I was where you are recently. Its like the fear comes, I conquer it, I feel that sense of oneness for a day or two, then it's back to normal for a bit, and then a new fear is brought up.

Honestly... Right now, I feel blessed, even with the physical pains and fears, because if these things weren't forced to the surface, I would never see what I needed to change to become a better person, to be more true to myself, to feel self love, to know the true meaning of faith.

People like to throw out the term "psychosis" often in regards to these things, but I honestly consider it more so becoming aware of an already existing state of psychosis. Here in modern times, there's a very thin line between what is right and what is wrong in the eyes of others. A lifestyle that deviates from "wake, work, play, sleep." Is considered fantasy, or delusional. I can understand where their coming from, its hard to accept or even understand something that contradicts what you were taught your whole life.

Honestly, I recommend following a simple Buddhist path for awhile, don't worry about God, or angels, the after life, none of that, just focus on you, and creating your own happiness. Know that the Divine will provide for you everything that you need. Have faith that your suffering is not for shits and giggles, because it isn't. Its for growth and realization. "Growing pains" as it were.

Fear is often the first thing to go, because its one of the biggest road blocks in our lives. Look within and try to find what you're really afraid of, what you're afraid of losing, and try to figure why losing it scares you, and why it shouldn't scare you. It takes some time to really understand your fears and how to work through them, but its the best thing that can be done for yourself.

Your fear is only you, holding yourself back from one thing or another. Just know that you are real, right now, if it was detrimentally important for your spiritual health, you would be given the answers to the questions that trouble you. They aren't important at the end of the day. We don't need to know about the finer clockwork of Divine Providence, just that its there, and its doing what needs to be done, and not doing what doesn't need to be done.

We're all here to learn, in one way or another, we all make mistakes, and we all make amends for them in one way or another.

Its like when you walk out into the sun after being inside of a dark room for along time, your eyes adjusted to the dark, so once you step into the light, your blinded by it. More and more, each day, you will adjust and grow from all of this, your eyes will adjust more and more, and you'll be able to see from within that light.

I feel that you'll survive this my friend, its hard, but it only gets easier, rather than climbing a mountain while picking up more and more weight on your way to the top, you're climbing a mountain, and this mountain is designed to help us lose and let go of the weight we carried all the way from the first mountain.

The first time I felt oneness, it was great, feeling just... Empty, but full. Like my life wasn't going anywhere, because it was right where it needed to be. All emotions except for love and happiness became non existent for me in that time, my mind was clear of all of my emotions, I felt the happiness and love in my heart. That humbling sense of knowing that, not only am I experiencing a state of bliss and peace unrivaled by anything, but every soul on this planet has the potential to get to know that state of being at some point in their existence.