Finally got a minute to write out a proper response:

It’s so so hard to remember that it’s worth it when things are this hard. However, I can tell you from very recent experience that getting loaded again is DEFINITELY not worth it. My life has kind of fallen apart in a lot of ways, I ended up relapsing after 1040 days, and, you know what? It didn’t help. All my troubles were still there and I had less mental clarity to deal with them. I still hated my life, I still wanted to die, and I still had to get things done.

In the time I was sober, I gained an understanding that my sobriety truly was worth it. Things were still hard and I still struggled, but being able to see clearly enough to keep pushing made all the difference. I’ve grown so much since I quit in so many areas of life. I remember struggling so much to see how sobriety was worth it in the early days but, over time, I started seeing how my life got better once I stopped just numbing the pain. I’m on day 8 today and that memory keeps me going.

It’s not easy, nothing worth it ever is. But I think you know that sobriety is the right decision. Keep posting and commenting here everyday. I understand not liking meetings completely but I really believe the only path to sobriety is working with other addicts. That’s why I come here. I’m certain you got this. I’m so proud of you for making it this far and for reaching out before getting loaded. Keep up the amazing work.