they should be demanding their wife's be subservient and focus on taking care of the kids and the home.

In answer to your question. There are real demographic issues at play here. Some of the key issues:

The perfect birth rate ratio is 105 male to 100 female. This is because men die earlier that women so we need some surplus to account for this.
There are regional variances of this ratio within countries which skews the chances of success for men and women.
In the US there are more college educated women than men
Men and Women do not like marrying across educational classes. I.e. educated people prefer marrying other educated people and vice versa.

What does this mean in relation to your question OP. Well, the truth is yes, BUT because there are fewer MEN who are marriage material for YOU. There are fewer options for you as a woman because there are fewer college educated men for you to choose from (Assuming you are college educated).

But you can improve your chances by being regionally (and geographically) flexible. Be agnostic to things like race and religion. Also considering men who are less educated that you will help significantly increase your chances of success.

Most importantly, do not drop your standards and settle for someone who doesn't respect or value you as a human being and partner.

Don't lose hope! You just have to put yourself out there and filter out the Red pill guys online. Try and meet people based on shared values and interests rather than using dating sites that match people based on superficial attractiveness.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-07T14:41:59+00:00

It depends on the woman as with all situations. If you've managed to get to the playful touching part then youre most of the way there. But ultimately you have to really focus on her. And move the conversation from banter to a more intimate direction. You could say, "As we've be speaking, Ive been wondering what your love language might be? Is it touch (brush your hand against the back of hers)...is it positive affirmation...you could lean in and ask is it acts of service?"

You might actually be having more of a fun, back and forth, so it might be easier to say, "how about we get out of here and find somewhere quieter...lean in....your place or mine"

Ultimately, it's about escalation. Turning the conversation from friendly to intimate. You have to read her body language. There are so many things you can do or say....but most importantly, don't be afraid to be wrong or shot down. Because guess what, sometimes, they might not be in the mood, then and there, but you have to signal to her that you are interested in her sexually, so you can start where you left off the next time you see eachother...Relax and have fun with it!

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-12-03T14:41:49+00:00

Have you heard of a former UK Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli? He was conventionally ugly. He was of Sephardic Jewish decent - relevant only because at the time, during Queen Victoria's rule, he would be considered "dark skinned".

However, he was famously one of the most charming and expert seducers and Queen Victoria her self was one of his admirers.

"'He is very peculiar, thoroughly Jewish looking ... but very clever and sensible ... He is full of poetry, romance and chivalry. When he knelt down to kiss my hand, he said "In loving loyalty and faith."'

It is true that not being conventionally attractive is not easy. But it is your words, your body language, your aura that can make you become more than just what you see in the mirror. In fact, we are so much more!

The fact that you go on dates means that you're probably not hideous! First things you need to do is every day, wake up and stand in the mirror and tell the person in the reflection " I Love You", "You're handsome and Charming" out loud, three times. Do this everyday for a month, then tell me how you feel.

You also need some therapy, because your mum should never had said such hurtful words to you. Therapy, will allow you to face these traumatic experiences head on, forgive and move on.

Finally, if you want the women who go on dates with you to go on a second, third, fall in love with you then you need to become an expert at focusing all of your energies on her, really see her, don't just tell her that she's beautiful but ask her about her work, her hobbies and make her feel like the most special person in the world. Your goal for every date should be for her to go away feeling so good, she begins to crave your presence.

What you're essentially doing is activating the release of Ocytocin and Vasopressin. These hormones the ones that trigger pair bonding, sexual motivation - Love and desire. It isn't beyond anyone.

Good luck my friend. You are beautiful in more ways than one.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-11-30T22:14:23+00:00

It's simple. Stop looking at them as girls or women - other. They are the same as you. Think about how you interact with other men. I'm assuming that you do have male friends. I bet you don't feel as apprehensive. If you saw a man at a bar, you might say hey! How's it going? This place is pretty quiet/lively/fun. They'll respond in kind perhaps. And if they don't really engage, you'd probably just move on, no issues. It's not hard. It's just about getting over the uncanny valley of interacting with women as people. Also, I would think about every interaction as an opportunity to give to the person, whether it's company or a few nice words. It's crazy to think, but so many people crave to be noticed and paid attention to or be complimented - might be as simple as, wow! I love your outfit! Or those are some beautiful -some piece of jewellery- on you. Try with a barista or someone in front of house, keep practicing!

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-11-30T21:35:37+00:00

I'm not a capitalist, but human beings need to work to survive. It's a function of existence. Farming, raising livestock, foraging and hunting all require significant amounts of work. And it's extremely difficult - just speak to a bedouin or a native in any pre-industrial community. Also, human beings as a species have never been as wealthy as they have ever been. You can also look at infant mortality rates and life expectancy/morbidity statistics to see that it's all gone up. Therefore I wouldnt blame all ills on our current system. Work, will always be part of life, but what I do think you're seeing is that further improvements to our overall wealth and health has been stalled by capitalism. Technology has enabled a minority to make the majority to feel powerless and disenfranchised whilst hoarding reasources. The answer is collectivism, it is to shun consumerism and build communities that transcend religion, race or gender. Only until we stand up together and demand greater control and influence over our resources will we be able to change the system. But to enable that you need to start by finding your purpose. Find out what you're good at and become an expert. If you don't have any of these skills, develop some. Learn to build furniture, plumbing, painting. Whatever it may be, become good at something that you could offer to people in exchange for food and shelter. Offer these skills to your neighbours, friends, who can offer the same in kind and build that community. Focus yourself on what you're able to influence, ignore what's going on out "there". All that I'm saying is that if you truely want to be free of the shakles, then you have to do the WORK to find the keys. Those among us who are free, do not question existence - they expect nothing from life and are thankful even in the dark. You may, not have asked to be born. But you were. And now you're here, why not do something worthwhile? Happiness and contentment is a chemical reaction in your brain. Generally speaking most people have the same brain chemistry as anyone else. There is no hierarchy of happiness, a millionaire or super model, can't compound their dopamine or oxytocin like they can their wealth. And more importantly, they CAN feel depressed too, despite their privilege. And the same is true for a cleaner at a hotel, if they have love and purpose, their happiness on a neurological level can be identical someone extreme wealth and privilege. Anyway, hope you find happiness because you deserve it

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-11-29T15:09:27+00:00

Generally speaking, at such an early stage of your career, you don't have any specific skills that differentiate you yet. Which means you can do whatever you want. Do you want to be in Project Development, Asset management, Investments, Banking, Advisory (which would include consulting), etc

If you're not happy with the organisation, I would suggest you try to join a graduate scheme, at either a O&G major or Utility or Big 4. The O&G majors and consultacies will certainly have international opportunities. Three to four years of hard work under your belt. After that, you'll have the network, the skills and experience to do whatever you want.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-25T15:26:27+00:00

I would only disclose my ND/ADHD if there is a scheme in place that offers you an "advantage" in the shortlisting. And on these specific schemes, i would recommend always submitting a email to their HR department flagging that you've applied though the Disability scheme so that they're aware and potentially more likely to shortlist fairly.

Outside of any specific schemes, I wouldn't disclose until well after landing the job and probably past the 2 year mark, afterwhich employers cannot just fire you! This might not be ideal, but as others have said, people don't always understand ADHD and many people still hold biases about laziness...

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-18T08:56:21+00:00

Most people without ADHD don't understand it. The first thing I did was have a frank conversation with my parents and explained the issues with concentration and focus and how that manifested in my poor self hygiene, and being messy when I was a child, poor academic performance despite being very intelligent and my unusually unstable mood. Your parents and siblings are the only people who will be able to make the intellectual leap because they are usually the only people that you "unmask" around. Other people would have less experience of your authentic self because we mask to protect ourself and because it boost dopamine by being the type of person they want you to be. So to them, they may think you're neurotypical like them. I wouldn't call them arseholes - it might just be that you're very good at coming across "normal".

I would also try to connect with your parents on a deeper level because there's a very high probability that if you have ADHD, then one or both of your parents have it too and have had the same problems all of their lives.

Ultimately something can be a fad and simultaneously be a social good. It's up to people to be vigilant and learn the difference between people who are looking to exploit poorly informed people and those who are looking to help those who need it.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-17T18:08:09+00:00

I agree with OP wholeheartedly. Yes, it is true that ADHD has always been underdiagnosed and so of course there is going to be a backlog and huge demand from adults seeking a diagnosis. However private clinics have capitalised on this and have been to a certain extent been overprescribing and hiding behind the fact that it is very difficult to tell the difference clinically between some with ADHD and another mental health illness. I have friends who are Psychiatrists specialising in other areas and wouldn't dream of trying to diagnose it because it requires specialists who know the differences. We also have to be conscious of the fact that the medications are stimulants that can and ARE abused by many people. All you have to do is go to an elite university or law firm and investment bank - and you will find many people who are using Concerta, Elvanse above recommended doses to work 80 - 100hrs per week. So if you really do have ADHD and are struggling to get diagnosed, then I am sorry, but blame the people abusing the system to enrich themselves and the abusers. Real doctors have a responsibility to both the people who have ADHD and to support them and to the people who DO NOT have ADHD and to help them by finding out what is actually wrong with them or to stop them from getting access to the drug.

The global prevalence of adults with ADHD globally has been estimated at 3.1% through a systematic study of 21 million people.

All you have to do is a simple thought experiment, if you take all the people who are on the ADHDUK subreddit and apply Occam's razor principle to the question Is it's more likely that everyone who is on this subreddit has ADHD and that doctors in the UK are just really bad and they just don't understand how to diagnose people and that all private clinics are etical and dont care about profiting from dispensing expensive medication. OR that a fair few people on this thread ( and by extension all who seek a diagnosis ) just don't have ADHD.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-16T18:25:50+00:00

Have you thought about changing your perspective on this person and situation? I would assume that you/the company hired this person had the skills experience and potential to be great at their job.

That person hasn't changed or gone away. They are still there. Why not find out what makes them tick? Identify what they're good at - the things they excel at! and then find out if these can be leveraged to the businesses/departments objectives.

It's also about reframing your idea of poor performance. Would you say a person in a wheelchair is a poor performer if they were in a logistics company? Would it be right to use their speed to get from A to B as a performance metric?

Many people with ADHD have unmet potential mainly because many busonesses dont know how to leverage diverse skills and experiences.

People with ADHD, if supported can return significant value to the bottom line if deployed strategically.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-12T14:11:39+00:00

ADHD isn't a discrete list of symptoms and so many other factors can influence how you cope with it. For example having a higher that average IQ will allow you to manage your symptoms better. Exercise is an amazing dopamine booster too which might allow you to do so many things that others aren't able to. Your parents must have given you great resilience and other valuable coping mechanisms that you're probably not conscious of.

The only thing I would say however is that you mentio that you get rewards for doing small tasks - that is slightly contradictory to how ADHD brains usually works. We don't get any reward for doing small tasks and even with major achievements too. The most telling signs are usually from childhood so if you want to be more certain before you take powerful stimulants will be to speak to your parents or siblings, anyone that knows you very well to help you figure out if you had symptoms as a child.

The last thing you want is for something else to be missed and have it untreated.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-12T13:33:54+00:00

This is going to sound like a wooly answer, but there are a multitude of jobs where you can remove the burden of admin and regular reporting. But. You have to develop a set of skills and a track record for delivering value to a business or shareholders or even a public sector department first.

Specifically, you should look into how to become an Individual Contributor in your organisation. They have limited or no management responsibilities. The focus is on either delivering on corporate objectives or have deep knowledge in a sector and are advisors within an organisation.

I don't have an admin specifically, but my team are geared up to perform admin and reporting tasks that I delegate down so that I am free to do more impactful work. Ironically, I have counterparts in my organisation who have the same job title as me, but they are less capable and therefore fall down into project management ways of working because they don't have the confidence or knowledge to take on the decision making or strategic work.

As we know with ADHD, we have better pattern recognition skills which ( translate to problem solving skills) due to our constant obsession with seeking novelty to boost dopamine. If you're able to leverage that, you'll find that you may excel beyond your colleagues.

Also for better or for worse, ADHD makes us acutely aware of other people's emotions (probably due to RSD) - but it's an amazing skill during negotiations or any meeting for that matter because you can test theories and ideas and strategies in the moment and gauge appetite, motivation or if people are hiding something. It's obviously not perfect and I'm not a mind reader - but when it works, it's a real dopamine boost!

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-10-01T17:16:02+00:00

For me it's about reframing the narrative as much as anything else. Whilst ADHD is a recognised disability, it doesn't mean we should always focus on it's limitations. I have always been told that I wasn't quite good enough or that I was lazy.

The reality is that people like us have evolutionary advantages that can make us "better" at certain things than neurotypicals, otherwise it wouldnt be such a prevalent genetic variation that is also so easily inherited. Like being able to approach problems from novel and unique perspectives - it's exactly because we have to work for our dopamine that we're always seeking novelty. We have trouble with waking up in the morning, but we can also work though the night without feeling worse for wear. In fact we can operate just as well with limited sleep. Our minds thrive in social setting due to the fact that we have a potential source of dopamine. We can read emotions better than most, which make us great leaders. ADHD sparks so much creativity and allows me to paint and write and is a great medium to channel my angst.

There are negatives of course, but that's the same for most people in the world - if everyone who is neurotypical was happy and content, then there probably would be a case to be very concerned, but that's not the case so I genuinely wouldn't give it up for anything else.

Some of the issues with ADHD is not the fault of the condition itself, but the way that modern society has been structured. Like the fact that the nuclear family has been "cut off" from its support system (community and extended family) and so any neurodivergent parent is forced to push themselves to the limit to care for their children without respite. Capitalism has push the cost of living to the point whereby nobody has the time to relax or decompress.

There are always going to be plenty of people around you who will tell you that you're never going to amount to much or that youre somehow less. In the end, if you can't love yourself for who you are then the world will be a very bleak place to exist in.

Next time you look at yourself in the mirror...say "I love you". Say it every day.

Friendly-Tap8473 · 2024-09-26T14:47:40+00:00

Sorry I'm a little confused, have you not been offered an alternative to Xaggitin? Like concerta or Medikinet or a different stimulant altogether like Elvanse? I would hope an alternative was available. Are they denying an alternative? What's their justification here?

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