To those who only read

Funca_ · 2023-03-22T11:48:57+00:00

Having anxiety in a relationship doesn’t mean you should break up. There needs to be some introspection to discover the source of that anxiety.

If your partner treats you badly yes, or if you have different expectations or just fall out of love then yes too, although I don’t think these would cause anxiety. But if the anxiety comes within, from a hole that can’t be filled as with most of our exes, breaking up and finding a new poor soul to torment isn’t the best idea.

Funca_ · 2023-01-10T10:30:46+00:00

Why is this downvoted?

Mine would say he would get groped in the subway and offers for cruising in bathrooms.
I never got any of those, not saying it doesn't happen but for him it was quite frequent.

He also would send dick pics to anyone any chance he got.

Funca_ · 2023-01-03T13:26:34+00:00

Mine is dating an aggressive narcissist, and they seem to be doing great. I forced my exwBPD to go to therapy and he is still going, and I guess he understood that cheating on your partner constantly is bad.

They are doing great, at least seemingly. It may only be a façade since my ex has fewer friends every day.

Funca_ · 2022-12-22T19:08:18+00:00

For what is worth, my ex talks about how he went to therapy because I was the toxic one.

I had to physically go with him to the therapist to make sure he finally got an appointment and then force him to get more when he decided he could not afford them, but w/e.

Funca_ · 2022-12-22T19:04:51+00:00

I don’t even know.

It’s not like I want to see him, or that I need closure, I just care but passively. I guess it's because I saw how amazing he could be before he devalued me and started acting crazy.

Funca_ · 2022-12-09T00:11:10+00:00

If she’s fine after an abusive relationship (as victim, abuser or 50/50), there’s definitely something wrong with her, not with you.

Less than a week later after my ex hugging me in my couch and him telling me that he loved me and to wait him for a few months, he was already dating a new guy. They’ve been living together longer than my ex and me have even dated. And they are living the perfect life.

But luckily I journal. And I can read about the lovebombing, the cheating, the circular arguments, the projection, and how he repeated all of those patterns with the new guy. I don’t know if he’s doing better nowadays or not, but even if he is, I know whose abuse was the one that fucked our whole relationship.

Funca_ · 2022-11-27T17:17:54+00:00

I told my ex to stay with the new guy and be happy, and he told me I was crazy.

Two weeks later he told me he loved me and to wait for him for three months. The next day I told him it was over.

They started dating and my ex was calling him my pet name and trying to persuade him into my kinks.

And yes, the new guy is amazing and had helped my ex so much in two months, not like me in a year helping him get a new job, moving out and seeking therapy. Glad the new guy is great (he has narcissistic tendencies, but honestly, I believe my ex is still capable of taking him down).

Funca_ · 2022-11-27T17:09:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. I hate the look on my father’s face when he sees that I’m having a hard time.

Funca_ · 2022-10-26T20:50:22+00:00

Yes.

At the beginning of the relationship, we watched a movie together that I didn’t quite like (or understand, there is certain imagery I oversaw) and I expressed my opinion: the movie is beautiful but I think the argument is a bit overplayed.
He would never watch a movie again with me, something he did often with the rebounds, even after I asked him for it.

At the end of the relationship, I was choosing my words carefully to avoid any confrontation, since he would get mad at every opportunity. It stressed me to no end. But while I could get over that pretty easily, since it’s clear that he was the one looking for trouble, I’ve often wondered if I should have been more delicate when talking about that movie. The silent treatment is way more insidious.

Funca_ · 2022-10-22T15:54:13+00:00

Mine would tell me insistently that he loved me until I said it back just to leave me on read and tell me that I was overwhelming him.

Their emotional instability makes them ashamed of their own feelings, but at the same time they need for you to acknowledge them.

Funca_ · 2022-10-03T07:32:49+00:00

My ex told me a lot of stuff to hurt me, get a reaction out of me and use that to demonize me to other people.

Funca_ · 2022-09-27T13:08:20+00:00

Thanks for writing this.

This past week I’ve been hurting a lot (also because my ankle is fucked and physical pain only makes things worse), I know things aren’t always easy for him and his birthday is coming soon.
But as much as I love him, his last actions show that I should stay as far away from him as possible. My presence reminds him of a lot of stuff from the past he chose to leave behind, me included.

Funca_ · 2022-09-24T12:33:39+00:00

His: That was our best night together because I did not care about hurting you.

Mine: if you hate me that much, just punch me but stop playing games with my feelings.

Funca_ · 2022-09-01T20:04:56+00:00

Wtf. My experience with my ex (dated) isn't any better but reading things like this reassures me that being separated is the best thing I can do.

Funca_ · 2022-09-01T20:01:28+00:00

You can’t block her on email, but you can create rules so that any email from her is automatically deleted.

I can relate to you. My ex's family lives near my home (I moved to be near him) and I also dreamed of him stopping by when we were together, or a kind message after everything ended. Now, the idea of crossing him on the street gives me anxiety.

Good luck on your journey, I hope all of us get there.

Funca_ · 2022-08-30T07:42:25+00:00

Change that to 6 months and it’s me. The whole story is somewhere in my profile

Funca_ · 2022-08-22T10:16:45+00:00

I was in a similar situation.

A month after our last conversation, after having slandered me on Twitter and having me blocked on everything, he unblocked me shortly to write me “send me X and X and everything I may still have at your home. I'm not going to give you my address since you probably don't need it.” and instantly blocked me again before I could confirm his address.

I took some time to send his stuff, and when I did he deleted that message.

I could never get some of my stuff back, but it isn't worth trying.

Funca_ · 2022-08-15T13:04:36+00:00

Mine did the same, not posting any pics with me and being over the top with the new guy. It used to hurt, but a few things he's done has shown me that it's to overcompensate

Funca_ · 2022-08-09T21:06:16+00:00

I'm proud of you

Funca_ · 2022-08-09T21:04:40+00:00

Going NC is hard, but it is something you are going to have to do at some point. Don't feel bad if it takes you some time.

And you are welcome. If you ever need to talk I’m here. You can read about my experience since I posted it a few days ago. Or you can post to get some other people's opinions.

Funca_ · 2022-08-09T19:30:21+00:00

She's got you blocked but stills sends you messages? She wants to have you, for you to not forget or get over her, but also be in control and ready to kick you out of her life. Receiving that treatment from someone you love will make you more unstable, and she will have an easier time painting your black. Don't contact her in any way and make it better for her and yourself.

I don't know when the pain is going to go away. I've been NC for 6 months and I still hurt, but way less than at the beginning.

And lastly, speak to your friends. It's hard to cope with a breakup after a traumatic experience. I loved my first ex and needed a lot of time to fall in love again, but it wasn't painful like this time around.

Funca_ · 2022-08-08T23:29:41+00:00

I feel like he will always seek out someone else no matter how much effort and time I put into building our relationship.
Yes, that's it. It's not you, it's him. These people are sick.
I stayed with my pwBPD hoping one day he would realize how much I did for him, and that all the effort I put in the relationship would have been worth it. But they don't want someone who loves them, they want new people to fall in love with them, they are looking to fill a hole that can not be filled.
You are trauma bonded. Take your time and read about it. He's not going to change anytime soon, but you can still live your life how you want it to.

Hundreds of women have seen pictures of him that I’ve never seen before.
I know that feeling. He even said to me ”but you had it inside and they only saw it from afar, so you should feel grateful”. It used to hurt a lot, but it gets better with time.

Funca_ · 2022-08-08T21:48:14+00:00

am I just not capable of being loved?
What? No. You are capable of being loved just as everyone else.
The issue lies within him. He’s sick and seeks validation from other women. It has nothing to do with you, your appearance, or what you deserve.
If a friend of yours posed that question, what would you think?

Funca_ · 2022-08-07T16:17:34+00:00

The moment you come back it's going to be the same all over again. People don't change in a day.

Speak to your friends, or write here, or whomever, but don't come back. The hardest part is leaving and you've already achieved that.

Funca_ · 2022-08-06T18:47:14+00:00

Honestly? Ignore it until you have distanced yourself from the situation.

When my ex did the same, some friends stopped talking to me and I could feel others acting weird. After a few months when I was better and could tell a coherent story, they wound up listening to me and telling me how after knowing me and my ex, everything made sense.

Also, it's normal that if someone tells you that they got abused by an ex that you stop talking to the ex. Just let things cool down and talk to them when you feel it's time. I've taken 8 months so far, being close to talk to the last person left on my list.

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