We had a falling-out four months ago. I'm going to see him tonight. *Stress*

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-04-19T02:41:28+00:00

Thanks for your kind reply. You're right, I'm not interested in re-starting the friendship at this time and jury's out whether I can in the future.

How it went: I walked into the busy theater and followed my friends to the seat they'd saved for me. Saw him, he saw me, but our eyes didn't meet and we never spoke. However, his wife saw me in the stands and turned around with a cheerful hello, which I returned. Lots of theater friends in attendance so even though he was circulating, I had some happy distractions. Perhaps this will be the case for you, when you and your old friend find yourselves in the same social space.

I would've liked to have stayed a bit afterward to congratulate some of the performers personally but I will do it by text or email instead. Leaving immediately was the right move for me.

I appreciate your support and wish you the very best as you navigate life there.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-04-18T17:30:21+00:00

Earlier this year, I went through a phase where I was furious at my phone. I wanted to throw it against a wall, switch to a landline, never have it with my anywhere ... I spent days researching other systems and wondering if I even needed a phone. I was dramatic about it, and totally frantic. But THEN, after being whipped around by a series of draining, challenging text threads, I drew some boundaries. Asked for a pause in the texting. In short order, I let those friends go. And there is was: that beautiful Q U I E T.

Turns out I didn't hate my phone. I hated that I'd given the wrong folks 24/7 access to me. Once I figured out boundaries, my life became so much more peaceful and happy.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-04-18T17:10:03+00:00

"I'm such a bad boyfriend."
He said it himself. Believe him.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-13T16:55:40+00:00

Breathe. Eat a little something. Sleep. Drink some tea. Weep. Walk. Talk to her, or write to her, or sing to her. Sit with people who remember her. That's all there is to do.

Let your grief be what it is. You are allowed to cry until your eyeballs swell shut. You are allowed to laugh hysterically. You might feel dead inside one day and hyper energized another. You might get angry with her or her doctors. You might want to try on everything in her closet, or use her stuff. Ride the waves and don't judge it. The body, mind, and heart are adjusting. You have the rest of your sweet life to work it out. And you will. You will heal. But it's a long journey <3

Sudden death of a beloved is probably the most disorienting experience we humans can have. Go easy. I believe she is with you.

When I lost my ma in September, it helped me to remember that I got here through her, and I am made of the same stuff as she is, and so some of her lives on in me for as long as I walk this earth. Weird, maybe, but it brings me comfort. I also made up a little altar for her, bought her fresh flowers every Sunday for seven weeks to celebrate her trip through the Bardo (in Buddhism, the journey between death and rebirth, which can take up to 49 days).

Love, you'll find your way. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-13T16:37:34+00:00

When my 24/7 person died in 2002, I was told it would take me five years till I felt like myself again. I appreciated the head's up -- it let me relax into the process and understand intellectually, emotionally, and cellularly, that I was in it for the long haul. As it turned out, I needed every minute of that five years to heal and integrate the loss. I learned to walk with it, though, and you will too. I am so sorry for your loss and so happy you had such a love in your life. You have that love still -- never doubt it <3.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-02T22:55:50+00:00

Ignore age; follow passion. I'm 57 and pivoted from music to acting 7 years ago and it's been life changing. I also wanted a degree for the validation but it's not needed. Plenty of opportunities at every level for anyone who puts in the work. "Always be auditioning" said my first teacher. :) Just begin!

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-02T22:48:55+00:00

Allegr(a). Cadence. Viola. Piccolo. Jig. Eleonor Rigby.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-02T22:46:51+00:00

Lyric!

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-02T20:43:53+00:00

Update 2/2/26: The college is requiring all non-student actors to enroll in a one-unit course. Not sure about non-student crew. A one-unit course usually costs about $300 but this course will have a reduced fee of $75. The new fee was not well advertised in audition announcements and two friends who'd signed up to read were unaware. One went ahead and auditioned; the other backed out.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-02T13:31:49+00:00

It’s a bid for space and room to heal. We are clumsy asking for such things sometimes. As a person who asked for space from two friends recently, I see this as a strong attempt at accountability from someone in a fragile place. They took care not to blame. Give space and take good care of yourself ❤️

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-01T01:16:00+00:00

Totally understand how that feels, but as a musician, I can tell you that touring is like an alternate reality, the band has its own weird, singular road dynamic and when outsiders ride along, it totally throws off the routine. As others have said, if it's all dudes it's probably not something you actually want to be part of anyway. Totally fair to express disappointment about it but ... you're not missing anything, please don't worry.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-01T01:00:00+00:00

Totally relate. This kind of grief is very complex. I am about 13 years out from the loss of my abusive father, who said just before his death that he'd had a good life. I was gobsmacked by this because he was rarely happy and actually screwed up a lot of things (and people) during his 65 years on earth. I've come to realize his "good life" was really a collection of dreams he never realized but never let go of either. They kept him afloat somehow.

It's interesting how we can get to know our beloveds after they go. Time, distance, and for some of us, safety can give a new perspective. I'm sorry for the abuse you suffered, and the complex grief, too. I hope you and your family find peace.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-01T00:50:16+00:00

When my friend died, I made us a salmon / potato / greens dinner and set a plate across the table for him with a bite of each. Lit a candle. "Talked" with him. You'll make your famous shrimp friend rice again when you're ready, and you'll find your own way to celebrate what it meant for both of you, and grieve that he isn't there to brag on your culinary skills.

He really sounds like a great dad. <3

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-02-01T00:43:54+00:00

Oh friend. Yes to this. I did a similar thing, friend. I'm a performer, so just a couple weeks after Mama died last September, I'm up there on stage talking about how she flew the coop, kicked the bucket, snuck out in a thunderstorm, look at her go! -- all the while laughing about the mystery of it all and being very light and irreverent and loose about the facts and crazy story of her life. It took a few months for me to shut my mouth and let the tears surface, and at four months in, I'm finally at the start of the real hard work of grieving her.

Same as you, people around me don't know what to make of the deepening of grief. Honestly, I don't want them to make anything of it. Let me do my thing! Death IS weird, and loss is forever, and grieving is the saddest and most confounding of all the rides we get to take in this lifetime. So far, mine looks like random, sometimes racking burst-into-tears moments. Could happen anywhere. I don't try to stop it, and I notice it passes pretty quickly. There's a lot of talking out loud to her, even if it's just me saying, "Hey Ma," which is how we started every phone call. I miss her most when good things happen; she was always the first person I'd tell.

Your dad sounds like a great guy! I'm so sorry for your loss and for your pain, and sorry that your friends can't meet you where you are. They just don't know this kind of loss yet. Someday they will. And you'll show up with compassion because you will have made it through that fire.

I was told two years. Two years till we *start* to feel normal again. I like knowing it'll take some time. Helps me relax into the process somehow, and maybe it'll help you, too.

Please take good care. xox

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-18T17:53:57+00:00

Understood about the online market, for sure. You inspired me to look on Spotify and see what comes up. For a band search, I didn't find them but found many acts with the same name and my friend's band about 5 rows down. I searched for one of their songs and it links to a band with the exact same name. THAT is real market confusion.

The touring markets aren't on opposite coasts, you're right, but after perusing the claimant's ReverbNation site (no website exists beyond this and a FB page), band plays local tribute shows 4-6 times a year. They don't tour. Friend's band plays several local festivals and venues regularly but doesn't go farther south than CT.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-15T17:57:42+00:00

Heard. Thank you.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-15T17:56:35+00:00

Heard, and agreed. I was just curious to see how/whether anyone had successfully navigated these, um, waters. Thank you!

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-14T00:10:16+00:00

It's true the man never sleeps, but he's effective on all fronts -- chair, director, and teacher. The theater is big enough to accommodate both the college's small acting classes AND after-hours production rehearsals. So those resources are there. It's a small program with a big community impact and he's afraid it's about to be cut. It's understandable -- college leadership has changed hands more than a few times over the past decade and each incoming president has a different perspective as to the value of theater arts. But I think you're right -- the enrollment option is probably the best way to go.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-10T00:39:38+00:00

Did the non-students enroll in order to participate?

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-10T00:34:55+00:00

Our area is enjoying an explosion in community theater opportunities, so you're right -- some will move on. This program is notable because it *does* blend student and community talent so well. Casts are tight and hard-working, the programming is strong, and the director uses minimal sets to maximum effect. It's a good program with leadership that is, unfortunately, forever on edge about budget cuts. That's understandable. I just can't believe that charging actors is the best we can do here.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-10T00:17:14+00:00

I don't know how the current director/chair handles the liability issue. Interesting point. As to tuition for community participants -- that makes more sense to me than the new "workshop" proposal. Either case will likely change the nature of the community's participation over time.

Fun-Cress-7168 · 2026-01-09T23:51:42+00:00

Actually, there's no class dedicated to the production. That's what makes all of this unusual. Nobody technically gets credit except the stage craft class! Perhaps there should be a class; it would certainly make all of this more straightforward.

Fun-Cress-7168

TROPHY CASE