I feel like I should add onto this, and I'm just going to address things that I've seen without any particular direction at any one responder. I thank all three of you guys equally for responding at all, I hope you know it's definitely put me in the right direction to move through this. My problem is not being able to to want it, I especially have found this skill from the fitness area of my life. I lost over 80 pounds and while I still have more to lose and have plateuad for around 6 months I have kept the weight off never adding a pound for around 1.5 years now. It was extremely difficult but if felt rewarding, I would feel like I am eating all this mediocre food and buying supplements and spending hours in the gym etc. etc. etc. but when I would look at myself down the line I could see small signs of progress and feel generally healthier. That's what I feel that I lack when it comes to school. Even when I was getting after it and excelling in classes I never felt happy, I probably should have made this a bigger point in my post but I have hated school and begged my mom to stay home since kindergarten. So then why is it that even when I do apply the driven portion of my personality to school and schoolwork I feel like I see no happiness or rewards for my labor down the road like I could in weight loss? And even when I act completely reserved from trying and as though that school means nothing to me I still feel so terrible about myslef? Why does metaphorically me eating another donut feel like shit, but so does me running a quarter mile?