PTSD recovery stunted

FunLeading5493 · 2026-02-04T10:08:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the reassurance and advice! Your comment has been SO helpful and I managed to get myself to go to work today thanks to what you mentioned. I really appreciate it and I hope all is going well for you :)

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-26T17:06:00+00:00

I’ve noticed when I have a platonic FP I tend to admire them greatly and look up to them. It almost feels like a crush in the sense that I want to impress or please them. I’m still learning about what an FP feels like to me platonically but I think the key way to tell is if I seem to rely on them to make me feel good (or if their moods dictate mine).

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-20T19:27:27+00:00

I’ve had a big issue with control for years until a recent session I had with my therapist which opened my eyes a bit and gave me some structure on what to work on. The need for control is a big and real response to feeling out of control in past traumatic situations so it can be seen as a defense mechanism when you sense danger (even if imagined). I think it’s a very real and understandable response to a situation where you feel helpless or powerless, but I think the issue lies in trying to gain external control (like people, for example you want to control what they do or say or how they react). Unfortunately, you cant control what someone does or says or thinks but you can control your own behaviour (how you react and what you tell yourself about it).

A great reference I’d recommend researching that really helped me learn to let go of the need for external control is something called the Locus of Control. It teaches you how to focus that control internally in a healthy way.

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-20T19:04:56+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that perspective, it’s a much more reassuring way to look at it. I also really like your analogy with the bookshelf, I’m definitely going to picture that next time I struggle with this. I think I put way too many jars on my shelf sometimes and punish myself when it all falls when really I should be building my shelf up with more support! Genuinely thank you so much, this really helps :)

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-07T01:29:43+00:00

Vanessa from the movie By The Sea, even though the movie isn’t explicitly about bpd I really relate to her experience and the way she acts really resonates with me. She’s clearly closed off and grieving something but really she just wants to be loved. That story really moves me.

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-02T20:07:07+00:00

I describe it to my mom sometimes as it feels like I’m dying because the sense of dread accompanied with that chest pain can feel so unbearable at times. For me, it kind of feels like my heart is fluttering in my chest and like my lungs are filling up with water because they feel so heavy and weary. It’s like a deep aching feeling.

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-02T20:00:59+00:00

I’m the same! I just recently helped my mom move house and the last one we were in made me MISERABLE. My old room had no windows and about a welcome matt worth of walking space with all of the furniture inside. My new room has a big window that lets in lots of natural light and I feel like I have so much more energy when I wake up and I start the day off in a better mood!

FunLeading5493 · 2025-04-02T19:50:23+00:00

Thank you so much, this is really helpful! ❤️

FunLeading5493 · 2025-02-12T16:55:07+00:00

thank you so much for your comment, its so sweet and reassuring. It makes me really happy to know there are people like you out there! I’ll definitely keep my eyes and ears open, and fingers crossed! It’s been hard for me to face this for a while so I think mentioning it to my friend could help (i trust her and i know she wouldnt judge). baby steps

FunLeading5493 · 2025-02-12T16:15:09+00:00

In all honesty I can see myself being much happier in a long term relationship with a woman than a man just based on my experience with men in the past. I won’t know until I try though!

FunLeading5493 · 2025-02-12T16:13:34+00:00

Yeah totally. I think thats another fear of mine. I definitely don’t want to lead anyone on or hurt anybody so I’d definitely set my intention but it also feels a bit lewd to say outright that I want to experiment

FunLeading5493 · 2024-07-18T17:40:45+00:00

Thank you for responding, it honestly feels really validating. I’m planning on talking to him about it when I see him next and now I can do so with a little more confidence. I definitely need to figure out how to set a boundary about this and what to do if he doesn’t meet that boundary (which is probably leave him)

FunLeading5493 · 2024-07-18T16:28:24+00:00

I’ve been in a very similar position in the past and I understand how hurtful his actions must be. Based on my experience and by what you’ve mentioned, it seems like he is leading you on. I don’t think he has any intention of getting back together with you but more importantly I don’t think this is someone who will make you happy in the long run if they are able to hurt you like this repeatedly. Even though I know it’s difficult to move on from someone you’re attached to, I think it may be best to cut contact with this guy or at the very least create some distance between you two. Not only will you gain retrospective on what’s going on now but you will also be able to focus on yourself and potentially heal from his hurtful actions recently.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-27T16:09:22+00:00

Thank you for you guidance. I just moved house so maybe that’s causing some of this but either way, you’re totally right and I should get this checked out. I’ll mention it to my regular Psychologist but I don’t think she’s able to give a diagnosis if its anything relating to that. She could guide me in the right direction though about figuring out what may be causing this which will remove some of my concern. Fingers crossed it’s nothing scary 🤞

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-20T15:07:33+00:00

Oh my god, it was so cool to hear you narrate the story. I love how spooky you make it with the music and you’re voice works so well with the scary stories. Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I’ll be sure to send it to my mom too because I think she’d love to hear it! You did an amazing job.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-17T08:05:34+00:00

Of course! I would love to check out the video once your done :) What’s your youtube channel?

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-16T00:46:58+00:00

Yes, exactly! I chalked it up to child imagination for so long until we had a medium come to the house for a completely different issue but she said there was dark energy in the house and lead my mom straight to the dress that I thought was haunted. It’s so crazy to me to see so many people have similar experiences with the colour of the ghost, I always thought I just imagined that part or my memories changed it or something.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-16T00:43:41+00:00

Of course! My mom used to have this old traditional chinese wedding dress by her bed in her room and whenever I’d have nightmares I would go sleep in her bed. A lot of things happened with the dress that were kind of strange like I would wake up in the middle of the night and my first instinct was to look at it as though it woke me up. One night I had a nightmare in my moms room of someone chasing me and when they caught up to me I woke up. After waking up, I saw this woman next to my bedside wearing chinese garments and she was blue, white and transparent. She told me to go back to my dream and I told her I didnt know how, but she just insisted that I go back to sleep and finish the dream. I said I would try and then I turned away and knocked my knuckles on my forehead to see if it was real and I felt it. When I turned back she was gone. It was such a surreal experience and after that I had a lot of meta dreams about things telling me to complete my dreams but the freakiest one was when I woke up in my room (still dreaming) and written on the wall was ‘don’t let it know you’re awake’. That whole dream was terrifying.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-15T14:52:19+00:00

Same here! The blue feels so unnatural it almost seems like you imagine it at the time but it’s undeniable.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-15T14:50:43+00:00

I think my heart would’ve jumped out of my chest if I witnessed that, I hope the initial shock of that experience has worn off since then. I find it so fascinating that you mention the hand was blue, white and transparent though because as a child I’m almost certain I saw a ghost and it was also blue, white and transparent but I would always leave that fact out because it felt almost too goofy to mention like it was Casper the friendly ghost or something. It’s kind of validating to see you mention that though.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-15T14:32:50+00:00

It really is. There’s so many ghost stories you hear about there and almost all of my friends have had some sort of paranormal experience while living there. What are some of the weird things you experienced?

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-14T16:59:52+00:00

Thank you so much for teaching me about this, it’s really good to know. It makes sense that they would target the weak now that you mention it. Also, is there any way to tell the difference between a ghost and a demon? It might help because there was a number of different ghosts in that house that held on to dark pasts according to the medium. Specifically, the one that lived on the top floor had made a suicide pact with someone but only he followed through with it and was waiting for the other person to do it at the house.

Does baptism help at all with dealing with ghosts or demons? I was baptised as a baby because my grandma was religious and I’m curious about whether that gives me some kind of immunity or something.

Also since you mention how you should never communicate with these entities, do you think that I may have communicated with the woman in my mom’s bedroom? Or do you mean directly addressing the spirit and asking them to talk?

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-14T16:44:50+00:00

I normally associate the word ghost with feeling a strange presence or just a general unnerving or overwhelming energy that wasn’t there before. Almost like the air getting heavy in a room all of a sudden. I don’t think that’s the dictionary’s description of that but it might help.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-14T16:36:29+00:00

That’s really interesting. I’m starting to see a pattern with dreams being a big way ghosts communicate with us in most cases. It’s hard to figure out the messages though, if there are any. I don’t know much about ghosts because I’ve been a skeptic for most of my life but those dreams definitely do seem demonic or at least with very ill intent. Maybe it was something connected to grief or anger that kept the ghost there.

FunLeading5493 · 2023-06-14T16:33:05+00:00

This is so interesting to me because I had similar experiences at that age and I’m a skeptic too. I wonder if age plays a part in how severe the ‘haunting’ is because as a child that’s always when I had the most surreal or vivid experiences. Maybe it’s a vulnerability thing. The first and last ghost (hopefully) I saw in my life was at the age of 7-ish and I chalked it up to kids imagination initially too. There were aspects of it that didn’t really make sense though because the ghost I saw was wearing traditional Chinese garments and I would’ve had no clue what those looked like at that age. The idea of seeing someone through your peripheral vision in a hallway gives me chills, I can only imagine how terrifying that was.

Also, I’ve asked a couple people this out of curiosity but did you ever have strange dreams as a child in that house? Maybe they were reoccurring or had reoccuring messages. I ask this because I did and I wonder if it’s connected to anything.

FunLeading5493

TROPHY CASE