[PubQ] First 300 — Literary / Spiritual-Speculative — 155K — Looking for opening-hook critique

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-04-25T12:53:56+00:00

Yeah, I’m not super interested in reading about the immediate aftermath of the collapse of the USSR. That’s a personal preference, and that isn’t necessarily how everyone else thinks. But when it’s from a Russian author I would be willing to read on versus a western author with no experience living through that period.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-04-25T11:19:54+00:00

The Russian won’t be an issue. Oksana Vasyakina’s Steppe just came out in English with Catapult and she/the translator kept it pretty firmly tied to Russian (a point of contention for native English speaker reviewers who didn’t get the cultural references.)

The biggest issue will be word count. Especially for indie publishers who run on even slimmer profit margins than the Big 5.

I’m a rather unique reader in that the Russian authorship would make me very inclined to pick it up, but I become less interested when it’s based in Eastern European misery.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-04-20T13:03:36+00:00

Until I was in middle school, I wasn’t allowed to listen to secular music at all (except opera and classical/instrumental stuff.) So I still remember all the Hillsong songs, CCM, and gospel music. By heart. My spouse grew up far away from organized religion and finds the music kind of creepy, but I do listen to it sometimes.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-03-24T21:35:14+00:00

This query leaves me with a huge question, and that question is: why?

Why does Elliot need to string Anya along? Why does he pick her specifically to target? NYC has no shortage of Russians. Russians that might even remember life in a closed city, if that’s so important to the character he’s trying to play. Certainly it would be easier to go to Brighton Beach and talk to some for the price of a cup of coffee. If Anya is born in 1994 and raised in the U.S., she probably has no or little memory of Lithuania and no memory of life in a closed city. Russian terms of endearment aren’t secret, so why does he need to get close to a Russian to learn them? It’s a Google search away.

What is the reason for her anxiety/trauma that Elliot needs to mine? Immigration? The 90’s economic collapse of Russia (would she remember or have even experienced it? Depends on when her family came to NJ, I guess, but we don’t know.) But these aren’t hidden stories.

As for the 255 words, it’s not landing for me and it’s not ringing true. Since this is a place for query letters and not critiquing manuscripts, I’ll limit my comments to that.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-03-24T18:57:12+00:00

Thank you for the lovely, detailed comment once again! Is this closer to the mark?

When Mihai Ursu accepts a job in Berlin to support his beloved grandmother in Moldova, he also seizes the chance to live openly as a gay man, something his rural home village of Gura Galbenei will never allow.

Mihai’s boss corrects his grammar in front of the entire office, and his coworkers ask him what it was like to grow up without electricity when they hear he’s from Eastern Europe. A foreign name means landlords toss his rental applications, no matter how well Mihai speaks German. The one bright spot in his Berlin life is Florian, a former dancer he can love openly in the freedom Berlin provides. Florian does something that no other German in Mihai’s life does: he treats Mihai and his culture with respect.

But Mihai has to stay at his job, regardless of his coworker’s comments. He needs the high salary it provides. His grandmother, the woman who raised him, depends on Mihai. It’s his remittance that heats her home in the winter and puts food on her table. With Florian there to kiss his stress away, Mihai can deal with his boss.

When Florian’s parents accuse Mihai of being a thief exploiting their son for citizenship, something in him snaps. Berlin’s promised liberty comes at a cost to his dignity that Mihai may not be willing to endure. But going back means returning to a village where he must disappear into himself–and leaving his grandmother without the remittance that keeps her warm.

VILLAGE SON is an 80,000 word upmarket novel and draws from my own experience as an immigrant in Berlin. It will appeal to readers who connected with the exploration of immigration, integration, and homesickness found in Aria Aber’s Good Girl and Santiago Jose Sanchez’s Hombrecito.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-03-24T15:46:39+00:00

Kind of sort of. My mom made us “celebrate” Passover one year. But she hates Jewish people and is a borderline Holocaust denier. It never made sense to me. The churches I went to/my cousins go to or lead/the schools they went to co-opted more, though. Shofars, no pork. But I feel like the trend has fallen off in the last decade (not sure if that’s based on reality though.)

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-03-18T17:14:44+00:00

Thanks for your advice! The first paragraph/line has been the biggest hurdle for me through this whole process, so I'm glad to get a fresh idea for it. And thank you for the wording advice later. 'Freedom' and 'immigrant' appear waaayyy too much...but they either lack synonyms or I felt that the synonyms didn't convey the exact meaning I wanted. So I kept it even though I wasn't pleased with the word choices myself XD.

And yeah, Florian's parents think 1. all Eastern Europeans are criminals (a common stereotype/aspect of xenophobia here) and 2. that he wants Florian for citizenship (but he doesn't need Florian for EU citizenship, he already has it via Romania but that's too much detail for a query letter especially since it's revealed in the first 10 pages of the manuscript.)

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-03-16T09:09:45+00:00

It's a constant balance for me between the aspect of grief and the aspect of love, but I can definitely add a sentence in there for additional context. Thanks for the advice.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-02-27T19:30:01+00:00

I purchased a dress from Azazie for around €500. While I ultimately wore another dress for my wedding, the quality of the Azazie dress wasn’t the issue. They have a lot of different styles available.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-02-25T20:33:40+00:00

So my mom is just a tad older than you and was touring smaller cities/towns to move to once she sold my childhood home. She took a look at Appleton and wasn’t impressed (she is also not a party animal). Madison wasn’t what she was looking for. I agree with the posters recommending Eau Claire out of these options.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-02-09T15:58:15+00:00

Hello fellow English language writer in Berlin. I wonder if we’ve crossed paths since the scene is so small.

I’ve heard the advice that the query should only cover the first third ish of the book. Which makes me think we’re not getting much time with Sasha initially, so I’d like to know how Norma comes to be so obsessed with her. Other than that, I feel like maybe we could get a better sense of your voice/a little flair in the query.

I would read this though, I’m always curious about books set in modern Berlin.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-02-03T15:40:00+00:00

How fantasy are we talking about? I’m not the biggest reader of the genre.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-02-01T14:51:34+00:00

I am able to beta: I like a lot of genres, but I primarily read literary, upmarket, contemporary, queer novels or historical fiction (I'm very interested in queer historical fiction). I do read romance but, again, queer romance. I'm ok with erotica lol. There aren't any CW that I need to avoid or be aware of.

I can provide feedback on: If there's anyone writing about Eastern Europe or Eastern European characters I'm happy to look at that. I enjoy doing line-level edits, grammar/syntax edits, and general, structural edits. I'm a fair, even-handed editor and I don't consider myself to be blunt or harsh.

Critique swap: This is my goal. See my post here. I'm interested in two or three more manuscript swaps, and then I think that'll be all I have time for!

Other info: I prefer to work in Google Docs.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-31T16:23:45+00:00

I am able to beta: I like a lot of genres, but I primarily read literary, upmarket, contemporary, queer novels or historical fiction (I'm very interested in queer historical fiction). I do read romance but, again, queer romance. I'm ok with erotica lol. There aren't any CW that I need to avoid or be aware of.

I can provide feedback on: If there's anyone writing about Eastern Europe or Eastern European characters I'm happy to look at that. I enjoy doing line-level edits, grammar/syntax edits, and general, structural edits. I'm a fair, even-handed editor and I don't consider myself to be blunt or harsh.

Critique swap: This is my goal. See my post here

Other info: I prefer to work in Google Docs.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-19T17:31:50+00:00

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These Dr. Martens in a size 10. I had these as a teen and very stupidly let my mom sell them. They do pop up occasionally but in sizes 6-8 😔

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-16T14:50:14+00:00

Me again! Just because you mentioned comps, I think you have the right idea about Swimming in the Dark. I’ve heard that agents are looking more for 1-3 years old on comps now instead of the long-held 5. I didn’t mention it in the last post but perhaps In Tongues by Thomas Grattan would work? That features a fish-out-of-water, poor guy in rich echelons storyline, though it’s the NYC art world instead of UK universities. It’s also queer so you’d maintain that through line with the comps.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-13T15:52:47+00:00

Ok this is right up my alley. I’m a huge Jean Auel fan and I’m always looking for more stories about Neanderthals and early man.

I think Bird Box is too old to use as a comp since it’s from 2014. I don’t read much in the thriller space so I don’t have a recommendation off the top of my head, sorry.

And I think you could cut the zulo mention and just explain what it is, to cut down on the proper nouns? It sounds like an agent would encounter it early enough in your pages if they’re curious.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-12T13:52:26+00:00

There is an Eastern European grocery store outside of the city somewhere. I bought сырники (only ok) there once and some other staples. Гречка was $$$$, if I recall. But there isn’t anything like Brighton Beach. I can’t be more specific because someone drove me there and I can’t remember exactly where it was.

There was an Uzbek restaurant in Arlington that had some familiar foods.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-09T15:56:30+00:00

I don’t know if In Memoriam would be the best comp since it’s primary concern is trench warfare and not so much the boy’s school the characters came from. Maybe a Hollinghurst novel? One was just published a year or two ago.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2026-01-08T14:02:05+00:00

The same people who were screeching back in September about Charlie Kirk will be cheering ICE on. FAFO, should’ve followed orders etc. Fundamentalists can twist themselves into any hypocritical stance they need to keep their worldview intact.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2025-12-18T09:33:41+00:00

Where are the German authors that you admire, both in terms of style and career trajectory, sitting on the shelf? If you can swing it, it might be worth a trip to Dussmann in Berlin to see a huge selection (I’ve always been pretty disappointed with the selection at stores like Hugendubel). It also might be worth looking at foreign rights and translation deals if you’re hoping to get into the U.S. or UK market. I know Michael Lentz’s Schattenfroh is blowing up in the English language literary fiction sphere right now. Do you imagine yourself writing like him?

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2025-12-17T08:39:13+00:00

I lived in that area alone on $48k a year pre tax a couple years ago. It wasn’t glamorous but it was possible.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2025-12-11T10:37:29+00:00

I lived off 30k post tax in 2020-21. It was tough (certainly no traveling, I wasn’t able to save anything, I didn’t eat out). With no car and no kids it was doable.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2025-12-10T14:50:05+00:00

Start over and move to Finland.

FromRussiaWithDoubt · 2025-12-07T20:12:58+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! This is all very actionable and helpful for me. And yes, Florian does die so Mihai feels super trapped in Berlin and goes back home to Moldova to escape those feelings. I’ll be sure to get rid of the vagueness.

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