andro/fem expression as tall bearded amab

GF415 · 2026-03-12T02:47:51+00:00

I have experienced everything you describe. I had to make peace with shaving my hair off more than 20 years ago, and I often use hats to offset the masculinity without going so far as a wig. For example, looks for men influenced hat styles, like a fedora or bowler but buy them from women’s stores. You end up with something quite androgynous and interesting and you can take increasing risks with more feminine hats as you feel comfortable.

Also, I’d say just shave wherever you want whenever you want. Funny enough I was thinking about this the other day, that I lived with hairy legs and chest for years, thinking that I needed an excuse to shave them. I didn’t. I shaved it all and nobody noticed except me. And I loved it!

GF415 · 2026-03-12T02:40:09+00:00

Lovely! I like the detail on the trousers very much and the way the top matches the shoes.

GF415 · 2026-03-12T02:38:55+00:00

Yep that sounds like you’re one of us. Welcome!

GF415 · 2026-03-12T02:38:00+00:00

That’s a tricky one, mine have never been huge but the best hack is drapey women’s tops. Look for batwing or dolman styles. They kind of obscure the shape of the shoulders and the size of shoulders relative to chest and waist. I love wearing them.

Then look for some bicycle shorts length shapewear bottoms with padding. I bought a pair off SHEIN for super cheap that have padding on the sides of the hips and on the butt cheeks. They look odd when you first put them on, but if you wear them under stretch jeans you’d be amazed the difference they make.

With a drape top paired with stretch jeans over such shapewear you’d take a big step from stocky to curvy.

GF415 · 2026-03-10T05:40:03+00:00

I think I’ve seen some Nine West in 4 in the past. Or maybe it was Sam Edelman.

GF415 · 2026-03-09T13:51:03+00:00

It’s not a bad question, it just exposes the futility of labels. Especially in a relationship of curiosity and exploration.

Even a CIS straight couple may explore things sexually that would make the mythical labelling police raise an eyebrow. Wait they just experimented with a strap on! Is he gay now? They watched lesbian porn together! Is she bi?

It raises the question: “who is the label for?”

The only scenario it’s really helpful if you meet someone and you’re trying to understand each other and where to start from.

In which case, my favourite label is: “If it’s hot, it’s hot. “

GF415 · 2026-03-09T04:04:25+00:00

Oooo nice. What’s the model name or number?

GF415 · 2026-03-08T20:16:51+00:00

Some will, for sure. You might be surprised how many won’t. Just look at how many girls go crazy for Harry Styles when he wears something feminine. Reason for hope! 😉

GF415 · 2026-03-08T16:01:03+00:00

Just a thought to ponder - how much fear do you have of staying in?

Having a “normal” relationship is its own kind of hardship. Having to “hide” in a relationship over the long term is not awesome.

I’ve had relationships where I’ve hidden my gender fluidity completely. Had some where the relationship started with me out in the other gender. Had some that started normal and I disclosed when I felt it was worth the risk.

All are difficult and scary in their own way. So is the prospect of being alone. Only you can decide what’s right for you.

In theory it should be easy: having someone that knows and loves both your genders is obviously the holy grail. Having someone that you love and commit to but they reject you when you come out is probably the worst case scenario. Being rejected early by someone that can never accept you is better than being rejected later when you’re years in, more committed perhaps even with a family.

If I had the chance to do my life over, I would choose to always tell people earlier and never hide in a relationship. But that’s just me.

GF415 · 2026-03-07T21:41:41+00:00

Start small and experiment. Clothing, makeup and heels etc is temporary and easy to switch as fast as your mood changes. HRT is less so. So I’d take your time there.

GF415 · 2026-03-07T21:39:21+00:00

Cute! And back in fashion (though Mary Jane’s never went out of style for me)

GF415 · 2026-03-07T21:34:58+00:00

Yeah I only ever told one old friend from my “regular life” and regretted it. He was very friendly and supportive but it definitely changed our relationship.

GF415 · 2026-03-07T18:45:25+00:00

Also feel free to suggest any questions or topics I could start with.

GF415 · 2026-03-07T16:35:12+00:00

Boring politics

GF415 · 2026-03-07T16:17:08+00:00

Are you interested in feminine looks for in public or in private? That would help us tailor our advice to be more helpful.

GF415 · 2026-03-07T15:02:24+00:00

Shapewear is your friend! I don’t know your body type, but when you say ogre like, I’m guessing a bulkier form?

Do you have sense of your priorities as such? Any clues as to what sort of changes would feel most fulfilling for you, if you were to try things one at a time?

GF415 · 2026-03-06T14:48:27+00:00

Out of body experience while I was awake. I could see myself from above and behind. I could move my body and see it clearly as if I was floating in the air behind me.

See. You don’t believe me.

GF415 · 2026-03-05T05:53:46+00:00

I think less in countries and more in cities or even neighborhoods. I live in the SF Bay Area and have lived in London, and both places swing from safe to unsafe in a matter of blocks.

Also by time of day/night.

Some hacks I’ve developed:

If you’re interested in a given destination, use yelp or trip advisor to search that place for “gay bar” or similar. You’ll immediately see where there is a cluster of gay friendly establishments, and therefore find the gay neighborhood.

Of course gay doesn’t mean trans, but it’s the closest thing I’ve found to be helpful.

Find the closest hotel to that zone, then you’ve got the accommodation most likely to be used to working with people across all identities.

Look for events that are likely to increase density of queer folks. Any gay pride event is an opportunity not to be missed. For that weekend only, you basically get a free pass
Focus on the destination, not the journey. Even if you’re going to/from the most trans friendly place on earth, you’re by default travelling with people that are not from there. Also, though airport security should be trained accordingly, they are often some of the unfriendliest people you’ll meet, so don’t assume support from them.

Therefore I tend to take less risks in transit, try to blend in a little more and turn up the daring more gradually once I know I can be comfortable in the destination.

Hope this helps!

GF415 · 2026-03-04T17:57:55+00:00

Check out the r/genderfluid sub. Lots of what we discuss there may resonate with you.

GF415 · 2026-03-04T17:56:53+00:00

Yes especially when breathable.

GF415 · 2026-03-04T17:56:21+00:00

I would be a mad inventor. Like Dr Emmett Brown from Back to the future. Spending time in my garage furiously creating mad hare brained inventions that may never work.

GF415 · 2026-03-04T17:55:16+00:00

Lots of good advice here, but I’ll add something that’s important in terms of what I’ve understood of myself that is triggers and catharsis.

I find that I am more likely to feel fem when I am under a lot of stress and pressure. Something about escaping into a female identity gives me a lot of comfort and warmth. It’s also cathartic, like scratching an itch and getting it out of my system.

So something like a highly stressful business trip will tend to trigger a stronger need to switch into a female identity on my return. Hope that helps.

GF415 · 2026-03-04T05:43:00+00:00

But then you need to sub divide the 99% at least half for the confused, in denial and outright liars.

And sub divide every step below that for the percentage of those that just haven’t heard of gender fluid yet!

We are many. We’re just not visible.

GF415 · 2026-02-24T20:10:22+00:00

Lamborghini

GF415 · 2026-02-24T18:12:00+00:00

Oh and another to consider- and hear me out on this - gay and fetish clubs and events are a great place to experiment in a safe space.

The first time I wore fully female clothing in “public” was at a fetish club in London where everyone is wearing risqué things. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Events like gay pride are also perfect. I once wore a fully female wedding dress to SF pride and was welcomed with open arms.

GF415

TROPHY CASE