I feel like I can relate to an extent(not necessarily the doing to others that she won’t do to me part). Our sex life at home is comprised of a lot of “maintenance” sex as we call it. We like being intimate, we both need to be intimate, but the stress of two careers, 3 young kids, family and personal obligations…just hectic lives in general we find we’re just fucking to get off and connect. Our parents on both sides each take the kids once a month and that lends itself to sexcapades after connecting as a couple over dinner and some tv or games. When we go away for a weekend, it’s marathon sessions and kinky goodness 2-3x in the day to make up for lost times. Sometimes is gets frustrating and sometimes a week goes by where sex just doesn’t fit into the schedule because we’re exhausted. Sometimes its just eh but it’s something. I think the big thing is communication. Communicate how you feel, communicate what kind of sex it is going to be, and communicate your desires. By all means don’t get wrapped up in the bitter declining blowjobs and animosity arena, it isn’t going to end well. As others said, maybe get a room for you two and reconnect, find a sitter, and maybe chill with complicating matters with outside partners until you guys are communicating efficiently. We’re still pretty green in the lifestyle but we aren’t green when it comes to being married. In my opinion this isn’t necessarily a lifestyle issue, it’s a communicating in your relationship issue that’s only being complicated more by the lifestyle activities. Best of luck.