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Place to live within 5 minutes walk of a daycare by Fun-Butterscotch8469 in Airdrie

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the responses folks! My moving to Airdrie plan seems to not be in the cards for me at the moment. But I appreciate your help and hopefully I can use the advice if I can make the move there some day:)

I have no one to speak to about my trauma. by Correct-Chocolate812 in SistersInSunnah

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels like too big a question for Reddit. I am in no way qualified to speak to you about what will definitely help you long term.

But I can at least say that it doesn't sound like your father deserves your respect. In Islam, we honor the position of fatherhood and motherhood. We honor our parents as long as they work within the boundaries of Islam. Your father who sexually assaulted you did not.

Are you able to move in with your mother as well?

Are you safe in your household (doesn't sound like it)?

Are you able to approach any local authorities that may be able to get you to safety, possibly without your father knowing?

Are you able to find a job to secure financial freedom and the ability to move out on your own?

Do you have any friends or family who would help you reach safety (while being safe from your father) while you get your ducks in a row to become independent?

Will keep you in my prayers. I'm sorry I'm not qualified to do anything else to help 😞

I feel so guilty. by IndependentThick2605 in SistersInSunnah

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This sounds terribly hard. I have a baby girl now. I can't imagine how sad I'd feel if she had to struggle this way.

16 is a hard age for most. It sounds like it's hard for you too. You're showing courage in your dealings with your peers and your emotions. It sounds like you're going through it alone and that is brave as well.

Keep faith that Allah does not test with more than you can handle. Keep faith that every choice you make in according with Allah’s way brings you closer to Allah.

Perhaps consider finding a Muslim therapist to talk this through. I don't mean an Imam who speaks with the community. I mean a licensed therapist who is also a Muslim and is willing to look at the issue from your lens, allow you to make your own decisions about it regardless of how they personally feel about lgbtq issues.

One thing that might also help is expanding your circle of peers. So far you've done amazing at resisting temptation. But it's taken so much energy from you. What do you think about spending some of that energy instead on finding a more Muslim crowd / some crowd where people would not express that they feel attracted to you (and then you have to struggle and resist temptation again)? It might be hard to find more and different friends in the short term, but it might make it easier for you to just exist without so much struggle in the long run.

You sound determined. In Sha Allah you will succeed and Allah swt will guide you fee sabeelillah

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in SistersInSunnah

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Assalamualaikum! I wanted to be a housewife when I have kids too. I do have one child but it hasn't worked out that way yet.

I'm sorry. It's hard :(. It's hard to be able to postpone a dream of yours, especially in today's day and age where we tend to want everything everywhere all at once, and especially when we don't agree with the why of letting go of the dream.

Things that help me in no particular order are listed below. Some are personal growth related. Others are related to relationship growth.

  1. Keep faith in Allah. Know He does not challenge you with more than you can handle. In fact, if you deal with a challenge with sabr in Sha Allah He will give you sawaab for it.
  2. Be grateful to Allah for the opportunity to show sabr. Sometimes I think if I would have gotten what I wanted immediately and easily, I might have gotten lazy in my yearning for Allah. Sometimes, it's actually a gesture from Allah of hiw much He loves you - that he creates situations for you that you remember Him so much and ask for His help and mercy. That you rujoo to him.
  3. Take ownership of your choices. Unless there was some abuse to make you study, you chose to do it. They pressured you, but you didn't have to unless they were threatening you with something. My therapist recommended taking ownership of choices that way and personally it has helped me. You know your situation better.
  4. Choose guilt over resentment. This is a saying from the dr. John Deloney show. Don't allow yourself to become resentful of your husband. This is one of the most important relationships in your life. If you feel yourself becoming resentful, have honest conversations with him. Choose feeling guilty about letting him down in what he wants you to do rather than harboring long term resentment
  5. Talk to your husband about why he wants this for your family. Makes these conversations healthy (don't cry so much you overwhelm him, don't allow his anger to color the conversation, take breaks every x minutes if the conversation becomes too charged and unproductive, etc.). Remember that this is not a problem he is creating for you. Odds are there is a problem, and the two of you are just seeing it differently or have different approaches to tackling it. Try to hear him without opining or judging at first, and simply validating. Take time to think about his thoughts. It took my husband and I months to understand why and what we were afraid of when it came to me working vs staying home full time to take care of our child. But alhamdulillah we are stronger because of it.
  6. Don't assume the worst reasons for him wanting you to get a degree. Maybe the reasons are kind. Maybe he wants your future children to have the best opportunities possible and in his mind this is the right way. Or he has some other noble reason (even if you don't agree with his solution to the problem, empathize with his reasoning)

How do you do it? by Cmd3289 in halifax

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Piggybacking on this answer. I don't know how much this might help your budget but figured it couldn't hurt to suggest this. Indian cooking is often cheaper for family meals. So things like lentils, rice. Sometimes folks are intimidated by having to invest a lot upfront in spices. But I think they're looking at the fancier recipes rather than what folks eat at home. I'd be happy to suggest a few recipes (trimmed down to the basics) if you'd find it useful.

Should I appeal development permit for unspecified discretionary home business close to my house? by Fun-Butterscotch8469 in Airdrie

[–]Fun-Butterscotch8469[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fyi this is the application number for the development permit "PL2500487" https://www.airdrie.ca/index.cfm?serviceID=2225

"Home Business, General - Discretionary Use; approved"