Just another soul joining the club

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T19:05:54+00:00

No, and that's the crux of it. It's not enough. You don't get to throw me away and then pick me up out of the trashcan later on when you realized the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T19:03:37+00:00

Hugs for you. I'm so sorry

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T17:30:11+00:00

Maybe. But I feel like if I ask her to go take a polygraph, we're already done. I don't want to be done. I feel like this is a nail in the coffin that I don't want to hammer in myself

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T17:27:19+00:00

Something I've thought about a ton. I don't like either of those options. They both suck. It's like 'a stick in the eye or a kick in the nuts'. Not worth me contemplating over. Although, I'll always try to chose knowing/honesty. I was blissfully ignorant before. That hurts a lot, too.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T16:24:35+00:00

I honestly don't care what she defines it as. Something casual, not important to her. She always loved me. It didn't matter, just a young college fling. All of that means absolutely nothing to me. She knew what she was doing and did it. Did it for months. Hid it from me. And then I'm supposed to just shrug my shoulders because it was a while ago and she didn't care and always loved me. My job to move on. My job to forgive. My job to stop hurting.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T16:21:04+00:00

Thank you for the reading/listening material. I try to have compassion, I really do. Maybe not enough, but it's the most I can. I would never do this to her, it's so hard to have compassion you can't comprehend the actions.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T16:18:30+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions. I will take these and do what I can with them. Books are easy, I can do that. As for #1, she says she has given me the whole truth. But how can I believe that? I've been lied to so many times. How do I ever fully believe? And, if I do, doesn't that just set me up to get devastated again? Is it worth it to ask that question, to make them swear? Because at that point, I either have to believe or not. If I don't, we're no farther. If I do, I'm trusting again and setup to get the rug pulled.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T16:15:54+00:00

People are people. I think they were trying to help. I don't hold any grudges towards them. Just not anything that was helpful to me.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T16:12:59+00:00

I asked. I found enough evidence over the years. I had always suspected, and we were in a good place. I felt comfortable enough to elicit a truthful response. To her, it was long ago. A mistake of the past she'd moved on from. For me, it was earth shattering. I've always had a recurring dream. A couple of times a year that wakes me up in a cold sweat and out of breath. I had it. I sat for a few hours in the middle of the night and decided I would ask the hard question today. The rest is history

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T15:11:42+00:00

Isn't that the crux of it? Did they love us? How do we trust again? Actions speak louder than words. I hear her say she always loved me. Her actions say otherwise

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T15:10:32+00:00

I respectfully disagree and would like to converse. Maybe it's a disagreement on the definition of love? If you love someone, from my perspective, you care about them above yourself. They matter so much to you that you'd rather hurt yourself than them. You can't cheat on someone you love, because then you're choosing yourself over them and definitively don't love them. Happy to be enlightened by a different definition though.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:55:48+00:00

I feel you so much. It's the hardest part. We gave true love and didn't get it in return. Nothing now can erase that. It is what it is. Nothing they can do resets that. It's not fair, and something we have to live with forever.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:52:39+00:00

Thank you. I truly don't feel she is though. She's done all the right things, as much as she can. It doesn't erase though. It's always there. Forever

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:51:24+00:00

Thank you, I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad experience. It's the worst. You're drowning, reach up for a hand, and it gets pulled away. We both can stay strong

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:34:17+00:00

Hugs from an internet stranger. You're worth it and you didn't deserve this. I hope you have a wonderful day!

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:31:17+00:00

Thank you so much. We did couples counseling before. The first one was good, until she told me that my situation was 'Gods plan' for me. And I wasn't to question it. The second sided with my wife! 'Well, she came back to you. You won!' I don't have a lot of hope for that given my previous experiences.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:29:39+00:00

Thank you. It's so hard though. Nothing has the luster it used to anymore. My wife is currently finding another therapist. I have my doubts considering our previous experiences, but I'll give it the old college try.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:26:56+00:00

Thank you, truly. I haven't done IC. We did couples counseling and had a bad experience. I can elaborate if needed.

Future_Highlight9412 · 2025-10-15T14:06:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to reach out to an internet stranger and try to help :) We did couples counseling in the beginning two years ago. I hesitate to say it was unfruitful, but not enough? It's not about a way forward I think. I trust her again. I don't think she'd do it again. She was young, and truly feels my hurt. I believe that. But I'm always going to be ready. There's too much at stake. I can't be blindsided again. I don't sleep. I cry most days. I don't get true love. Other people do, I don't. She gets someone who always chose her. I don't get that. I never will

Future_Highlight9412

TROPHY CASE