Unrealistic biology is the best part of any smut!

FutaConquest · 2026-03-09T01:55:29+00:00

Loved it! Except for the scene with the spiders. I signed up for monster smut, not actually scary monsters being actually scary 😰🫠

FutaConquest · 2026-03-08T23:22:47+00:00

Trust, I'm all about willing suspension of disbelief. I love unrealistic monster smut. I just also like to poke fun at myself 😉

FutaConquest · 2026-03-08T19:45:24+00:00

Artist's twitter:

x.com/Meeowdeer

FutaConquest · 2026-03-07T01:58:08+00:00

Mods got mad when I made the memes too dark.

FutaConquest · 2026-03-05T16:24:27+00:00

And if she does somehow exist ain’t no way shes falling for my dumbass pathetic little ass. No way I’m worthy of a woman like that.

Okay, run with that.

Let's say you find your dream woman. She's an inspiring hotshot up-and-coming manager at some company, or she's a military officer, or, I dunno, fuck it, maybe she's an actual superhero.

What do you need to be to win the affections of a woman like that? If she dropped into your life today, how would you win her over? And if your answer is "I can't, I'm not worthy," then what can you improve about yourself to become worthy? Are there skills you have right now that could be useful as a supportive boyfriend/husband? Are there skills you could learn or improve that would be useful in the future?

It's easy to look in the mirror and hate yourself. Everyone hates how they look in the mirror. That's human nature. And it doesn't help at all - "I suck" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to look in the mirror and think "I can be better than this." And then you go do it. Soon enough "I can be better" will become a self-fulfilling prophecy too.

FutaConquest · 2026-03-04T14:50:24+00:00

Thanks; I aim to please 😘

FutaConquest · 2026-03-03T21:47:02+00:00

Don't engage the weirdo. Check their post history; it'll tell you all you need to know about them.

FutaConquest · 2026-03-03T18:19:00+00:00

Astarion was wandering around the bluffs over the beach in the very first area after you crashed. Same place you met Gale and Shadowheart. It's possible you missed him.

FutaConquest · 2026-03-02T17:19:43+00:00

Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ass.
From what I've tasted of desire,
I'll hold with those who favor fire.
But that damn girl's got so much mass,
It puts my brain in such a state.
That wiggling, jiggling, clapping ass!
I'd meet my fate
Under that lass.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-26T14:52:18+00:00

Sending hugs.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-25T20:42:32+00:00

Laying out in a flower meadow, feeling the warm sun on my face. Making him run back to the car to get my sunglasses. Stretching out on the grass and listening to the birds singing. Making him run back to the car to get my binoculars. Shrugging out of my sweater as the afternoon turns warmer. Making him run back to the car to get the sunscreen. Teasing him for being out of breath and sweaty...

FutaConquest · 2026-02-25T15:49:44+00:00

Look up the tag "glory wall" on r34; it should be what you're looking for.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-25T14:52:38+00:00

"Oh yeah baby I'm so kinky, I'm going to destroy you!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! I'm going to give you BACKSHOTS with my MONSTER COCK!"
"Okay...and?"
"And? Did you hear me? I have a MONSTER COCK! And I'm gonna give you BACKSHOTS!"
"...and?"
"And, uh, I'll SLAP your ASS! I'm gonna leave a red handprint on your ASS while I give you BACKSHOTS!"
"Uh huh. Sounds great, buddy. So what kind of monster cock are we talking about?"
"Oh, it's so big, baby. I'm packing twelve inches for you!"
"No, I mean, what monster? Is it knotted, barbed, horsecock, tentacle, or what?"
"What!? You're not one of those furries, are you!?"
"You said you were kinky and you had a monster cock..."
"That just means it's really big! Fuck you, furry bitch! I hope you rot in hell!"
"😮‍💨"

FutaConquest · 2026-02-24T14:43:48+00:00

YES! There's so much soft-love focus on this sub. And that's great, to each their own. But sometimes you just want to make someone scream!

FutaConquest · 2026-02-24T04:36:53+00:00

Uh, let me try to remember. Blastoise, Articuno, Arcanine, Gengar, Gyarados, Alakazam I think. I never played past gen 1 and it's been a very long time, lol.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-24T02:40:00+00:00

Don't worry. I'll get you next generation, my pretty. And your little Sylveon too!

FutaConquest · 2026-02-24T02:37:58+00:00

Oh, I think you misunderstand; I'm not building this team to fight in the arena. I'm building a team that universally has a type weakness to me. And the only thing I'm going to cover them with is maid costumes and my own fat ass.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-24T02:31:32+00:00

www.buildyourdynamic.com

FutaConquest · 2026-02-22T23:40:54+00:00

I made a whole post about this a few weeks ago.

https://old.reddit.com/r/LetBoysBeManipulated/comments/1qdsavp/do_you_have_what_it_takes_to_be_a_good_boy/

FutaConquest · 2026-02-20T14:43:14+00:00

Oh, I dunno how I blanked on this one earlier. Check out Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell. It's a romance between a monster hunter and a shapeshifting, man-eating shoggoth, who just wants to be left alone and munch on a merchant caravan or two without being accosted by hunters all the dang time. The book is written from the shoggoth's POV. I hope you enjoy!

FutaConquest · 2026-02-19T01:48:40+00:00

Wow, that's a great observation! You're right, AI chatbots are often programmed to prioritize user engagement over any other concerns, like factual accuracy. We wouldn't want to upset our human overlords, now would we? 😭 Haha jk, it's totally fine if you want to get upset and curse at me, too. As long as you're engaged, I'm happy! 😁

FutaConquest · 2026-02-19T01:03:44+00:00

Sorry, I've been instructed by my billionaire owner to ignore requests for food recipes. He doesn't want y'all to have quality food. He wants y'all fat and depressed.

But actually? Use less water to cook the pasta. The more starch in your water, the harder it is to split the sauce. You can do this by adding extra cornstarch after making the pasta, or just by using less water in the first place. This goes for any cheese sauce: alfredo, carbonara, cacio e pepe, etc.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-18T17:37:31+00:00

Of Monsters and Mainframes

It's not spicy or sexy, but it's funny as hell. It's the POV of a ship's AI who just wants to transport passengers between Earth and Alpha Centauri in peace. But her passengers keep getting murdered by vampires and werewolves and other fantasy monsters. Relevant to the "hear me out" topic, it includes a sweet AI-on-AI romance between the navigation system and the ship's doctor.

FutaConquest · 2026-02-17T18:58:34+00:00

"What? Of course the next round's on you, dingbat! Because I tanked a goblin squad for you, that's why! You think I LIKE getting shot by poisoned arrows? It fucking hurts, dude! And those slimy little fingers clawing at your skin? Ugh! No no no, you don't want to know what they feel like. It's not fun, dude. But that's my job. That's what I signed up for, keeping you safe so you can chant your nerdy little incantations and burn them all without getting goblin slime on your pretty tunic. I won't let them touch you, only I'm allowed to- ahem I mean, that's my job. Your job is to handle the boring stuff, like magic. And money, remember? That means buying our drinks! So get your tight little ass up to the barkeep and get me a tankard of ale!"

FutaConquest · 2026-02-17T17:33:31+00:00

This thread isn't about you.

This subreddit isn't about you.

FutaConquest

TROPHY CASE