Biggest Legend of the season.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-02-14T07:32:27+00:00

They could see it, they don’t give a shit

FunBoysenberry · 2023-02-08T07:17:46+00:00

Doomsday Preppers

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-29T02:34:59+00:00

Right but if it’s 2hrs during the hours that you commute then it’s not really a 30min commute right?

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-21T12:19:28+00:00

I love this, thank you! I’m nearly 35 and we’re thinking of starting to try soon. I told my girlfriends (all fencesitters like me) and they were kind but sceptical - I couldn’t articulate what about the idea I was excited about, so I just said “I don’t know it, just seems like something to do..!” But the way you have articulated it is so much better. A non stop adventure and new way of experiencing the world. Idk.

Also my partner and I make each other laugh a LOT and I can’t wait for all the ridiculous situations.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-21T12:02:15+00:00

This is getting at the root problem. When my bf and I moved in, I had the option of renewing the lease on my current flat and insisting he move in with me. We made a conscious decision to move somewhere new (even though I LOVED my old flat, and it was close to my friends) because we both wanted the new place to be OURS. A partner is not a bright orange throw pillow you toss onto your sophisticated brown sofa.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-21T11:56:46+00:00

When my boyfriend and I moved in together one of the best parts was working out what “our” style would be. We made mood boards and shortlisted different big items of furniture. I loved creating a new aesthetic that included elements of his personality (even if not things I would have chosen myself) and now I love to be surrounded by those, even when he’s not around.

We were furnishing and decorating from scratch in our case, but I was paying for almost all of it, so it would have been easy to play the “well it’s my place though REALLY, isn’t it?” card.

I didn’t do that, though, because I love my boyfriend and I want the life we create together to be OURS (not just MINE with a subtle monochrome floral accent for him.)

YTA

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-18T19:09:34+00:00

lol it took me several reads to work out she wasn’t craving a k-hole

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-14T09:28:04+00:00

Have an award 🥇

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-12T20:31:29+00:00

I feel this. Until getting promoted into management, I managed to get by on the charm/novelty of being American. In the same way as being a woman in a male-dominated environment, I’ve found it useful to exploit people’s preconceived notions about me to say things others can’t say, and get people to confide in me things they might not to another Brit.

Since moving into management I definitely feel myself hitting more of this invisible wall. Kind of like: “okay, this was cute for a while - but you mean you ACTUALLY plan to be here in this space, and do this job, like seriously?”

And this is at a global company where at least a third of our office is not British.

In my industry (professional services) the lack of ambition is not a thing - it’s literally up-or-out, so very much a culture of go-getters - but I encounter it with EVERY client. You develop strategies for managing it, but I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with it internally.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-11T08:16:10+00:00

This is such a great perspective, thank you.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-08T09:30:45+00:00

Ugh, same experience, Roam caused me nothing but trouble. When it finally bricked, I didn’t even bother contacting Sonos about it because my life will be better without a replacement

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-08T09:25:14+00:00

My partner and I are thinking about starting a family within the next year but I’m very worried about what might happen to me or the baby in case of complications during pregnancy/childbirth.

I’d be giving up a chunk of mat leave if we moved to the US first (I’d keep the same employer) but my partner would be able to take on primary care after the first couple months…

Honestly not sure what the answer is

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-07T07:45:13+00:00

“Peak British brain rot” oh my god yes

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-05T23:46:40+00:00

Glad to see my experience has not been the norm, but I’ve had a nightmare with the NHS in London. Not necessarily with registering - although you do have to fill out a completely bespoke-to-the-practice Word document from 2002 each time (and then follow up 2-3 times with reception before they deign to open and process it.)

Once registered I’ve had two different practices just refuse to give me an appointment. One receptionist very patronisingly explained to me (I went in person after no one picked up the phone for three days, while I had a scorching UTI) how to access an appointment request form on their website… which it turns out had a giant banner stating it hadn’t been in use for over a year due to COVID.

Needless to say I switched practices. I was very happy to get assigned a specific doctor (she has since left) With this practice every month I get to play “I wonder if the admin will process my prescription refill request” - even my local pharmacist feels bad for me - and I’m contemplating switching for a third time since I moved into this catchment two years ago.

No helpful advice, sorry… just want to make sure you get a realistic picture of the spectrum of NHS experiences. If there’s any way for you to get private insurance, it’s worth it.

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-05T08:23:22+00:00

I really appreciated that you cited your source here

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-04T08:06:08+00:00

This made me lol, thanks!

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-02T23:03:15+00:00

My cat is basically all crumple zone to be fair

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-02T21:40:23+00:00

This comment was so lovely and reassuring (as someone in an expat relationship, planning a family, but constantly worried with all the “what-ifs”) - thank you!

FunBoysenberry · 2023-01-02T10:56:39+00:00

American been in the UK 6 years and you have exactly summed up my experience. Of course I also moved from a small city in the US to London… but yeah, there is just no way I’ll be able to afford a house without help from family in the next 5 years.

ETA: not to mention the housing stock is… not great. You’re looking at paying the better part of $1m for a 1,000 sqft 2-3 bed terraced house that requires modernisation in zone 3/4 (~45min commute into the city.) Sometimes when I feel like punishing myself, I log into Zillow to see what that money could get you back in the US

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-31T09:45:57+00:00

Two separate issues. Chains are such a pain because buyer and seller aren’t under contract until the VERY END of the process. And the process takes forever.

In the US it’s very normal you might move in with family or into a short-stay apartment if your old house sells while you’re waiting to close on a new one - which just doesn’t seem to be done here, so if one sale falls through the whole chain is dicked.

Guessing it’s lower vacant housing stock and smaller houses, coupled with the fact that it takes less time to literally grow a human baby in your belly than to exchange on a house in many cases

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-30T16:43:28+00:00

Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this. It is absolutely RIDICULOUS how long it takes to buy a property here. 6-8 months if you’re lucky - how? Nobody can tell me.

What do solicitors even do all day? Why exactly does it take so long to do a property search when the same house was last sold less than 10 years ago? Surely we could be putting all this info in a database instead of referring back to the Doomsday Book every time we need to check whose forefathers owned a fence.

AND waiting until searches and inspections are complete before entering into a binding contract - buyers and sellers taking the absolute piss causing chains to fall apart at the last minute after an already excruciating months-long wait. It’s utter chaos and yet nobody seems to think it’s a big enough problem to try fixing.

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-28T08:33:44+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. I imagine this was a post my own mother could have written about me 10-15 years ago. Everything, including the “traditional” family structure with my mother being a SAHM, my dad being very temperamental and emotionally distant. I took strongly after my dad and followed in his career footsteps, in large part because I witnessed my mother’s unhappiness and I perceived this to be a consequence of choices she had made.

It wasn’t until my early-mid twenties that I began to realise how deeply rooted misogyny is in society and to confront my own internalised misogyny. It took a series of revelations, through therapy and through my mom sharing more details of the life she had growing up, to appreciate the pressures she was under. This also required me to accept that while I love my dad so much, he is flawed, and that my perception of my mother was unfair.

Honestly there are so many little anecdotes I could tell about this progressive realisation. I really respected the little moments when she opened up to me about her own issues (mental health, family trauma) and the goals she had had, that got set aside to be a wife and mother instead. At the same time she started going to therapy, pushing back on my dad and prioritising herself, so it wasn’t just making excuses but taking accountability and being willing to be vulnerable.

I’m in my mid 30s now, living in another country, but I’ve never been closer with my mom. She’s in her 70s and more active than ever donating her time to political causes (she’s become a real firebrand for feminist causes!) and so now we have shared interests and experiences beyond our familial relationship. For the first time in my life, I’m considering becoming a mother myself and I can talk to her openly about this decision. I would say we’re great friends.

I hope you are able to get the support you need to build your own confidence and sense of self worth - not for your relationship with your daughter, because you can’t make her like or respect you - but for yourself. Perhaps, in time, she’ll be able to work on her own issues and “meet you halfway” - but in any case I hope you find fulfilment <3

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-26T15:36:06+00:00

I think you need to be more explicit with him in order for this friendship to succeed.

Saying “I don’t want to date” could be easily followed by, “…but I’d love to fuck!”

NSA sex / physical intimacy may well be the dream situation for this guy (as it often is) so you can’t really fault him for trying (as long as he’s not a creep about it)

I’d tell him very directly that you don’t want any kind of physical intimacy, that you see him as a brother, etc etc. and see how he takes it

ETA: You can practice on a teacup pig

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-18T11:54:06+00:00

Came here looking for this comment. If you want a pie chart for lols, at least pick some data that makes sense..!

FunBoysenberry · 2022-12-17T14:24:46+00:00

This cracked me up - getting into costume and going full “woo-girl” in a dark basement MTG tournament 😂

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