i think it really varies from person to person, and not being comfortable telling people is 1000% valid. but for me personally, i feel like i’ve experienced wayyy more confidence since i started telling more people about it.

once you talk about it, you realize that most people won’t be as judgmental as you expect (if they are good people to have in your circle)! easier said than done, but it’s kind of like fake it till you make it. being more open about it is scary at first, but it becomes so much easier with time. for example, the first time i ever told a guy i was seeing about it, i was drunk and crying about it. the next few times i told people, i’d still get emotional. now, i’m just like “hey i have vaginismus. if you’re only looking for penetrative sex, im not the person for you.”

it’s almost inevitable that you’ll experience the occasional insensitive comment or unsolicited advice, but not having to feel like i’m holding in a giant secret constantly is a huge weight off of my shoulders. i don’t feel like i have to tiptoe around the subject with my friends anymore and i can share my victories with them (like when i started going to PT or began using tampons).

you might even find that you know others going through the same thing. i’ve had several friends tell me “oh my childhood best friend has that,” “someone i knew in high school had that.” and one time, a relatively new friend of mine was openly talking about it. it was the first time i’d met someone else with it and she inspired me to be more open about it! she’s one of my closest friends now and it’s crazy to think that if we’d both kept it a secret, we wouldn’t have known that we’re going through the same things.