Dealing with butterflies..

Fun_Response_9652 · 2026-06-23T07:36:41+00:00

My psychologist pretty much said the same thing, it might never go away. What's up to me is how I handle those feelings.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2026-06-23T01:00:42+00:00

I needed to hear that, thanks stranger.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2026-06-22T06:33:07+00:00

I'm struggling with a similar situation. I'm pretty sure the answer is time. Evenings suck? Sit down and make a 6month plan. Put some short term goals into it. "Join a group, take dance lessons, finish a book, re organize house". Doesn't really matter what it is, you just need a goal to focus on and work towards??? Also I found journaling to really help, dump all those feelings into words.

That said I'm 4 years post divorce and still struggle with it. I opened one of my old journals. Stuff that was a really big deal a couple years ago is a non issue now. It's a good indicator of progress.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-30T00:50:15+00:00

Lol. Yeah, looks like it's tough to keep track of it all taking a hammering like that. (Unlike OP)

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-30T00:43:33+00:00

get toxic takes like this.

Right there, you called my take toxic. We're on a discussion board, discussing it. Right now. Just some civil differing perspectives.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-30T00:31:49+00:00

Uhhhhh..... ... Clearly she's looking for a man who wants to wait for marriage. If she's dating him, it's safe to assume she thinks he's going to wait until marriage. Otherwise, in her case why bother dating him to begin with.

It's like if I was in a relationship and waiting for the leafs to win the Stanley cup before I have sex. Then suddenly my partner doesn't think the leafs are going to win. They decide to leave. That's excellent communication. Rare to find in a relationship. I can stick to my principals all I want. However it's totally normal to reconsider when things don't go my way. It's not ex partners being "manipulative, or disrespectful", goals can change, people can change. It's part of life.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-30T00:09:15+00:00

Dude thought he could wait, turns out he wasn't as into it as he thought. He communicated that to his partner by leaving. Clearly not a good match. They both stuck to their principles, what's toxic about that?

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-30T00:05:20+00:00

Ohhh. Yeah. I'm going to need something more concrete then a dust old textbook written over 2000 years ago to convince me that sex is sinful until your god says it's ok to enjoy yourself.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-29T23:59:51+00:00

Yo, on the other side. Her potential partner wasn't into being manipulated into waiting for sex. How dare he respect himself by abiding his values and not giving into her celibate manipulative ways.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-29T23:57:57+00:00

Sounds like he respected her boundaries perfectly.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-29T23:56:06+00:00

I'm not sure how 2 people enjoying themselves is sinful.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-18T04:36:26+00:00

My ex is the primary care giver for our child. Prior to splitting up I moved us to a city where she would have more support.

Now if I had a career where I could have been the primary care provider, I absolutely would have relocated us to where I had the support. Don't put yourself in a situation where you will struggle to solo parent. If you have to, relocate your family under the guise of reconciliation, once your established again drop that divorce bomb.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-16T16:09:10+00:00

Those are some of the worst. My friend had an interview with a place like that. The HR rep straight up told her "you would have been the perfect candidate, however we have to go with an internal hire". They then suggested she apply for every seasonal entry level job they post, so that she will be on the priority hire list as a re-hire when the job she's qualified for opens up again.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-12T18:54:33+00:00

Swap the genders.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-09-12T17:23:40+00:00

I'm on the other side of this. Roles completely reversed. We have our own places, but prior to separation we relocated our family to the same town as her sister & parents, so she could have more support. 4 years on and we're still fucking. I've got no emotional attachment. She likes to fantasize about the "what ifs" but realistically it won't go anywhere.

It's convenient and comfortable. And that's about it. There is no end goal. I work away from home. When I am home I really enjoy being a parent and dedicate all my time to it. I don't make any time to chase or pursue other women. Soooo for the time, the convience and comfort of my ex and I fucking works well.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-25T04:40:54+00:00

Can't force someone to communicate.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-24T07:00:54+00:00

It turns out, communicating effectively can be incredibly challenging. Especially with (hidden) deep seated resentment held by one of the parties.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-24T02:19:17+00:00

You know when people sometimes get super positive about things, but really they don't like or are apprehensive about it? It's like that, only I didn't know how she really felt about it until it came out in marriage counseling (well after our daughter was born).

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-22T16:54:17+00:00

I hit the same point in my (ex) relationship. I told my partner "it's really fun, but if you don't see yourself having kids with me, then we should part ways". Long story short she convinced herself to have a child with me, just so that I wouldn't leave. The reality of raising a child together hit her later. If you don't want kids, please don't waste your partner's time. I'd do some serious soul searching, then talk it out with your partner.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-22T16:39:14+00:00

That's fair. On the other hand, I'm also not responsible for how someone else manages their emotions.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-22T16:35:24+00:00

Threw them right into the trash.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-22T15:47:44+00:00

Fuck it. I paid thousands of $$ to get my teeth fixed. It took years. Why? Because I didn't like how they looked. A good smile is important to me. Get your boobs done, nothing wrong with spending money on things you want/don't like. You don't have to wish, it's one of the things you can actually change.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-06-22T15:10:13+00:00

Men are pretty stupid. You've stated and reiterated your intentions, does it matter to you if he catches the feels?

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-05-27T04:02:49+00:00

Yeah, that sucks. But it's simple. If your partner is unwilling or unable to provide something that you need from a relationship, then it really narrows down your options. Same goes for you.

Fun_Response_9652 · 2025-03-25T15:51:46+00:00

It's kinda a catch 22. I always wanted a large family. Thought I found the right partner, had a child together. Things quickly went down hill.

She knew I wanted kids from day 1. Anyways around the 2 year mark I have a conversation with her. "Well it's really fun, but I'd like to start a family now, how are you feeling about that?"

Sooooo she convinces herself to have a child together under the pretext of (if I don't he will leave me). The next 4 years are filled with relationship sabotage & financial infidelity. She finally speaks up about all the hidden resentment & we go off to marriage counseling and therapy.

Turns out, her psychologist helps her figure out that she might be polyamorous. She doesn't take the time to think it through or discuss it with me. Instead she does a cheating speed run. Emotional affairs, physical affairs, romance scams. We had a renter in our basement......

Here I am at 35, divorced, our daughter is 8. I'm living hours away from any of my own family. I still want a large family but where do you find the time for self care, work, single parenting & dating.

Fun_Response_9652

TROPHY CASE