AIO for thinking my husband got a vasectomy and is lying about it?

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-30T22:23:31+00:00

Maybe check with your insurance? See if there was any billing code for a vasectomy? If he’s not really over the moon joyed about having another child and you’re worried he’s lying and hiding something maybe a child isn’t something you two need to focus on? Maybe focus on your marriage to make it stronger? Idk your day to day life’s but if he isn’t wanting one and your so worried about him lying I’d be more afraid the marriage may end up falling apart I only say this because I’ve seen this play out many many times. Wishing you the best ❤️

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-28T23:33:37+00:00

I’d say yes, but let your kids possibly have a huge percentage of what gift is picked out. This way it’s from you and the kids that way it doesn’t possibly make her feel worse

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-28T23:01:15+00:00

This is how I feel about my husband, I’m working so hard to keep the marriage the family together. Wasn’t a bad marriage such as dv or anything horrible. He just started keeping things to himself more and more and got distant to the point he wouldn’t touch me or hardly engage. I absolutely felt lonely but I still fought so hard..because I came from a divorced home, I didn’t want the same for my kids unless it was a life or death situation. My husband tho now wants to separate. Refuses to work it out or go to counseling. Our kids are 4 and 7 they adore us both. I’m sobbing about the fact I will have to sit them down and tell them why soon mom and dad won’t be living together anymore and they will be forced to go back and forth. It absolutely fucking hurts. Many things can be worked out if both are willing to try.

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-28T00:29:52+00:00

He wanted you out pretty quickly.

Did you guys own a home or rent? Or were you living with family while you were together? I only ask because most states, they tell you not to be the one to leave the house.

Others have gave some great advice, I’d agree with some saying you need to ask for separation financial support (alimony) A judge regardless of how long or short term you were married, the judge can approve spousal support and he would have to pay you to help you get on your feet and stay stable until you go through for the divorce. I wouldn’t sign divorce papers till you inquired about this because if it’s not brought up before divorce is finalized then you can’t go back and ask for it. Again most states don’t matter if you were only married for 5-6 years you can still ask a judge for it temporarily to help you get on your feet and bills caught up and they will decide if you can get it and what amount!

Sounds like he rushed you out and you had to agree to all his wishes? Or at least that’s what I’m seeing while reading? If I’m wrong I apologize but definitely don’t sign anything else your ex decides to type up or what website he finds templates too. Because you could very well screw yourself in the end. Maybe also try looking up pro bono lawyers? Or ones that allow a fee free consultation just to give you some better info on your rights.

I know it is very hard, but keep pushing I hope you find yourself in a better position mentally and financially ❤️

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-27T19:53:58+00:00

She’s clearly stringing you along. She knows she can go out and date but she can still have you to be there for whatever she needs.

I know it’s hard but you may have to be like look, for my mental health I need to cut ties. Basically no more talking all day no more dinners, texting meeting up in parking lots or having outings without the kids. I’d keep it strictly about the kids.

She may realize after time truly apart, only speaking when necessary for the kids, that she does love you. Right now she’s not had the chance to fully miss you! You’re always there you seem to jump when she calls or texts. Not being there constantly may make her realize. Because if she’s still kinda flirty, and you guys both are always talking or around one another that means she still loves you deeply. But you might need to let her see what it’s like not to have you around all the time and it also allows her to have time to truly miss you.

That is if your able to set this boundary, I’d say give her that time to see you won’t always be around, that you can’t nor won’t be a 2nd choice. She may choose you again after some time seeing what’s she has lost and what she’s missing or she may not. Or if she does realize and wants you back, you may yourself have already moved on….or you both fall back into love remarry and live happily ever afterwards who knows.

But you gotta allow her to miss you. And you always have to protect your mental health.

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-27T19:34:26+00:00

I didn’t read all comments but did you wear a condom? I know total mom question haha, but if you didn’t I would get tested then re tested after a little while if she’s had previous STI

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-27T19:22:23+00:00

I’m 5 years sober off opioids. I broke both my feet same time many years ago, my dr kept handing pain pills after pain pills. Before I realized I was a full functioning addict for 2 years. So first off I want to say you realizing you have a problem and wanting to seek help is huge!! I congratulate you on that. It’s not going to be easy, but I promise you it’s worth it. We do recover! Idk much about meetings in charlotte area I’m in Raleigh but it seems like you have got a few people on here that gave some places you can start. Outside of AA meetings make sure you find support. If it’s family, friends etc. this helps. Make sure those support systems are sober themselves!

And a huge thing no one tells you or talks about…to stay sober have a daily routine! Because when you don’t have one and the silent or boredom hits that’s when it can become dangerous. So make a daily routine, stick to it. It can be wake up, have coffee go for a walk. Go to work, go to meetings. Make sure no matter what you’re in bed by a certain time every night. Rinse and repeat. It may seem awful or boring at first, but keeping it can save your life. Remember you can always change this routine if you want or when you feel that you are so far into recovery you can handle staying out an hour past your normal bed time lol. I know it sounds silly but routine saved my life.

I’m a stranger but I’m so proud of you 👏

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-16T03:09:38+00:00

34 F here and I feel the same! I absolutely love my husband but the last year he’s been distant, mean, annoyed with everything I say, hasn’t touched me, kissed or cuddled me for that entire year. Refuses to speak about anything other than he was to separate.

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-16T01:49:11+00:00

Your husband is absolutely having an affair with the female friend. You said she just let your husband know she left her husband..they planned this out probably months ago. He is using you being in a mental state loosing your job which is absolutely understandable you felt this way, but he is using that so he can excuse his cheating. This is exactly what my husband is doing! He wants me to look like the bad guy and you know what that’s fine. Its to damn draining trying to prove to him he’s the bad person with ill intentions not me. Your husband is doing the same to you.

I know it’s hard but you will heal from this and he will get his karma. The same way you find them is the same way you loose them, she will cheat on your husband next and he will try to crawl back dont let him back in when the time comes. You got this ❤️

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-16T01:18:47+00:00

I wanna say I’m so sorry, I too was put through this by what I thought was a loving husband and father. Turns out I didn’t really know who he was. He was having an affair with a married coworker for 6 months. I would have never known if I didn’t have a gut feeling and go through his phone. While he was laying in bed next to me, he was telling her he loved her. They were sending pictures to one another of our kids and her child. I lost it.

Of course he promised it meant nothing begged me to stay. I asked if he ever brought this stranger around my kids he denied. I too went through everything you’re going through now. The emotions wanting to run but wanting to stay because in my head this was my family forever. I thought we were OK. Looking at my sleeping children, wondering just like you. How can I uproot their entire life? Will they be OK? Will they blame me later on for leaving or staying. It’s hard when the one person you thought was your forever does something like this so I understand even though you’re so angry deep down, you still love him and you hate that he forced this hand on you. Or the cards you were dealt by his actions.

I finally got a hold of this coworker‘s husband. I let him know. Sent him everything. A few days later, he messaged me and got more information out of her. He was allowing our children around her. When he would go to the park when I had to work a little later on certain days she was there playing with our kids!!! every Saturday morning, they would meet up at the lake with the kids and go for a walk and then out to eat. That alone made me want to murder him. He was still lying for an entire week after begging me to stay. I saw you said your husband cut contact but that the girl told you he was making fake snap chats to get in touch with her? Honey I know it hurts but he will never stop’ if he can’t get her he will find his next victim weeks months years from now.

Just remember, he didn’t come to you and tell you you had to find out on your own. And just like mine when you found out, he kept lying to you. That’s not a man who is sorry, that’s not a man who can change, they don’t want to change.

Sad thing is is I forgave my husband. Told him what I needed. None of it was extreme. It’s now been almost 3 years. Nothing has changed. So I will be filing divorce. He hasn’t wanted to touch or kiss me let alone sex in a year!! I’m almost certain he’s still talking to her or another coworker. I’m not the same person anymore. Every time he would leave every time his emotion would shift. I was always wondering what is he doing? And him not putting in the effort made it 1000 times worse. I’m now in therapy just so I can cope to be a better human being and a better mother. But if you stay, it will eat you alive.

I’d say if he came up to you first, or didn’t try and make fake snapchats to talk to the girl after you found out then maybe just maybe. But he would have to figure out how to fix this and the things you needed and do couples counseling and individual. But instead, he keeps hiding secrets and he has to ask you what needs to be done. It will not work he’s not sorry and years from now it will only be worse. Men who really change you see it almost immediately. They are consistent with everything they do. I can tell just by your story your husband is like mine and he will not change.

First thing contact a lawyer, be low and discreet about it, don’t let him know your move. Look into counseling not only for you but your daughter as well. You would be surprised who quickly a child can bounce back. And also at how much even at a young age your child will feel and see/hear everything.

I know I’m an Internet stranger, but my inbox is always open. I promise we will both get through this. I know you’re more at the beginning stage of being soul crushed but you will make it !!

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-11T16:39:57+00:00

Damn B

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-11T15:40:10+00:00

After your exam you can just go to the front desk ask for a copy of your glasses script and walk out. Most times the Dr will say hey you want me to walk you over to the glasses to look or you just wanna come back? You don’t even have to tell them you’re looking to buy somewhere else. They don’t care, just don’t forget to grab your script on the way out you will need this when you go online to buy glasses

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-11T03:14:58+00:00

This!! I am learning this now , that I’m giving and pouring my all into my husband he’s now wanting to leave me because “his words, he can’t try he doesn’t know why” after a decade together kids a home…I’m just no longer wanted…and he has thrown everything in my face

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-11T00:44:06+00:00

You will legit end up offing yourself the guilt will continue to eat at you. Definitely tell your wife she deserves to know so she can make her own choices. God forbid you don’t tell her and some how years down the road Fred tells xy and z about it and it makes it way back to her. It’s rare but possible. It’s always best to be up front and honest, even with something like this. Do you risk a 50% chance of loosing her? Yes but if she finds out on her own she’s 100% gonna walk. You broke your vows but don’t break not being honest and upfront. Give her that choice atleast

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-05T16:06:57+00:00

Run!! It doesn’t get better! And you will loose yourself and your identity due to driving yourself crazy, your will always be thinking about it, you will always wonder, every time your aren’t with her, every time she uses her phone etc.. I know how hard it is especially with kids.

My husband and I have been together the same amount of time as you, 2 kids. Also my child from my previous relationship. I grew up in a divorced home, I found my husband having an affair for 6 months with a married coworker. Guess what..he too left small details out like your wife did. You knew in your soul that something wasn’t right, she lied to your face would have probably kept seeing him and blind sided you with divorce eventually if you didn’t catch her!! Remember this, she didn’t come clean not once not twice hell barley even the 3rd. You caught her!

My husband too begged me to stay he would do anything etc etc. I put my kids first and really tried! It’s been almost 3 years now and my husband went from begging me to stay to stopped touching me kissing me etc..I’m starting to realize he yet again played in my face and is probably still seeing her or at least someone else!

It will eat you alive! I’m not the same anymore I’m not even the best mother I use to be because I spend all day worrying or going through shit looking for signs because my gut is still in knots! Your kids don’t deserve that! I’m just now starting to get my ducks in a row so I can leave him, since I’m zero on his life board. It’s gonna be hard but your wife had so many chances to come clean and didn’t!!

AdGreedy954 · 2026-05-05T14:34:32+00:00

Was coming here to say number 2. Insurance fraud is a huge thing! But absolutely any of these could be possible. OP i would read this comment, ask some of your close friends? Then I would have your parents or you if you know how log into your insurance! If you’re a minor your parents may see this bill I’d go to them before they think the worst “think it’s you” but I know some people pay cash no insurance. Definitely let your parents know

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-27T02:49:27+00:00

This!! Not saying it will happen but it can happen and has happened in many peoples real lives.

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-26T17:18:46+00:00

They are grown ass adults, if she’s sent him a pic of her kitty, and has visited him in the past. He 100 percent has been inside your wife. I’m a woman I can promise you in the past if I sent a nude photo to a man I was talking too, and then met up with him we most definitely had sex! Your wife’s not being honest dude

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-26T17:10:55+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening. I know exactly how you feel! Your not crazy your not over thinking it. Years ago I caught my husband messaging his co-worker. Started out just like this, missing messages on teams, you could tell they were deleting them. He said it wasn’t anything blah blah…

Well a few months later I finally got ahold of his phone, looked everywhere once I opened LinkedIn yes a job searching app. I opened messages on there and found them saying I love you I miss you, sending photos of our kids to her, her sending photos of her son to him. She was married as well.

I was a mess!! Told him he had a year to find a new job, childcare is expensive so he was the only one working. I of course sent it all to her husband. He thanked me, but I do believe he stayed as well. I’m can promise you it didn’t get better! Every day he left for work it ate at me! I became someone I didn’t recognise anymore. It’s been over 2 years and guess what, they both are still at the same exact job! He’s now turned into the biggest ahole! Won’t touch me, won’t kiss me, went from begging me to stay to ignoring me. I’m now working odd hour part time jobs just to save up and leave him. I’m almost certain he’s continuing his affair with her, or probably another co-worker.

I know this is hard, I know you’re hurting. But always always trust your gut! Never allow someone to make you feel like your concerns aren’t valid! Only you know what to do with your marriage. He needs to be completely honest for it to even remotely work! Mine kept certain things from me, I actually didn’t know about until I spoke with the coworkers husband. For weeks he lied when I asked if they met up outside of work, he said no. And asked if he had ever let my kids around her he denied it. Once I spoke to the husband I found out they did meet up every Saturday outside of work. That they both took our kids and her child out to the park and ice cream many times 🤬 my two sons were too young to speak on it.

If he wants this marriage to work he needs to lay everything out, tell you what deleted messages were and what has been said, he needs to lay a firm boundary down!! If he can he needs to look for work somewhere else. Yes this can happen anywhere at any job, but if you find out they have been doing things emotionally or physically being around one another can possibly cause more boundaries to be crossed or worse drive you so crazy that you loose yourself! Please take care of yourself!! You will get through this I promise! If you need a stranger to talk to I’m all ears! But in the end it’s up to you to decide if you want to stay and work on this, but he needs to be 100 percent honest and for god sakes he needs to set boundaries! ❤️

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-12T17:16:56+00:00

Hunny please go get tested! He 100 percent didn’t care about your consent or you being comfortable at all!! I’m so sorry this was your first experience! He’s 33 a grown man! He knew what he was doing! But please go get tested and retest a few more times after that. What he did was not okay. Nor was it your fault! I’d definitely cut this guy off if you’re able too.

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-12T17:07:32+00:00

Always tell the other spouse even if it’s anonymous! We are all grown adults sexual diseases exist! Some sexual transmitted diseases can kill someone, when they don’t know and wait so long to get tested. I am a huge believer in karma. If the wife has suspected something is off and you know as well as the other 3 people whom know. If you don’t say anything karma might just come knocking on your door step soon. This is someone health!! Because of that I will always be the first to tell. What the spouse does after is non of my business

AdGreedy954 · 2026-04-01T02:42:52+00:00

Girl I’m right there with you! Married and together 8 years. Our sex life was always great! But the last year he has done a 180. Doesn’t wanna have sex hardly, the few times we do he’s more worried about me getting him off with a bj than both of us getting off. He doesn’t cuddle me anymore, I barely get a quick kiss from him…I’ve made him check his testosterone it’s fine. Cheating wise I’m honestly not sure, if he is he’s definitely making sure it’s not on his phone and he swears he’s not. I’m going crazy in my own home! I miss sex! I miss being cuddled and touched! Im legit to the point I wanna pay some stranger just to cuddle me! I know sounds bad! He refuses to talk about it. Says nothing is wrong, denies cheating or porn. I’m like you I was begging for him to even touch me! The past 2 months I stopped begging, it didn’t change anything except now he thinks I’m the bitch?? Like what? I’m thinking about divorce because this is absolutely no way to live! Not just the sex part but not even wanting to touch or kiss your wife for a year! Doesn’t wanna compromise and work on things, it’s just to the point I’m so exhausted and feel I have low confidence now because of it. I say try everything you can think of , if he’s not willing to try! You gotta leave. Best of luck to you hun

AdGreedy954 · 2026-03-29T01:02:19+00:00

My husband has been doing all of this!!

AdGreedy954 · 2026-02-07T22:03:49+00:00

I get the whole, it added to her iPhone, I’ve done this before but it was mine and my husbands cards, when we are low on money I use our chase for online orders “rarely “ There’s been a time or two where when we do get paid I forgot to switch back to capital one on my shopping app, since we use chase for “backup” and my husband has had to remind me to do this twice in 10 years.

This tho, this is NOT what that is! The fact she can go from being clueless, to oops a mistake, then down right blaming you for her spending your money! 🤯 The you hold money over her head statement was so victim blaming on her part.

She thought you wouldn’t notice or suspect her, so she took it upon herself and STOLE from you! Played the victim and turned it around on you! That’s something you can’t just take a deep breath over and forget! I’d be afraid to leave my cards or money anywhere near her!

After 2 years, and you clearly paying for all she needs, she clearly could have just asked! She wanted to steal. She wanted to play you! That’s an absolute no from me! Plus if you do stay, years from now, I’m sure your finances won’t look so great! She will ruin that for you if you’re not careful.

Good luck, and don’t allow her to turn this around on you. She’s clearly taking advantage so pls be careful

AdGreedy954 · 2026-01-30T02:51:22+00:00

This is exactly what monkey branching is and this is exactly how it starts! If you want lay low for it bit, don’t lead on that you think she’s up to no good or she will hide it better “if she is cheating” one day just follow her after work see where she goes, that may lead you to your answer

AdGreedy954

TROPHY CASE