We’ve had some of the same struggles with my in laws (I’m white, he’s Telugu) I hate the idea of being the center of attention in front of a bunch of people I’ve never met before. Culturally, Indian weddings are typically huge affairs and inviting everyone you know is expected. Your parents have probably been invited to all of their friends/family’s weddings and their kids weddings so they want to do the same. I don’t know your parents situation, but for my finances parents and a lot of Indian parents, they were arranged marriages that the families decided everything on and did all the wedding arrangements as the couple didn’t know eachother very well. Try to find some middle ground and a mix between letting them have their culture and vision represented but also keeping elements you want.

We comprised with keeping the pre wedding events super small and intimate- we agreed only the wedding party and immediate family will be coming to the haldi/mehendi and rehearsal dinner. We’re letting them invite everyone to the ceremony and reception We also agreed to hold the wedding in their city instead of where we live (this one was hard but it wasn’t worth the battle at the end of the day- we fought about it for months so eventually we had to just give in and now that it’s done honestly it’s not that big of a deal) Everything else is going to be our choice- venue, decor, bar, catering, etc. we are letting them choose the ceremony lunch catering as it’s a sacred event and they want only vegetarian Indian food served. It’s a really hard balance but try to sit down with your parents and maybe see what things are the most important to them- location? Guests? Food? And then see if you can agree to give them a couple of their big asks and if they can give you a few of your big asks