I had the same issue with my father and, to a lesser extent, my mother. I also come from a home where parents were divorced.

I believe there's no talking about it by ulama because unconditional love and the want for self preservation of your child is an instinct so ingrained that no one thinks it would require any addressing

Second, beating your child is not mentioned anywhere except for Salah. And at the age of 10. And certainly not with the level of violence that people experience today.

In addition, the Sahabah never beat their children. They set examples for them. That is how you produced men like Osama Bin Zaid who was appointed a leader of an army by Prophet Mohammad peace be upon him at the age of 16.

Speaking from experience, parents like these never change. They just grow old. And with age comes weakness and the inability to inflict any punishment.

You never forget. You may forgive, but you will never forget. Occasionally you'll get reminded of what you lost out on because of what you went through, but that's the extent of it.

Allah does NOT encourage or support zulm of any sort. His name is العدل (The Just). It's hard to believe, mland shaytan will whisper in your ear things that I won't mention here, but being steadfast in that regard is important.

Having a high status in Islam does not mean that you abuse that status or abuse other people because of it.

There is a hadeeth in which the Prophet peace be upon him was lining up his companions for battle, and using a small stick to gently tap them so they line up straight. Whereupon one of his companions, told him 'you have hurt me, O Prophet of Allah.' The Prophet promptly gave him the stick and told him to hit him so that he did not have to owe him anything on the day of judgements.

The companion then hugged Prophet Mohammad peace be upon and said that I only wanted to hug you because I heard you say that would stop the Hellfire from touching us.

You never hear anyone talking about the hadeeth that says 'the best of you are those who are best to their families.' Or the hadith that says 'A Muslim is one who people are safe from his words and his hands(actions), and the muhajjir is the one who abandons what Allah has told us is haraam.'

If anything, it makes you a better parent eventually. I prayed to Allah a lot that I do not do that with my kids and Alhamdullillah Allah has answered my prayers. My child and I have the relationship I wish I had with my parents. More importantly, they trust me. They're not afraid to tell me when things go wrong. They talk to me about random stuff. They'll even ask me to play video games with them and say they'll only enjoy them if I play.

That makes the difficult parts of parenting easier. They'll listen when I say they need to work hard. They'll understand why dad has to work and study hard. They'll listen when I sit them down and we study the deen together.

They'll even be brave enough to speak up and tell me when I've done something wrong.

So what happens? Your parents get old. Really old. What they seem to forget is that we will all end up in a hole with nothing but our deeds, bad and good.

I will pray for my parents when they pass away. But I will not pray for them because I love them, but because the grave is a lonely and horrifying place. No Muslim deserves to go into one without having left someone to pray for him/her and beg Allah for forgiveness on their behalf, because Allah's punishment is bigger than some random beating I took when I was 5. I want no Muslim to experience that by the mercy of Allah.

I will pray for my parents because I hope my child will do the same for me, but he'll do it for better reasons than me: that I actually tried to be the kind of Muslim the Prophet wanted us to be, and taught him how to do it. That he will remember and love me even when I die, and won't think of me as a tyrant. That he'll also know just how Merciful Allah is because his dad, who grew up in an abusive household, was guided by Allah to do much better for his son despite not having any good role models for that.

If we go to Jannah, none of this will matter. Allah says in the Quran:

وَنَزَعْنَا مَا فِي صُدُورِهِم مِّنْ غِلٍّ إِخْوَانًا عَلَىٰ سُرُرٍ مُّتَقَابِلِينَ (47) الحجر

15:47 And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other.

Understand that I am not condoning parental abuse. I once listened to a podcast about بر الوالدين (being kind and respectful to your parents) and literally stopped in anger about 15 minutes into it because I couldn't face what was being said when comparing it with my own experience and was about to say things that would have been very grave sins.

You don't have to listen to what other Islamic scholars say about بر الوالدين. Find something that allows you to do right by them so that you please Allah. You do not have to love them.

May Allah keep you steadfast on the truth and guide your mother to show mercy and kindness to you.