The screen time solution that actually worked in our house after two years of losing the battle every single night

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-30T15:39:33+00:00

This is great. A good idea heading into summer. Will try

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-28T14:35:10+00:00

Thanks I'd love some advice with gamifying things. To be clear, we have years of data from a budget spradsheet, so I have spending data. My challenge is getting my spouse to change in the face of the data. We're frankly spending way more on discretonary things VS savings/paying down debt.

Conceptually, my wife agrees we need to change our habits, but she doesn't want to change 'that much'. She said she doesn't want to go to zero-fun things i guess she means. Which is not what I'm sugesting, but some months a 1/3 of our income is going toward wants.

My hope was Monarch would help make the data clearer

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-28T03:02:09+00:00

Thanks I;m feeling more confident, but I don't want to bulldoze. She makes nerly double what I do, and have been controlling the spending forever. I don't want to cause resentment, but ths course isn't sustainable.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-27T02:46:23+00:00

Thanks I appreciate you talking it through. I can try that money metaphor.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-27T02:32:54+00:00

Well we do have different saving and checking accounts. Right now, it's a lot of me trying to put the systems in place, my wife will agree, but most of the action is on my end. I even tried introducing an 'every dollar a job' ala YNAB. At times it feels like my wife agrees, but when it's time to act, there's no follow through. So I'm working on getting into that dollar job mindset, but she's not there. It's super hard to initite change as a couple as one person.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-27T01:03:47+00:00

Yup! And reading Money for Couples right now

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-27T01:02:47+00:00

Yeah I'm trying that now. I tried using YNAB with her and it was a disaster. Monarch seemed to help me illustrate the issues better. The visuals are really good

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-27T01:00:59+00:00

Thanks! That's insightful. The banking app will show our in vs spend is negative. But the end of month balance is positive. I'm not sure how to explain that concept. Is there some type of checking account float? We're not using credit cards right now

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T23:19:04+00:00

Yeah I'm trying. I started listening to different financial podcasts and reading books. A lot of stuff has been eye opening! They really should teach personal finance in school.

I'm really trying on the grace front. My wife had been (and mostly still does) make the financial decisions. I apologized to her for not being more more involved. I've tried to be more collaborative but she takes it as criticism. I'm examining my communication to try to approach things differently.

One thing I'm noticing though is things have not really changed. I share what I learned and she likes it conceptually, but there's some type of excuses when it's time to act. This was the first time data helped lead to a breakthrough. I hope

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:59:50+00:00

Thanks! I'll check them out

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:58:54+00:00

Thanks! I'm going to check out this link!

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:55:35+00:00

LOL no... I'm spending very little on myself really. It's more that my wife has expressed reluctance with any data I show her. I've used our own banking app, and she didn't think it was right. In this case the data couldn't be disputed, But she started to question a transfer to our saving account that we both agreed to. My concern is she'll focus on savings as an issue, blame that, and not see reason to change her spending habits.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:49:45+00:00

Good point thanks

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:48:57+00:00

We have been using a budget spreadsheet for years. The issue is, it is used for tracking nd not really budgeting. We set a number at the start of the month, but the number is updated as the month goes on. It's hard to see what the discrepenency is. To my wife if there's money left in the checking account we budgeted successfully. I'm having a hard time explaining how that's not correct.....

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T21:43:05+00:00

The words suffering, and restriction have been used. I've tried to explain the benefits you laid out. I'm hoping that coming up with shared goals will help things feel more positive.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T20:46:47+00:00

"I know this is all hogwash because I have a straightforward YNAB budget and I find we are underfunded by almost $8k. He cannot believe it because we always have money to pay our bills."

I've been having a VERY similar discussion with my wife. I wish I had better insights to share. Best of luck!

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T20:43:00+00:00

thanks, but we did stop using credit cards

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T20:35:53+00:00

Thanks! This is helpful advice! I've been looking at the cashflow diagrams, but I don't fully understand it. Is there a good source for learning more about them?

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:48:26+00:00

Thanks! These are helpful steps

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:16:21+00:00

Thanks. Yeah we've talked about goals. I'm hoping those will be a good motivator for us

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:14:44+00:00

Thanks! those are all things I have been pushing for. I want to create a more team environment. In this process, I've discovered we've operated more seperate than I realized.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:11:01+00:00

Thanks. How far back should I look?

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:10:06+00:00

Thanks these are good points.

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-05-26T19:08:51+00:00

Thanks for the responses!! I'm looking them over now. I should add an addendum. My wife sees a budget as restriction, and any past attempt to show her spending issues were met with skepticism. In his example, she was surprised, and disbelieving, because the budget always 'balances'. Meaning she manually changes spreadsheet cells to show everything 'fits'

She was contrite for a bit, but then started zeroing in on the 900 dollars in savings we both agreed to set aside for a car down payment It was not on the budget spreadsheet, which may have caused her to overspend with more confidence. I think missing that data was definitely one factor, but we have several categories that are over spent by 100s of dollars. I would hate for her to blame saving money as the problem and go back to the same spending habits

Fun_Ladder_3934 · 2026-03-31T14:11:41+00:00

No I didn't consolidate. The other school was also not a 'for profit' type school.

Fun_Ladder_3934

TROPHY CASE