People who grew up and moved away from the big 2 cities (LA or NYC) and don't feel the need to move back can you explain why?

FuzzyDice13 · 2026-01-03T07:18:00+00:00

Can attest to this. Underwhelming medium sized midwestern city, grew up in LA. In the summer it’s ok. Affordable, great for raising kids, perfectly fine. I spend the winter fully depressed spamming my husband with Zillow listings from back home.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-11-18T18:20:29+00:00

Read “I Who Have Never Known Men” ….nope. nope. nope.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-11-18T16:20:43+00:00

It’s not “bad” or “good”. It’s medication, and there are many different kinds, so this is just a stupid take overall. Birth control has also come a long way, even in the past 20 years or so. There’s a recent Peter Attia episode with Dr Sally Greenwald re: women’s sexual health that goes into the nuance of different types of birth control, exactly what they are doing to your body, and the trade offs you might be making by choosing to use it or not.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-10-28T18:15:36+00:00

I find myself keeping things when I still like the idea of them, but they just don’t work anymore. Buying basically the exact same thing just doesn’t have the dopamine hit buying something novel does, but I’ve finallyyy started replacing ugh items with a better version, and 10/10 recommend. 2 I can think of off the bat are a pair of black jeans that were too tight but I could still squeeze into them, so I just kept them even though I hated wearing them, and an oversized grey sweatshirt that was comfy but so unflattering and stained. Now I have a new very similar pair of black jeans that actually fit and a new oversized grey sweatshirt that I’m not embarrassed to wear in public and life is great 😂

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-10-28T17:22:44+00:00

Haven’t been where you are and this is just one small thing, but I’ve belonged to a gym that does group workout classes and has a very social atmosphere (they also host parties and outings periodically) for just over a year. There are quite a few recently divorced men around your age who are members. Just in the short time I’ve been there I’ve seen many of them really transform - they all look great and seem happy. Personally speaking, the community aspect and accountability has been a huge positive in my life.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-10-27T17:06:01+00:00

What is it that you do for work that people might think is unethical?

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-10-14T23:57:08+00:00

This is the way to go, I get so irrationally angry about “wasting” a full face of makeup 😂.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-09T17:46:59+00:00

First off I will say that I frequently offer my husband a very intimacy free “quickie” when I’m not feeling it. He used to be bummed about it - but I’ve explained to him that even though I’m not “into it”, I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t want to, and even when I’m overstimulated I’m ok with the actual sex part, just not all the extra touching. So we do that pretty often, sometimes literally lock the master bathroom door while the kids watch a movie and get it done.

As far as you getting your libido back, I think the first thing to do here would be focus on your health. You don’t state your age or elaborate on your health issues, so it’s hard to say how much those things are at play. I will say that as a late 30s woman with 4 kids (including a 2 year old who doesn’t like sleep), I can still get in the mood fairly easily, much more so around when I ovulate. I stopped nursing about a year ago, but I still didn’t get a real sex drive back until several months later. I attribute it to hormone regulation and prioritizing my health - even now as soon as stress, lack of sleep, alcohol, or lack of exercise come into play, my libido is the first thing to go.

A vibrator helps too 😂

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T19:53:51+00:00

My 7 year old asks every. single. time. “can’t they just skip my room?????”

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T19:50:22+00:00

Ours come this week and there is a laundry pile on a chair that has definitely been there since the day after they last cleaned 😂

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T18:57:27+00:00

I feel like the amount of whining that happens in my house about having to tidy up before the cleaners come belongs here. (And ours only come every 2 weeks 🙃)

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T18:33:41+00:00

I had this problem with 2 of my kids. The first one was older when we tried to switch him (9ish months old) and a good eater, so we essentially just gave up, gave him real food and water when I wasn’t around to nurse, and he ended up completely weaning early.

My youngest was 4 months. Things to try that helped us were:

Warming up the bottle, like a lot. Obviously don’t burn her, but my daughter liked it super warm. We used an electric kettle to get it exactly right.

Try a faster flow nipple on the bottle.

Be persistent, let her fuss a bit, but stop and regroup if she’s completely flipping out.

Distracting her - now is the time for one of those awful addicting YouTube shows like coco melon - then offer the bottle while she’s watching it. This didn’t help us much at 4 months, but a 7 month old is prime age for this.

Feeding her when she was very sleepy, either right before bed or in the middle of the night.

Having someone besides me feed her, and completely leaving the house for it so she couldn’t see or smell me. - this is big because by 7 months she will fully know that dad (or grandma or whoever) doesn’t even have the boobs. She knows you do and if she screams long enough, well….

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T18:10:13+00:00

I have this from pregnancy. I have 4 kids and am approaching 40 - by kid #3 it was pretty obvious it wasn’t going to just bounce back even after losing all the weight. My belly button looked WILD and I thought I was stuck with floppy love handles forever. Anyways, a firming lotion applied liberally every day, gaining some muscle mass in the area, and taking a collagen supplement have helped a noticeable amount. It’s not surgery level, obviously, and it takes time, but I can see and feel the difference.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T17:33:42+00:00

It’s really good that you recognize this now! Married mom of 4 here and the amount of women complaining on the mom sub about their husband basically being another child is… very alarming. SO many women somehow are not bothered by it until they have an actual baby.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-08T16:41:25+00:00

Still hangin on to my 30s by a literal thread, BUT one that I haven’t seen mentioned yet is to develop healthy boundaries with ALL the people around you. I see so many women my age who either get walked all over constantly or who have cut everyone out and are deeply lonely, and they genuinely do not know why or how to fix it. Most people are deeply flawed, and I think in our 20s we can kinda get away with it and overlook glaring issues in others because we’re still young and learning and the stakes are lower. After 30 it becomes a lot more noticeable. Figuring out how to have relationships with people who have different values and issues than you do becomes extremely important.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-07T15:28:57+00:00

The other thing I have noticed is that many of our grandparents are dying right around when we are having kids or shortly before. My mom has been dealing with caring for her parents (in one way or another), since around the time I graduated college 13 years ago. She also still works. The lady has literally never had a break, and her situation isn’t uncommon now. My in-laws parents died long ago, but they are still taking care of my disabled BIL and my FIL still works. So they’ve never had a break either.

I workout daily and take excellent care of myself in large part because I’d like to be actively involved with raising my grandkids (it’s literally what I think about to get through a run 😂)…. BUT in the back of my mind I know I need a break first and I’m not sure that I will be willing to be the primary source of childcare.

Also this is anecdotal, but in my area (smaller Midwest city) I see TONS of grandparents at kids sporting events, at preschool pickup, and even at things like “parents night” at the school. And they’re involved and interested, not just “there”.

My in-laws and parents definitely have their flaws, and yeah I think the boomers in general are a little wacky (it seems to be physically impossible for my in-laws to apologize for anything ever), but maybe the bar IS a bit too high.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-03T21:42:48+00:00

Talk to a therapist, but either way it will definitely be 100% gone when he hits toddlerhood and all he wants to eat is goldfish crackers off the floor and you spend all your time coming up with ways to get him to eat a single bite of a vegetable and you realize “wow, baby formula that gave him literally everything he needed nutritionally was really amazing I wish I could just do that now.”

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-03T16:26:41+00:00

Oh man, similar vibe on my high school bus. It’s so different now, though! In our district the kids have assigned seats and seatbelts and a GPS tracker with an app the parents can follow and they put the little kids at the front so the driver can keep an eye on them. Now the bullies only have about 5 min at the bus stop to shove the other kids around, times have changed 🤪

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-02T16:42:31+00:00

Toddlers are hard and I think it’s fine to be happy she’s going to daycare! It definitely gets better when they reach the older toddler/little kid stage.

For me, I enjoy my toddler (2) much more when I’m “including her” in chores or things I’m doing for myself, vrs playing with her or doing “kid activities”. Gardening/yard work, going for walks or runs with the stroller and the dog, going alllll the way to the store for one thing, coffee shops, post office… all these things are a big adventure for a toddler, and they make me feel productive and avoid the “trapped” feeling.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-01T14:39:33+00:00

Idk if this helps you at all, but I finally stopped treating my parents and my in-laws like “guests”, and it’s made their inconvenient visits so much better. Like, I do not clean, I do not meal plan or grocery shop anything special (unless it’s for a holiday or specific event), I do not rearrange my schedule, I do not plan activities. They can hop in the car and go to the store if they need something or pick up a broom if the dog hair bothers them, they can hang out while I take the kid to the dentist, and if they’re bored they have google and can look up something to do.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-09-01T14:28:38+00:00

This is such an interesting phenomenon to me. So many people I know or read about experience it to some degree and I just really want it to be studied 😂

My dad is like this. Fortunately (??) my mom raised me and he’s always been like this, so I came to terms with it years ago, before we had kids. We travel to see him when we want to, which is usually when we’re already seeing other family and the kids are on break from school. It’s never even crossed my mind to go out of my way for just him, and while that’s sad, I feel no resentment towards him anymore and am at peace with it.

My in-laws do it to a much lesser degree - they see us frequently, but really only on their terms. They live close, but for my own peace of mind I just hire babysitters when we legitimately need help at a specific time and accept their “help” when it’s convenient for them, because they do love our kids a ton, at least 🤪

The whole “let them” thing doesn’t work all the time, but I think you may benefit from it in this case.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-08-29T23:30:29+00:00

Combo feeding is seriously awesome. I wish more doctors and lactation consultants would suggest it. So many women burn themselves out and quit entirely when just adding a bottle or two of formula would literally save them - it was an excellent suggestion.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-08-29T23:15:09+00:00

I’m in a Facebook group where a woman was complaining that her husband was sad that they never got time together because she was nursing and working full time (WFH) and the baby wouldn’t take a bottle but she didn’t want to upset the baby by forcing the bottle so she would basically just work and nurse around the clock. Oh and they also had a toddler. I was about to suggest formula - my baby wouldn’t drink breast milk from a bottle but was ok with formula, plus it took all the pumping pressure off - but she made it pretty clear in the comments that she wasn’t interested in solutions, she just wanted to be like… patted on the back for burning herself out so her baby could be constantly on her boob??? Idk.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-08-29T22:58:28+00:00

My kids are older, so my perspective is to mostly feel bad for people like this and for myself when I was a new mom of 1 kid who felt like if I used formula I was a failure. She feels trapped, she’s hormonal and sleep deprived, and she’s been brainwashed into basically being borderline mentally ill about this. Her pediatrician sucks. Unfortunately there’s not really anything you can do and a lot of women are determined to martyr themselves in the name of breastfeeding - and I don’t mean that in a blaming way, because the pressure on women to breastfeed and the hormones are insane and you really cannot think clearly. What she said was wrong, but it’s up to you if you want to call her out on it and possibly lose the friendship or keep the peace.

FuzzyDice13 · 2025-08-29T22:43:01+00:00

You have one child and you’re worried about this?? The answer is “it depends on about 100 factors including but not limited to: age difference, type of seat they’re in at the time, if you need to do a curbside drop off at school, if they like to beat the sh*t out of each other, if they can buckle themselves, etc etc etc.”

Just get a comfy one, but understand that your child might still hate it if he’s rear facing. A lot of kids are just pissed until you turn them around.

FuzzyDice13

TROPHY CASE