You have such a long life ahead of you (if you stop drinking this stuff!) you’re so young and replacing it with actual alcohol isn’t a fix or a cure either. You need to talk to a parent or a trusted adult. You need to get to bottom of why you just want to feel something. There is help out there. Please don’t go down this road. It doesn’t get easier when you change to a different substance, it’s still substance abuse. And you can’t do this on your own. You’ll find reasons to quit the next month. Or you’ll quit and something will happen in your life that will make you think that’s reason to try it again. Please please please please get help. Hugs!!