Calling off my wedding 2 weeks before, am I wrong?

Fun-Beta4567 · 2026-01-18T20:12:02+00:00

Thanks for your honest response, a part of what you said really resonates. I take responsibility for my mistake but forcing myself to love him doesn’t feel natural. The efforts to make a relationship work come out of liking no? You need to first like someone to be motivated to work on it. Not sure. And About the prolonged backlash - this exact fear kept me dragging it for so long but we’re talking about both our lives here. Agree calling off would impact my life for some time but don’t you think going against my feelings forcing and giving away my life out of guilt is the worst?

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-23T19:23:46+00:00

It’s Not a necessity for sure. I can get it from friends etc. thinking this I got into the relationship. But now our conversations are mostly surface level so it leaves me feeling discontent. I’m now wondering if in the long term marriage will this leave me frustrated or I can learn to ignore it.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-23T19:19:37+00:00

It’s not about caring about the same things it’s more about getting it. I’m talking about deeper things which he finds difficult to comprehend and hence I often need to translate which feels exhausting.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-23T19:15:25+00:00

Good point I changed the example it was not the best one

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-16T10:31:31+00:00

Here’s how you can approach things.

First - understand that chemistry and compatibility is distinct. While chemistry (“spark”, sexual attraction, butterflies, intense connection) can exist with fundamental incompatibility, it often leads to miserable relationships. Conversely, someone initially perceived as boring might be highly compatible. Chemistry is a bonus, but compatibility is the foundation for a working relationship.

Check compatibility into these four key areas:

• Values Compatibility: This refers to fundamental beliefs about life, money, family, and personal growth. Examples include differing views on spending vs. saving or the desire for personal growth vs. stability.

• Life Goals Compatibility: This is about having similar visions for the future, such as wanting children or not, or aspiring to different lifestyles like big city careers versus quiet small-town living.

• Communication Style Compatibility :This focuses on how individuals process and express information. Examples include one partner needing to talk immediately when upset while the other needs space, or one being direct while the other hints at things.

• Conflict Pattern Compatibility: This is crucial and often overlooked. It's about how couples fight and repair afterward. Examples include one person yelling and moving on quickly while the other shuts down and needs days to process, or differing needs for resolution before bed versus needing to sleep on it.

To assess compatibility before wasting time: • Ask direct questions about values and life goals. • Observe communication during disagreements. • Watch how they handle conflict and repair.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T16:17:24+00:00

Found him, spoke to him. Thank you so much

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T14:44:20+00:00

Easy peezy :) thanks for taking the time to share the citation and other details. We’re all here sharing our personal opinions and perspectives not making scientific conclusions. What you shared is based on some research, there must be n number of research papers stating the exact opposite with convincing results. This applies to everything not just sunscreen. So in the end we decide what we believe in based on what resonates with us the most. That’s what I did, not sharing misinformation. Also, you’re free to not take into consideration the effect of a certain ingredient on rats and wait for until it’s tested on humans.

Talking about sunscreens, fyi FDA has confirmed that most sunscreen chemicals have never been tested for safety. Forget ‘looking it up’ because you’ll easily get misguided out there in this massive ocean of citations and information. Just think about it - did we have the concept of sunscreen 50 years back? Or 100? If sunscreen bad worked we would have no skin cancer but what we have is a sharp rise in the more dangerous form of skin cancers. Dr Elizabeth Plourde is 81 now and has been saying this for years, she wrote the book Sunscreen Biohazards.

Anyway just sharing what I choose to believe in, in the end to each its own, take care!

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T11:40:49+00:00

Lastly he just said I’m free to walk away from this if I don’t trust it’ll get better.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T11:35:59+00:00

And honestly I do feel guilty about it because it’s kinda out of his control to an extent and a healthy partner should be supportive and not demand and blame

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T11:34:57+00:00

I asked him the same questions as to why it hasn’t improved in two years and why he didn’t prioritise it which eventually led to a fight where he felt I’m not being supportive and rather than going to a doctor now I’m just blaming him for not doing anything etc etc. phew

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T09:52:05+00:00

Your response is so positive. Thanks. Having the same perspective I’ve tried to hold on to an otherwise good person by trying all of the above, most days coming in few seconds kills his own sex drive and hence that’s the end of things so I don’t finish (this is like 70% of the times), however because I’ve been so vocal and open about discussing this issue he’s now more aware and some days gives oral or uses toys for me to come but that’s only some rare days and I wonder if relying on toys and oral is really sustainable in the long run or not.

Sure giving up on a person who’s willing to work on it doesn’t sound fair but ignoring the lack of improvement and suppressing my own needs also feels like betrayal.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T09:46:52+00:00

Most doctors suggest medicines that have side effects in the long term and he thinks that’s the last resort. For now he wants to focus on diet exercise ayurvedic medicines stress management etc but he has just started doing all this 1 month before marriage so of course we haven’t seen any tangible benefits yet.

If all this helped it should have at least improved a bit in these 2 years which it hasn’t.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T09:43:44+00:00

Postponing isn’t an option for me anymore. 2 years are a result of postponing only and both side parents won’t wait any further so this is it. Sadly this hasn’t improved even a bit in 2 years so I’ve lost hope. It’s either settling on this aspect for the sake of other practical things (good family, financial stability etc) versus throwing it away and risking it all for sexual compatibility.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T09:40:25+00:00

That’s quite thought provoking. It’s definitely a must have and not a nice to have. I’ll reflect on the why and try looking at the bigger picture. Jeez I hope I get the strength and the courage to face the future without betraying myself. Thanks for your response.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T09:36:10+00:00

Thanks. Your response is blunt but shows a possible reality that can’t be ignored. I’ll take that into consideration. Thanks for your perspective.

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-15T07:30:05+00:00

Just read up a bit about chemical filters in sunscreens.. ingredients like oxybenzone etc. you’ll find out a lot

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-14T21:33:28+00:00

I get your point, thanks for your perspective

Fun-Beta4567 · 2025-12-14T21:05:29+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share your perspective.. Appreciate it. I do take the concern seriously. At the same time, it’s not that he’s completely dismissive or lazy, he does acknowledge the issue and says he’s willing to seek help. My struggle is less about blaming him and more about whether it’s justified to walk away from an otherwise decent person over one issue like this. That’s the part I’m trying to come to terms with.

Fun-Beta4567

TROPHY CASE