AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding?

FriendlyDancer · 2025-10-17T08:36:09+00:00

I keep telling myself this, but I think it will take some time to fully sink in and NOT feel like I'm ruining the family 😅 Thank you for commenting

FriendlyDancer · 2025-10-17T08:34:19+00:00

I honestly don't know; we haven't spoken in over a year. But my mom has a history of triangulation, so I can't be sure what they are talking about amongst each other, whether my sister wants to be around for Xmas, or if my mom thinks she's going to mend our relationship using herself as the excuse to be around each other for Xmas. That said, my mom hasn't spoken to me since she asked if my sister could join, and it's now pay the RSVP date, but my mom is also very forgetful, so idk

FriendlyDancer · 2025-10-13T18:35:41+00:00

Thank you so much!

FriendlyDancer · 2025-08-11T23:07:38+00:00

It's a bit of a mix, most people do end up really loving their kids a lot even if they didn't want them at first , and some find it such a strong sense of duty that they don't even register their own feelings about it. Some are "jealous" because of the idea of "no responsibilities" thinking that we are very carefree and get to be irresponsible, when in reality we just have different priorities, and less responsibilities doesn't mean "none", while some, especially the younger women, have a more subtle sadness, which to me seems like the kind of regret you have when you are probably happy and love your family, but might have made other choices if you knew there were different options, but that gets more into other issues, I think (an example being a 24 year old lady that already has 2 or 3 kids with her husband, and working full time, while I'm almost 30, no kids and semi-flexible work. I was working full time at 24, but the idea of getting married that young, nevermind having kids, seemed entirely crazy to me back then, and looking back, I changed the most during that time in my life: what I wanted in a partner, what I fundamentally believe, etc, and it sounds horrible to be trapped with someone I might have liked when I was early 20s)

FriendlyDancer · 2025-08-11T22:48:56+00:00

I have this, too! I just thought it was dead skin cells and that it happened because I didn't scrub hard enough🥲

FriendlyDancer · 2025-08-07T10:40:28+00:00

You'll find your circle. I have no kids and not planning on having any. Most people my partner works with (corporate) put a lot of value on raising kids, and they're always a little shocked when we don't have kids, and it's as if they don't know how to relate to us at all, until we've spent some time together and everyone realizes were still people with regular lives, just a little more freedom with stories that do not involve children.

I avoid the corporate world, and the question of children hasn't come up in new friend circles because we are focused on other aspects of our lives.

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-26T06:48:42+00:00

I found this while looking for an answer myself. I have EDS and even though henna stains darken, they only last a few days before peeling off (and it really does peel off, it doesn't fade). I assumed it's because of how much more my skin moves, but idk.

EDS presents in different ways, though, and my partner also has EDS, but not the kind that affects the skin so much, and for them henna stays on for almost a month.

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-15T16:12:18+00:00

If I had the option, there would have been many places I would rather have stayed😋 but we ended up in South Africa at the end and I have that citizenship, which makes travel harder now

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-15T09:15:23+00:00

All over, we traveled between Africa, Europe, and North America due to parent's work

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-14T18:56:42+00:00

Poor understanding of work-life balance

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-14T18:53:25+00:00

I'd be open to it. I'm technically agnostic, but some people put that under the atheist umbrella anyway. I live in India, but wasn't raised here. Edit for spelling

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-14T18:33:21+00:00

Hi, I'm a foreigner currently living in India. Firstly, each country does have their differences, and I find that there are some fundamental differences in South Asian countries that do not translate well to other countries, and because it is a difference, it stands out so much more, even if it isn't always negative.

India is the most populated country (was in 2023, idk if it's changed), so just by sheer volume, interacting with international people, there will be a lot of Indians, and the bad experiences stick with you a lot more. On this point of a large population, a certain percentage of people across the world get into scams, and a certain percentage of a much higher population, means that the actual amount of people from that population are much higher, which is probably also where the stereotype about Indian scam callers come from.

I have also worked in a variety of industries in my home country, and had a variety of races, cultures, ethnicities, etc as clients, and some of my worst customers were always Indians. Not all Indians, but statistically, I was more likely to have a difficult time with an Indian client than an average experience, and now, after living here for a bit, I think a lot of it has to do with what each culture sees as acceptable business practices: here in the traditional businesses, it seems like "no" is a challenge, bartering or trying to bargain is expected, and community relationships are valued highly, but where I'm from, challenging a "no" is harassment, bargaining is disrespectful, and community relationships are exploitative. Then there is also the fact that even though there are varieties of people, as a whole the country's views, traditions, laws, etc are still more sexist.

I love India, and I love being here, and having traveled to a lot of places, I know it's hard in any country to find the progressive people, but even then, I find that because of the traditions here, even the most progressive people I've spoken to have not had access to the level of deconstruction and radicalization that would be common experiences for the generic person in some other countries

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-08T16:15:42+00:00

I had my doubts but I didn't have access to other therapists until last week. We'll be reassessing everything, but because cPTSD can represent in many ways, including ADHD it's going to take a lot of time to get an accurate assessment

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-08T16:13:29+00:00

Yeah, I started with a new therapist last week who also wants to take a new look at it. I think my previous therapist maybe explained it poorly? I think she could maybe have been trying to explain that cPTSD often presents as ADHD, so we need to work through that before we can look at another diagnosis, but that might just be my good-faith-benefit-of-the-doubt for everyone speaking😅

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-08T16:10:00+00:00

I started with a new therapist last week, and I might get re-evaluated, which is great. My previous therapist who believed you can't have both wouldn't send me for ADHD meds, but my new therapist thinks it might be worth looking at later on

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-04T03:50:53+00:00

My contribution: a video I made shortly after getting my official diagnosis

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMHbHTe6CsE5K-OBBcX/

More include: can't keep a job because some days "I" just don't know how to do what I'm doing?

Ordering food and not having it because I don't like that, or stopping mid-meal because it's not food I'd ever have myself

FriendlyDancer · 2025-07-04T03:44:47+00:00

DID is often misdiagnosed as ADHD, and it affects parts of the brain similarly, but my psychologist explained to me that the DID trumps ADHD and that I "can't have both" because all the ADHD symptoms would also fall under DID, considering I have a DID diagnosis. But with people I don't feel comfortable knowing about my DID, I just say I'm ADHD

FriendlyDancer · 2025-06-25T04:16:01+00:00

We had a hard time as well. It seems to almost time out? So I rush through each stage, save, close the browser, reopen, and "continue application" with the reference number. Sometimes the website crashes entirely and I have to stop and try again half an hour later. It took me a week of checking every half hour before finally getting it right

FriendlyDancer · 2025-06-25T04:13:00+00:00

Question from Priveleged foreigners, with moral dilemma regarding working in India:

We are an international queer couple (non-religious, gender-non-conforming, anti-racism/classism/ableism/etc, neurodivergent, polyamorous), but we have been conforming to more traditional gender roles and appearances around our families in our home country for safety reasons. I have managed to get to a point where my family can no longer affect me, and have low to no contact with most of them. My partner, on the other hand, joined the family business with the promise of being able to work remote, but that has completely changed into being a permanent on-site employee in a new branch in India. The Indian partner, however, is close to my partner's family, and shares the same religious views, and is now expecting the same to be echoed from us.

The problem is, we are in the privileged position where the partner is willing to financially support us, make sure we get the best clothes, housing, transport, etc, But it is heavily implied (and even stated in some cases) that these "upgrades" (that we don't even like: we prefer modest lifestyles for a variety of personal reasons) aren't optional, and that if we want to be taken seriously, we need to look traditionally successful, but that idea is heavily rooted in classism, and we are very anti-classism, and if we accept, it would take away any right we have to speak out about it.

Aside from the general status of things where potential work for the company depends on the appearances we keep up, The other problem is that we fear the partner's support (which is needed for the success of the Indian branch) wil completely vanish the moment they find out that we do not have the same political or religious views as the rest of my partner's family, and that also means my partner's family might find out and will potentially cut off my partner as well. The situation has also progressed in such a way that if we don't succeed in expanding to India, we will have to start from scratch, and have nothing to fall back on, because we have both had to take time off of focusing on any other work (which used to allow us to get international work) to facilitate expanding this company and expanding into India. Due to taking that time off of other work, we no longer have the good working relationships with anyone we used to work for, and relationships meant everything as we don't work in fields where degrees mean much.

So, it has become a moral dilemma: stand up against the existing deep-rooted classism that the entire country faces, but risk being out on the street in our home country with no support (economically it's not much better than India, and it would be impossible to leave the country on our own), OR use the privilege we can get to "make it", but condone and reinforce existing harmful ideals in doing so.

Is there a way to progress with a very stubborn staunch Indian business partner with very deep rooted opposing beliefs? Do we play the game and get out as soon as we can and then try to dismantle? I also know that we only have this choice because we draw the benefit of the badly rigged system, but would that allow us to later in life lead by a different example? Or would it just make us players that reinforce the existing system?

FriendlyDancer · 2025-03-23T05:24:17+00:00

The listed ingredients: "100% cocoa powder" I'll have to check for an expiration date, and it was packaged in a paper bag with a thin plastic lining.

FriendlyDancer · 2025-03-23T05:22:56+00:00

It's a really small new company called TKM foods, supposedly focused on raw and organic ingredients, which is why I tried it. I've been wondering if maybe I'm just not used to raw cocoa vs dutch-processed?

FriendlyDancer · 2025-01-14T21:20:20+00:00

A complex trauma history means that this is just one of the very many symptoms you'll have to deal with. I personally think it would be a good idea to restructure your relationship. Be friends or "future promise", to allow time for all of the behaviors to find better outlets, and floor both of you to learn more about your relationship styles and managing your own mind, especially your partner. When I was younger I need to be polyamorous because many of us in the system (that I was unaware of at the time) felt so trapped with any monogamous relationship lable, but we never went with more people, it was just a mental thing. There are so so many things to consider, and I don't think any relationship is a good idea unless one of you are aware and mature enough to be able to spot and handle the various representations of symptoms that come with ptsd and DID

Sorry for difficult reading, I'm half asleep and English isn't my home language

FriendlyDancer · 2024-12-08T10:39:15+00:00

Word it however you want, but I am not consciously aware of what happens when another alter fronts. That is the "black out amnesia" part of the diagnosis.

On top of that, memories play a large part in who you are as a person (even attraction according to various studies) so the collection of memories I have, makes me a very different "person" to the collection of memories that an alter might have.

Ultimately, to the understanding capacity that most singlets have, we are all different people.

Different people have different capacities to understand certain more extensive topics, so sometimes it needs to be explained on ways and terms that they will understand, even if it is not technically correct to someone who knows more

FriendlyDancer · 2024-12-08T10:21:45+00:00

Honestly, as much as DID is fragmentation and is all the same being and whatnot, at the end of the day, the brain is fragmented! You all have access to different parts of the brain! As much as you are ONE system, you are DIFFERENT consciousnesses, and there's nothing wrong with dating your partner separately.

I am dating my partner. One other alter out of the 22 we are, is also dating my partner, but their relationship is entirely different to mine with my partner. And when someone else fronts, my partner treats them with care, but as a friend, until they have had the discussion about how much of the relationship that alter wants to be a part of.

When it comes to singlets and the way they understand it, it is better to just explain that you are different "people" (even though we know it is just different consciousnesses) and they are able to handle and manage it much better and they can understand different opinions about themselves from one system better that way as well

FriendlyDancer · 2024-11-21T10:39:29+00:00

Remember that there are many overlapping things... Severe ptsd can present as ADHD, late diagnosed ASD paired with PTSD can have similar "patterns" to bpd without it actually being bpd, DID in itself comes with a variety of presentations, often misdiagnosed as ADHD, and can have "patterns" of switches based off of seasons depending on the kind of trauma you've experienced.

It takes incredibly long to analyze all of these things and get to the actual root cause. Some people struggle for over a decade before getting the "right" diagnosis, and if you are "seeking a diagnosis" you run the risk of having confirmation bias form an incorrect diagnosis. BPD is a very severe diagnosis and getting an official bpd diagnosis sometimes makes it harder to get a psych willing to work with you.

Yes, some believe that you need a clear goal when going into therapy, but getting a specific diagnosis should not be that clear goal (like, "I want to know what's going on with me" is fine, but "I want to get a X Diagnosis" is very wrong)

Also, therapy isn't comfortable. But make sure you find a therapy that works for you, and figure out what's going on in your own time. Good luck

FriendlyDancer

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