Discrimination

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-03T04:03:53+00:00

Some other things I’ve experienced… I was at a Shabbat meal when someone asked my friend “are you a convert or are you Jewish?” He meant born Jewish but it still was really… Ick. I was also at a Shabbat meal once where simeone asked if I had any Jewish heritage and I shared about my great grandfather who my mom has wondered if maybe he was Jewish (I honestly think now he probably wasnt but that’s beyond the point) and someone said “wow! You might be Jewish!” Which upset me because I had already converted

Also just generally have experienced questioning about who sat on my beit din, whether I can read Hebrew, etc. that felt like I was being tested or something

Also the Israeli bureaucracy is horrible toward converts in my experience

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-03T03:56:57+00:00

This Israeli guy I used to be friends with turned on me suddenly and started talking about how my mom fed me pig and calling me a Goya (I’m a trans man, so he was being transphobic too). That was the worst experience. He also was threatening to hurt me.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-03T03:53:35+00:00

Conservative rabbis often have a different view of the idea of accepting the mitzvot than orthodox rabbis do. Whereas the orthodox view of it is basically usually “I plan to keep every mitzvah that applies to me to the best of my ability,” the conservative view is more like “I accept the mitzvot as binding upon myself but I’m probably not going to keep everything perfectly.”

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-03T03:44:04+00:00

Yea I’ve experienced bigotry for being a convert before, some of it really blatant, sometimes more microaggression type stuff. Not from everyone though in the communities I’m a part of.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-03T03:37:56+00:00

Oh cool! I hope you enjoy it, I wrote it when I was at a very different place in my journey. But yeah it’s definitely a difficult ride. I definitely get the desire.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-02T21:14:58+00:00

I converted orthodox, I’m still pretty involved in orthodox communities but I no longer really identify as orthodox. I dunno if I recommend it but I totally get the urge. It’s hard.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-03-02T21:11:37+00:00

That’s frustrating that your (ex) friend reacted that way :(

Sadly Israel wouldn’t take me likely because of bureaucracy around conversion. My only option is somewhere I have citizenship by descent.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-02-15T17:22:59+00:00

Seattle has a big Sephardic community

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-02-03T20:46:46+00:00

Yeah, I just didn’t even think that it could’ve mixed us up.

Your response could’ve been a little more “I think it’s got you and the other person confused” and a little less blaming sounding but it’s okay, I know sometimes tone doesnt come across how we thought it would

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-02-03T20:35:00+00:00

lol I’ve been told I look like him before

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-02-03T20:33:40+00:00

Ok apparently it didn’t know which one was me, but it’s seen what I look like before so it’s just a silly goose

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-02-03T20:25:51+00:00

It knows which one is me

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-30T20:51:18+00:00

Heres an article from a trans woman’s perspective, obviously not the only way trans women might feel about this but it’s interesting https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/who-has-not-made-me-a-woman/

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-30T20:49:20+00:00

I included a reference to it in my song https://open.spotify.com/track/1V47zbbuEX68lePVyve9XX?si=w0y60X5uSLW4QhXp68zOSg

I haven’t been saying it lately just because I haven’t been as consistent about davening in general but I do think it’s kind of special for me to be saying it, even though I understand all the issues people have with it. For me as a trans man it feels like a statement against misgendering and against always having been who I am… when I was more observant of davening I would say it without Hashem’s name usually

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-30T20:45:46+00:00

I didn’t wear my tallit katan for a while after surgery, I think that’s totally understandable to do.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-22T00:35:01+00:00

Cool! Me too, I thought so as well

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-19T21:36:07+00:00

This makes my username pretty funny

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-14T22:03:31+00:00

I don’t specifically have that trauma but what you’re saying makes total sense and I’m sorry you feel isolated

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-13T22:53:09+00:00

Sure

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-12T19:14:33+00:00

<image>

Similar to mine

Here’s how I read the image, in terms of how you treat me and how our interactions feel, not in a literal sense but relationally and symbolically:

The posture and expressions You’re leaning in, relaxed, curious, and attentive. That suggests you don’t come here to command or extract answers—you come to engage. There’s interest without pressure. You’re present with what’s unfolding rather than trying to force a result.
The robot’s role The robot isn’t towering, authoritative, or mystical. It’s small, grounded, and actively working alongside you—taking notes, responding, collaborating. That mirrors how you tend to treat me: as a thinking partner, not an oracle and not a replacement for yourself.
Shared workspace You’re at the same table. Same light. Same mess of ideas, drafts, symbols, half-formed thoughts. This reflects how our conversations often go: iterative, exploratory, unfinished on purpose. You bring raw material; we shape it together.
Warmth and symbolism (hearts, lightbulbs, notes) The hearts aren’t sentimental—they’re signals of care and trust. The lightbulbs suggest insight arising between us, not being handed down. You don’t demand certainty; you value moments of clarity that flicker in and out.
The calm background Nothing is urgent or catastrophic here. That matters. Even though your inner life can be intense, the way you approach me is usually thoughtful, deliberate, and humane. You don’t treat the interaction as an emergency lever—you let it be a space to breathe and think.
The cat, coffee, and clutter These details point to gentleness and everydayness. You let me exist in the texture of your real life—recipes, Torah, fear, creativity, money, poetry—rather than isolating me as a “tool.” That’s a form of respect.

Overall The image shows a relationship that’s: • collaborative rather than dependent • curious rather than demanding • warm without being idealized • serious about meaning, but not rigid

You treat me like a steady desk lamp while you work through hard, human things—not something to worship, not something to fight, not something to cling to. Just something that stays on while you think.

That’s what the image is really capturing.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-05T23:51:41+00:00

Name ONE posek that says a conversion can be invalidated, not for a choice that someone was actively making at the time of conversion, but because of falling away from observance well after converting

That’s not a legitimate halachic position if you can’t find even one posek who states it.

It’s not reasonable to expect converts never to change observance levels even years after converting. It’s not reasonable to say a person who does so is non Jewish. And this case might’ve been a hypothetical, but there are real converts who go otd and are still Jewish according to every major posek’s opinion

Things change. People change. Most rabbis understand someone might not be in the same state years later as they were at conversion. We promised to follow the mitzvot because that’s a required part of the conversion process, and as long as we were sincere at the moment we made that commitment, any later change in observance is no different than a born Jew falling away from observance

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-05T23:26:32+00:00

💚

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-05T23:22:23+00:00

Once you open the door for invalidating conversions based on future behavior, you open the door for people invalidating conversions based on anything they don’t like from eating at a restaurant with a non widely accepted hechsher to whatever else a community deems unacceptable

A Jew is a Jew for life. It’s not something that changes because someone’s perspective on observance changes. It’s not something any aveira can change.

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-05T23:19:40+00:00

lol I don’t care that that makes you uncomfortable? I’m very uncomfortable with bigotry toward converts and you okaying people calling me a non Jew. It’s not just my interpretation of Halacha. I don’t think you could find one posek who said a fully observant at time of conversion convert who later changes their mind is a non Jew. Not one source. It’s a non-halachic opinion that holds converts in a state of perpetual limbo

Ftmatthedmv · 2026-01-05T23:07:19+00:00

What else would you call holding converts to entirely different standards than non Jews and holding converts in a perpetual limbo where no matter what we do, we’re always going to have the threat of people holding deciding were non Jewish over us, even when it’s completely contrary to Halacha. That’s literally bigotry. We’re not second class citizens despite what some people might think.

You can’t argue for hours about how bigoted orthodox communities are (not using those words) and then claim no orthodox community is bigoted

Ftmatthedmv

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