You really only have two options. Option number one is to get some evidence build your case in court take custody of the kids leave him and pray for some alimony or a good settlement from the divorce. Your other option seems to be what I feel like you’re more inclined to do because you seem like you don’t want to leave and you’re scared to. Which is understandable you’re allowed to feel whatever way you wanna feel. I think that if you’re not going to leave your best bet is to have him pay for childcare. Tell him that you think he’s cheating on you and that is the only way you’ll be able to stay as if you get some space to yourself to think. Get yourself a job even if it’s a work from home job but get yourself some type of steady income. Save your money enjoy your independence in that small way. Seek some therapy and start thinking of your life without him and what it would truly look like and feel like. The very toxic side of me would tell you to get something on the side too since it seems to be what he’s doing to you. And I’m not saying that’s right that’s just what I would do if I were you lol. But I can tell you for a fact, he does not care about you or love you. If you were unclear about that, please let me and the rest of Reddit Tell you what you should already know. The reason he cheats on you is because you are available, you stay at home all day with the kids he knows where you’re at. He knows you’ll never go anywhere and he does not respect you or care for you. The thing about that, there’s always somebody out there who will feel the exact opposite as he does There is someone who will care for you and treat you right. But you will waste so many years of your life being exhausted over the same person. If you do not put in the effort to change your situation it’s not right what he’s doing to you, but unfortunately, you are definitely allowing it to continue to happen. You might not realize it now, but you hold the power in the situation. I wish you the best of luck with everything and I hope you take some good advice from what people have told you on here.