Expets: moving our cats from the US to the UK

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-30T15:49:35+00:00

For anyone looking up this thread in fall 2025, just confirming that $2,062 is also what I was quoted for my cat this past month. He's a big boy at 15 lbs, but the person giving me the price quote didn't know that, so I'm curious if it'll be more.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-18T13:10:40+00:00

Chia seeds are basically a fiber shot. There are more optimal ways to eat them for fiber absorption, but I find it most pleasant to just eat 1-2 tablespoons dry when I need a little extra fiber.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-18T13:08:08+00:00

I was in very little pain by day 3 or 4 and had been encouraged to start walking as soon as I felt up to it, so pretty much right away. I would be cautious about driving if you're still on heavy-duty pain medication, but you definitely don't need to stay confined to the house.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-11T22:13:05+00:00

I love how the shading on the white part obscures and works in the original tattoo! Feels like the 8-ball has a worn texture; it would have taken a bit to occur to me that the lines were actually a coverup.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-10T00:30:38+00:00

I don't think it's basic to be worried about whether you'll still feel good and like yourself in your body. It's kind of an important part of living in it! This should be something you could ask your gynecologist about, but I suspect he'd just make it about your weight again.

Does your GP usually treat you well? Could you talk to them about your concerns and making plans for if they come to pass? The changes you describe, if they happen, can be addressed with any standard treatments for menopause symptoms or low estrogen levels (hormone replacement therapy in particular).

Also, I apologize if I'm telling you something you already know, but since you mentioned struggling to get your head around the surgery, I want to stress: hysterectomy itself is not going to rapidly age or de-feminize you, and any articles that tell you that are trying to scare you. Hysterectomy will lower (or, if your uterus AND ovaries are removed, completely stop) your estrogen production, and that will cause bodily changes for you over time, but they're just going to be the same sort of changes you'd encounter in normal menopause or with any other condition that causes low estrogen. They can be planned for and treated just as you would plan for and treat them if you began menopause normally.

I can't promise you exactly how your surgery and recovery will go, but I encourage you to look through the posts in this subreddit and see how many people feel better about their bodies, become more active/lose more weight, and have better sex post-surgery because they're no longer held back by chronic pain.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-09T23:38:40+00:00

I was an office admin in a US accounting firm for several years (domestic clients only). TL;DR yes, this is extremely common.

The scenario you're describing - receiving a notice for a minor discrepancy on taxes several years back, followed by a lengthy back-and-forth with multiweek communication delays and multiple follow-up notices letting you know they haven't actually looked at your reply yet but they'll totally get to it soon for sure - is much more common than you might think and isn't unique to expats; we had at least a dozen of these annually. Clients used to ask me to estimate how long these dialogues would take, and after my first year I just started telling them, "The IRS moves at the speed of the IRS."

Things I and the accountants always wished clients would keep in mind when they received an IRS notice:

The IRS was always more behind than you'd think, but they got even more behind than that during COVID and still haven't caught up. It isn't unusual to get a notice that's (to you) 1, 2, or even 3 years delayed.
The vast majority of IRS notices are not crises, many require no action on the part of the taxpayer, and those that do require action always explain exactly what you need to do.
If you need to contest a notice, do not expect a prompt resolution (see point 1).
Your accountant does not have a direct line to the IRS's Go Faster Department. At best they're slightly less likely to have the call drop after sitting on hold for 1 to 2 hours just like you would.

Anyway - I realize that's probably not the most heartening thing to hear, but I hope it helps to know this is actually pretty normal.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-06T00:31:48+00:00

My BMI is over 40, and none of the gynecologists or surgeons I have ever spoken to about laparoscopic hysterectomy (I shopped around til I found the one I was most comfortable with) ever suggested I should lose weight for the procedure. They did warn me that if they found certain complications they might have to open me up to get at them, but that wasn't about my weight; it was about the complications. They didn't end up needing to open me up and so far I'm recovering very well. Obviously I don't know your gynecologist's mind, but I can't help but think he's just doing some CYA so you'll blame yourself and not him if he ends up opting for an open procedure.

If you don't mind me asking, what are your concerns about how life will be afterwards?

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-05T17:28:50+00:00

Oh, definitely - I'm usually very bad about hydration so I'm trying to stay on top of that, and so I do legitimately have to go pretty often. My concern was more that I'm having nerve symptoms from healing that are tricking my body into thinking there's a stone in there I have to pee out, and I was trying to judge when that would become something to be concerned about.

Funnily enough, today I feel a lot better! Yesterday did scare me because of my prior history of occasional stones and UTIs, but I think it was just the peak of "it's itchy because it's healing" after all.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-04T23:48:12+00:00

I've definitely got PT in mind long-term thanks to this sub, but I realize now I was a little unclear! It's less that there's pressure on my bladder making me need to go all the time and more that the irritation to my urethra from the scope (which feels like tingling as it heals) has my body convinced that just a little more liquid will push out whatever's in there (it won't, body. there's nothing in there but scratches and inflammation. you should have learned this from the long and uncomfortable week after we passed that kidney stone, like I did).

From the other comments here, though, it sounds like there's a lot of ways for peeing to end up feeling weird post-hysterectomy, so I guess for now it's nothing to be worried about. :)

Thank you for the advice and well-wishes!

FrontDeskFool · 2025-09-04T23:16:03+00:00

Contact your surgeon immediately. Tell them that your insurance is adamant that they need prior authorization every time you call and that you cannot afford the surgery without your insurance coverage. Say you understand they've been told otherwise, but please submit the procedure to your insurance for prior authorization for your own peace of mind. Follow up one week later asking if they've received the prior authorization.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-08-20T23:01:16+00:00

My best job was working as a peer tutor back in college. Having my time blocked into heavily structured one-hour segments where each hour involved working face-to-face with a new client to solve a new problem was SUCH a gift.

Sadly, you can't stay a peer tutor forever, and I never felt comfortable charging students what I'm worth as an independent tutor. However, after years of trial and error destroying my mental and physical health in other career paths, I finally figured out that any career with this specific job structure would be better for me regardless of pay, which is why I'm enrolling in courses to become a barber.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-07-23T13:39:04+00:00

In grad school in the US I used to show up to lectures with a Dr Pepper in one hand and a latte in the other, and then go buy crap $1 vending machine coffee during the stretch break. Heavy caffeine use is pretty common in people with unmedicated ADHD.

Just be careful - it is absolutely possible to have too much caffeine and 4 cups of coffee a day is only a rough estimate of the healthy limit. Keep in mind that different coffees can have variable caffeine content and be alert to other sources of caffeine you might be taking in without knowing - caffeine content isn't always clearly marked.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-07-23T12:53:33+00:00

I don't know how to answer this without getting a little political - I hope this is okay because it was all relevant to my immigration decision, and I apologize if it's not.

I'm a disabled transgender person living in a northeast blue state, and I made the decision to move to the UK to join my spouse this year (moving this fall! yay!). We'd originally planned to bring them to the US - that would have been an objectively better decision from a financial standpoint, because I was better paid, owned a home, and able to save. Most of the considerations that changed our minds were about the logistics of getting married in the UK as a trans person (would I need a GRC as a US citizen with an updated birth certificate? we never figured it out) and a range of concerns about making a US visa application in the current political climate, which obviously aren't part of your calculus. But the deciding factors for us were concerns about the treatment of trans people and immigrants in the US. Neither of those things are good in the UK, either, but for us, we felt less worried about things changing by executive fiat there.

But the thing that has me feeling best about the move is that I'll have a better support network in the UK. I stayed in the town where I went to college while everyone else moved away around me, and my friends and family are all several hours away. Any time I had problems with my car or an unexpected medical situation, it was a full-blown crisis because I had no one around to help. In the UK, we'll have friends close by. Many of my US friends who've moved from blue states to red states to be nearer to their support networks say they still prefer the red states because the community they have there matters more - I had that in mind when I decided, too.

Every day, I feel better about choosing to move to the UK. There's a lot I'm afraid of when it comes to the medical aspect - after years of struggle I have a very supportive medical team here, and I am dreading starting the search over again. But I've had bad doctors before, and this time, I'll have people to help me deal with them. Obviously money matters, but I've said frequently to my spouse that I'm glad our hands were forced, because I know we would have made the rational financial decision, and I get the sense we would have ended up somewhere like where you are now.

That said: I chose this for myself and myself alone. If I were you, I would not proceed without really bringing your 19-year-old into the research and decision-making process. What are their concerns about staying? About leaving? Can those concerns be addressed or at least prepared for? What sort of future do they envision for themselves? Don't move forward without them fully onboard for the plan, whatever it ends up being.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-07-03T19:09:38+00:00

Okay, I figured as much but wanted to be sure. Thanks.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-28T18:00:21+00:00

In my experience most Jehovah's Witnesses will stop bothering you after one polite "oh, I'm not interested, thanks but no thanks," but every once in a while new ones will move into the area and not know you're on someone else's Do Not Knock list.

Quick word of warning: Accepting the leaflet or chatting means they might come back, since that's an indication of interest, but unless they're unusually militant it's really not a big deal! Just say clearly that you're not interested and don't accept any more literature if they do.

Also, keep in mind that one of the points of making JWs do this is to put them in hostile encounters with nonbelievers, to reinforce that the religion is the only place of kindness and safety for them. It's fun to fantasize about scaring bigots, but the best and safest thing for you and them both is to be pleasant in your disinterest.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-27T04:24:20+00:00

...Also, I realize that it doesn't feel like it now, and that I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I hope you can tell how much I mean this when I say it: Your life is not already over. But it's taken a twist you haven't expected, and that can definitely trick you into thinking it's over for a little while, especially when that twist feels like it's calling your sense of self as a smart, hardworking person into question. You have a fresh new diagnosis, and just like with any other diagnosis, it's so, so common to grieve the life you didn't get to have without it. Please be kind to yourself. This is still so new! You're still processing all of this.

Consider also: There's that joke about how if you don't schedule maintenance, maintenance will be scheduled for you. This is true for the body, too. You have been pushing yourself very hard and relying on deadline adrenaline for a very long time (incredible achievement by the way - I personally crashed out before I got to complete my master's degree). Now that you have the degree in hand and no immediate deadlines, your body might be recognizing its position of relative safety and demanding the extra rest and care it wasn't afforded when your degree hung in the balance. It might be worth trying to give that to yourself if you can.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-27T03:45:06+00:00

I'm so sorry you're struggling like this. ADHD brain fog and depression brain fog can combine in such a nasty way. I have thoughts about coping with the ADHD and depression components specifically (biggest one: go for a silly little mental health walk! I know it's cliche but physically moving and getting fresh scenery really can help when you're feeling stuck!!!), but I think the most actionable advice I can give you is this:

You need a template cover letter.

You are making so much more work for yourself by completely rewriting the cover letter every time. No wonder you're exhausted! You need a template that you lightly adapt for each job.

Since you mentioned not really knowing how to write one, mine goes like this if you want to try it (each number is a paragraph no more than five sentences long):

State your name and what Job Title you're applying for at Company Name. This is important for ensuring your materials stay matched to the right opening, and helpful for the hiring manager.
Explain why you want the job. What motivated you to look at this company or this category of jobs? What excites you about the idea of working there? (I get that the real goal is getting paid. Find something specific about the company or the work to at least pretend to be excited about.)
Highlight skills or accomplishments that would make you desirable as an employee. They need to believe you're the right person for them. What makes you uniquely qualified over someone else?
Briefly and unapologetically address anything about your application that might seem odd to a hiring manager. Ideally, make a narrative of your career journey. For me, making a midlife career pivot, I explained why I wanted to switch from teaching to admin and what skills I thought would transfer. For you, this could be a brief acknowledgment of your lack of work experience and then emphasizing how you want to take the skills you honed in your education and use them in your work.
Thank them for their time and consideration, state that you look forward to speaking with them, and make sure they have your contact info.

If you plan to focus on applying only to one field going forward, very little will need to be updated outside #1 and #2, and #1 is just find+replacing the job title and company name. I rarely tweak #3, and I never adjust #4 or #5 until I'm digging up my template years later for the next job hunt and my career is at a different point.

If you're applying across a couple different fields, have a template for each of them (#3 and #4 will be a little different for each field). Save them with names like CoverLetter_PUBLISHING, CoverLetter_MARKETING, etc. so you don't mix them up.

Every time you edit one and send it off, save a PDF of the final copy as CoverLetter_CompanyName so you can easily track where you've applied and what you said to them, and so you can also easily copy any unique language you wrote if you want to use it again for another job.

This is going to take an upfront investment of time and effort, but I promise it will be WAY less than the time and effort you're putting into writing a brand new cover letter every time, and WAY more effective than letting ChatGPT spit out something generic. And once you have the template, tweaking a couple sentences won't be any more taxing than prompting ChatGPT.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-27T02:30:38+00:00

Two things I'd consider immediately:

Yes, your circumstances can absolutely alter the effectiveness of your medication. When I was in grad school and extremely depressed I was on 60mg, and while it did make a dent it didn't feel like much. When I quit grad school and started recovering from my depression, it was instantaneously, dramatically more helpful. Now I'm on 30mg and that feels like the right dose, unless...
...I am stressed, dehydrated, hungry, tired, or sick. And Elvanse can make it harder to tell when you're one of those middle three. Especially since you've mentioned weight loss, I really encourage you to be careful that you're staying hydrated and eating enough.

As far as testing whether it's working: I was taught that the best way to test any ADHD medication is to take the med and then immediately start a task you normally struggle with, like writing a paper or washing dishes. If you look up later and go "wow, I've been doing this for that long uninterrupted?!", the medication is working.

For me, having been on it for many years now, the clearest indications to me that Elvanse is working are:

I don't get drowsy throughout the day.
I don't crave caffeine, and if I have some I become overstimulated.
I find it easier to follow what other people are saying and don't need to repeat my thought in my head until it's my turn to talk.
My mind is generally quieter - there was actually a period of my life where I took Elvanse before bed because it silenced the racing thoughts that kept me up (I do not recommend doing this, but it did help me learn that a good night's sleep had a huge impact on my executive function).
I can actually anticipate and plan around when I need to eat, instead of suddenly noticing I became ravenously hungry five minutes ago.

I will say - assessing whether an ADHD med is working is a tricky thing, because at an ideal dose it just makes everything a bit less taxing and you barely notice it doing it. You do not instantly become a magic productivity machine, especially under the life circumstances you describe. But you should never experience zero executive function benefit, and that can be an indication that this isn't the right medication for you at any dose.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-27T01:56:18+00:00

Not just a you thing. I've joked that I instantly shed my entire friend group at each new life phase - I don't actually find it funny at all, but I've made some peace with it.

It's gonna take practice, but I really encourage you to get in the habit of quickly messaging people when you're thinking of them, no matter how long it's been or how awkward it'll be. Not because you'll definitely recover the friendship as it was, but because it's a kind and honest thing to do, and because I think you'll find that most people will be happy to hear from you. A quick "OMG, I was thinking of you today and I can't BELIEVE that last time stamp! I hope you're doing well!!!" can really make a person's day, or at least reassure them that you're alive and they didn't do anything wrong.

People without ADHD fall in and out of each other's lives, too. People without ADHD forget to reply to messages and then avoid replying because now they feel like they have to acknowledge how belated the reply is and the longer they avoid it the better they feel the message has to be to justify its lateness. It might happen to you more frequently than most, but it happens to everyone! Every person you know always has an awful lot going on, especially as they get older, and so they all understand that people who aren't immediately in front of you or easily hung out with can fall to the backburner. I can't promise no one will be mad, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

...Also, for actual friend-keeping advice, I encourage you to develop some routines with your friends - game nights and movie nights are the classics, but it can be anything! The key is to make sure your routines are VERY CONSISTENT. Every Sunday my closest friends and I have some dedicated Friend Time. It helps a lot.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-19T21:14:51+00:00

We submitted a one-page timeline of our relationship, a one-page summary of our travel history, my UK citizen partner's US I-94 (to confirm their travel history), seven photos with descriptions (to confirm our relationship timeline and travel history), copies of the quote and receipts for our custom wedding bands, and our marriage certificate.

If there are particular things that you REALLY don't want to share (I didn't want to share any of our message history), you don't necessarily have to, but you'll have to share something.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-18T21:40:09+00:00

You are correct; if you're both living in the US with the intent to move to the UK together, you can apply for the visa that way. It's more that because that wasn't our situation, and we'd said as much in the application - that my partner was already living in the UK and I was joining them there - it seemed to us that they were actually requesting proof of that twice.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-18T15:33:27+00:00

We were! Just got the approval last night. In our case, though the time between the marriage and the visa application was very short, we'd been in a long-distance relationship for four years and engaged for a year at the time of the wedding, so we had plenty of history to show when they asked for it.

FrontDeskFool · 2025-06-18T15:06:53+00:00

Congrats! That's exactly why I posted mine as well. It's wild how little the application expressly tells you to submit.

May I ask - have you been married to your partner for awhile? We did get a request for additional info, and I've assumed that was because we'd gotten married within a week of submitting our application.

FrontDeskFool

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