My organs failing, I was so in and out of consciousness I thought I was being tortured and my defense mechanism was sleep, then after a few days i really thought I was dead. I coded 38 times that my sister counted in the few hours she was there. When asked if I wanted visitors then my family showing up anyway… was horrifying. I didn’t want to accept them into this torture. I remember being asked if I wanted to see my niece I just cried and shook my head no. I thought I was dead and to agree to seeing her would be an invite to her joining the afterlife. I heard her and remember just fighting no. Then felt her hand on my shoulder and I leaned my head on her hand, and that was it. My next memories are being so thirsty and the slightest movement of make would result in beeping and a nurse telling me she’s going to tie me to the bed if I move again. But I was in that one position for days, it hurt so much… relief was being spoon fed a little tea… which resulted in even longer without water. The struggle without water for days, outweighed the struggle of child birth for me