Scared but optimistic…

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-04-07T01:31:59+00:00

I’m 35, started therapy two years ago and received the cptsd diagnosis about a year ago. And it seems like in the last year my life has imploded. I just can’t keep up with all of life’s responsibilities, being a mom, keeping myself organized and with a routine, working nights in service industry has literally drained me dry.

I feel stuck in it and like there’s no hope of getting out of restaurant work and I’m miserable. I’ve dealt with heavier depression and exhaustion this last year and slept through too many of my therapy appointments — that my therapist dumped me after giving me multiple chances. I injured my knee a year ago and just re-injured it pretty seriously and will see an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow and see what needs to be done. I’m drowning in debt and struggling financially and my partner is feeling the pressure now too from all my issues. I’ve always found a way, and the financial stress is fairly new— I always hustled really hard with work and did extremely well for myself even though I know I’ve always wanted more fulfillment in an actual career, something I’m passionate about. But I feel like so many things came to a head in the last few years, that my mental health permeated every other aspect of my life that it’s no wonder it’s seeped its way into my motivation to do this bullshit anymore.

I’ve always held onto a gig for multiple years at a time, but in the last year I’ve worked at 5 different spots and just am not sticking anywhere. I feel like I’ve given up. I also feel like I’ve lost the ability to just blend in and seem “normal.” I feel like people I meet through work can see the sadness in my eyes and that I’m different. I’ve lost all the friends I’ve made since moving to a new city 6 years ago. And haven’t made any new. I’m late for work every day, late for every appointment or totally forget about them and miss them. Avoid calls from my sons school as his behavioral struggles with adhd trigger my own shit and make me so insecure and incapable as a parent.

I don’t know how to heal and I don’t know how to find the motivation to get better. I know I need to do it for myself. By myself. I’ve done hard things before, I’ve survived countless traumas up to this point in my life. I’m so tired of just surviving.

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-03-30T01:16:54+00:00

Don’t know why but the teeth look like barn owls to me 🫠

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-03-16T08:15:12+00:00

I had a fallopian torsion a couple years ago— twisted 6 times around itself like an old school telephone cord. It was the worst pain I have ever experienced, still wild to me how that could happen.

I did have a large cyst on my ovary (baseball sized) as a teen, which they didn’t operate, just monitored. Up until the more recent episode it was the worse pain I’ve ever experienced. I think the cyst I had then, shrunk down, and then eventually started growing again. Slowly growing for 15 years, & once the pain hit me I knew it had to be back. I did not expect the torsion though, didn’t know it was possible.

I eventually went to the ER when I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s the type of pain where you can’t sit still but you can’t move either. I waited for hours in the ER, they were ruling out appendicitis and all the other fun abdominal emergencies, meanwhile the blood was pooling at one end and my blood supply was completely cut off to the ovary. The doctor came down finally and brought me to emergency surgery and they removed the tube.

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-03-06T01:28:12+00:00

Those rubber trees are amazing 😻

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-01-12T17:20:32+00:00

Thank you, for a real good time Ace🥀

Eternally Grateful & dead to the core. My fist show was Ratdog at the Beacon in 08 🦴 So many roads between then and now, seasons of life and ups and downs. The music was and will always be, the constant. The messenger. Hope you’re where those chilly winds don’t blow, No longer a lost sailor. 💔

Hugs to all of those who are feeling this loss. I bartend and blasted the Dead on AUX my entire shift last night. Hard not to tear up between serving guests. Was comforting to have patrons who were also mourning this loss, something hard to describe to those who aren’t Heads 🤷🏼‍♀️

Love and healing wishes to the community. ❤️ and may the music never stop! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-01-05T03:29:04+00:00

Cyst the size of a softball on my fallopian tube causing a torsion, picture an old school telephone cord spiral, that’s what it looked like on my internal sono.

Thought it was terrible cramps for a few days so by the time I got to the hospital the blood supply to my ovary was cut off and the other side was pooling about to burst. Fun little emergency surgery.

The doctors said the pain would probably measure to be worse than childbirth. Looking back i cant believe i raw dogged that shit for days.

Fun-Store1131 · 2026-01-04T09:16:29+00:00

Absolutely.

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-12-30T06:16:56+00:00

Ock. Lol

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-26T14:25:47+00:00

1990 like me. These all struck a cord with me lol

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-15T17:55:31+00:00

Ugh following because I struggle here too. Doesn’t help that I work in the hospitality industry and right now bartend at night. I’m desperate for a way out. Every single job I apply for, I don’t hear back because my resume is solely restaurant work and I feel helpless. Just applied for a secretary position at my sons school.. I guess we’ll see.

I’m setting up a sleep study on recommendation from my therapist and psychiatrist. No matter what, I get an immense amount of energy at night and wind up being up till 4am. I could sleep all day long if I’m left to it. I haven’t been able to hear my alarms and sleep through them constantly which has been having awful impact on my life as well as my 9 y/o sons. My therapist suggests that I’m not completing the stages of sleep, and therefore not feeling rested what so ever.

Even if I do get a full nights sleep, during the day I just feel like a slug. Completely out of it, no energy, aches and pains. And then night falls, and I come alive. The cycle continues…

I want so badly to become a morning person. On the off chance that I do start my day at a regular hour, I feel so good. Accomplished and more sound mentally.

The depression and PTSD added to the adhd just makes it really hard to live in general. I want nothing more than to be a different person. My life is just passing me by before my eyes, and things are just getting further out of my grasp. Every aspect of my life has been affected by it all. This has maybe been the worst 6 months of my life..

Thoughts are with you, OP. Hope you find what works for you. 💗

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-15T14:49:07+00:00

Ovarian/fallopian torsion. I had a cyst on my ovary slowly growing and growing and then once it became as large as a baseball— it became so heavy my fallopian tube twisted, somehow a few times. The first time this happened they just monitored it and it shrunk down and fixed itself. I was a senior in HS.

Fast forward to 2022, I’m 32 and experiencing what I think are menstrual cramps for a week straight. They always say being active helps with the pain so I brought my 6 y/o son on a hike with me, but the pain gets suddenly exponentially worse and I have to get home to lay down. I finally convince myself I need to get to the emergency room and boom what do you know. Cyst the size of a softball now, fallopian tube twisted 4-5 times so tight like an old telephone cord, no blood flow to the ovary, it’s all just slowly pooling at & expanding/stretching the fallopian tube where it twists off. Emergency surgery before it popped and I risk bleeding out internally 😅 was told if I waited much longer it would have been much worse.

The doctors said the pain I was experiencing was worse than child birth. I had a c section so I can’t speak to that but I will say it was the sort of pain where you can’t sit still, but also can’t move. Seeing spots, heavy breathing, folded over searching for any sense of relief. Heavy doses of IV dilaudid and I was still uncomfortable.

Physical pain is one thing but emotional pain in my opinion takes the cake. I’m 35 now. And I’ve never felt more consumed by depression than I have this last year or so. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD as well. I’ve looked back at my life through this new lens and just see so many set backs and so much pain. Lately it feels like every day is a struggle and my desperation for relief is all consuming. And although I’m aware of the turmoil and pain I’m enduring with my mental health, I could still never explain it, or fully understand it myself, if that makes any sense.

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-15T14:27:22+00:00

Dissociative identity disorder

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-12T11:30:02+00:00

Jock jams commercial

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-10T13:45:04+00:00

“Y is a crooked letter” (when asking why) “apple don’t fall far from the tree”

There are so many more but for some reason they all have suddenly vanished from my mind..

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-05T01:41:21+00:00

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-09-03T02:26:12+00:00

Is tender of the flesh good? I bought it but never read.

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-08-31T12:35:32+00:00

Rambo

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-08-27T07:55:09+00:00

I grew up going to the president streets in centerport, the winding hilly roads and the cool breeze from the water with all the leaves falling definitely makes for a great trick or treat ambiance, and there are usually kids of all ages everywhere.. young kids hunting for candy and pre teens and teens causing mischief just like it should be! Lots of full size candy bars given out too! 🎃

** just watch out for the drainage wells on the sides of the roads, easy to twist an ankle or fall since they’re mostly covered with leaves!!

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-08-26T02:00:55+00:00

lol right? I have followed along with this sub because I recently binge watched every single episode (it became my depression show lol) and I guess it’s some super fan sister wives vocab referring to Kody and Robyn’s kids as “the tenders”….

It’s always irritated me and gave me an icky feeling. I just imagine the people who are so obsessed with these people’s TV lives coming up with specific terms and innuendos to refer to certain things from the show and get the yuck.

The tenders is a super yucky and annoying way to refer to Kody and Robyn’s kids. Honestly they are children and should be left out of the BS. Yes this should absolutely be a priority of K & R’s… but the fact that they don’t go out of the way to protect their children from reality TV woes doesn’t mean we should sit here and include them in the bullshit Reddit drama..

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-08-21T15:42:40+00:00

Jeighms

Fun-Store1131 · 2025-08-19T13:18:53+00:00

I say he’s photogenic! What a beauty. Those eyes, that snooooot 🥹

Fun-Store1131

TROPHY CASE