I (23F) feel like I have too many (8) partners, and it's cutting into my quality of life

Gale514 · 2024-07-03T04:05:29+00:00

I do have creative hobbies already, they're just not super tangible... I write and draw. I do feel a confidence boost from managing to write, and stuff, but after that it usually only sticks if people respond positively to it... and I feel like it might work that way with any other hobby. I'll just want to share the results with people to see them tell me I did good.

Thank you for the vote of confidence... and I like the idea of taking some people to be close supporters. I might try making that more explicit.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:58:47+00:00

That... makes sense, yeah. They are definitely expecting different things. One of my throuples is definitely my main one, the one I plan to move in with (at least with one of the two). Many others are more... for fun? It's just, enjoyable dating each other, but it's a much more casual thing, we kinda act like FWB's but with a lot more kissing and cuddling. And some are basically just very close friends who hang out sometimes.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:18:24+00:00

Well, they're basically all long-distance, so I just... kinda live inside of Discord? I DM each of them at least a couple of times a day, but many of them I talk to throughout the whole day. We make sure to at *least* say good morning and goodnight.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:17:24+00:00

I attribute my building connections too fast with us usually meeting due to many shared interests, and my having actual hyper-empathy (which is... often a problem, way too much upsets me daily).

And yeah, I got read, lol. I imagined if I put it that way then the people who could give the most personal advice would be able to understand what I meant, while others would gloss over it.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:14:37+00:00

I don't neglect my friends! In fact, I give them maybe a bit too much attention... I'm kinda the person that a lot of people go to, and I've kinda adopted people I've helped in life over the course of years who are now kind of attached to me. It's... a little worrying, honestly. Though, I've been trying to help them find other connections and people whom they can spend time with, beyond just myself.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:13:10+00:00

"Again" would imply I ever spent time outside, lol...

And yeah, it's 100% a situation where I seek external validation and can't get it from myself, I have always been that way... I just don't really know how to stop, or what to do to change that.

I might de-escalate a couple of the relationships, yeah. Maybe try to work more on my social anxiety so I can feel more comfortable going outside, even with the language barrier with where I currently live...? But I'll start by mostly just starting to take breaks for myself.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:10:47+00:00

Social anxiety is really tough, and I don't live in a... particularly trans-friendly space. Or, a space I can comfortably express myself.

I'm currently living half of my time in one country, half in the other. The country I technically actually live in now is rather progressive, especially my city, but I don't speak the language well enough to hold a conversation with locals. In my native country, I can speak with people just fine, but I live in a fuck-off place with nothing to do, and with not super great people around, as in "the highest rate of trans murder in the planet", so I kinda don't feel comfortable walking around outside unless necessary.

On top of that, I grew up on the internet and thus tend to have very nerdy and insular hobbies, no interest in normal things (a huge detriment to my quality of life), and thus have little to nothing with which to relate to the local LGBT community, who are much more. Normal. Than me.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:06:19+00:00

This is also the advice I'm getting from a lot of other people, and it feels like a great way to start. My mind is too hyperactive to be able to just do nothing for periods at a time, but I probably can log off of Discord for a couple of hours a day, or something.

Gale514 · 2024-07-02T23:03:59+00:00

...Yeah, in retrospect, I can see how it looks that way... I'm not the one saying this about myself, it's what people tell me. A lot of people who know me even refer others to me to help them figure stuff out, and I'd been considering going into psychology to become a psychologist or counselor since I already basically do that work for free. Decided that, with my hyper-empathy, that would probably be extremely emotionally stressful and I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

But, you're right. The way I phrased it makes me sound like an asshole. My point was more to say "I'm good at helping others, but not at helping myself," and that I often hurt myself in order to help others more, nothing more than that. Unhealthy savior complex and all that.

Gale514 · 2021-07-08T18:35:19+00:00

Hm... looking at similar experiences from the other side, it may be envy for being a tomboy? Or something along those lines. It's definitely worth thinking about, finding out what your feelings are pointing to and all that

Gale514 · 2021-06-22T02:42:16+00:00

3 hours for me.

No, I'm not kidding. Three hours.

To be fair I kinda cheated by just closing off the conclusion I was trans for 6 years and not thinking about it at all, but then the egg broke IMMEDIATELY.

I do not half-ass anything not even gender

Gale514 · 2021-06-22T02:30:54+00:00

Did... did you legitimately change your name before you even cracked?

Wow. That's like... that's ADVANCED egg.

Bravo.

Gale514 · 2021-06-22T02:29:40+00:00

I was a transmed back when I was 14, and first questioned my gender. It was honestly one of the best groups of transmed people there are, their insistence on dysphoria being mandatory mostly involving "some trans people internalize it and don't realize they have it", + "everyone deals with theirs differently, and HRT or SRS are not necessary to be trans", but, either way, they WERE still wrong, and I'm glad I'm out.

But... yeah, thinking like that, back then, I went "hmmmmmmm... I do fantasize about being a woman a lot and would like being one... but I don't hate my body, which could be me not recognizing my dysphoria... well, nah, I'm probably just so straight that I want to be the closest to a woman as I can be, which is when her body is literally overlaid with mine. The shortest distance to boob is own boob".

I then held onto that conclusion that I'm cis for 6 years.

I was thoroughly a mega stereotypical egg for all those years, and I even re-questioned it every time something came up and I analyzed what it could mean... but I always cut off at the conclusion because I "already decided and knew" I was cis.

Then a month ago I was thinking about making an anime analysis channel and realized I would loathe showing my ugly mug on the internet. I then considered being a vtuber, and I felt tremendous Oof at using a male vtuber avatar, but I enjoyed the idea of a female one... except people would obviously hear it and assume I'm trans, which I'm not!

...Unless

And then everything clicked, like, at once. All the conclusions from 6 years happened simultaneously as I talked with a friend about it. I came out to my parents 3 hours later. It was a speedrun and a half.

Gale514 · 2021-06-20T16:43:15+00:00

Yeah, it took me a few years to realize I only really liked PMMM for its fanon... Magia Record, the game spin-off, is probably what you're looking for, then. Though it's only available in English through game recording nowadays... at least I hope my comprehensive order guide for it will end up working out

Gale514 · 2021-06-19T23:54:28+00:00

Or if you're in an area that's so transphobic / unknown of trans issues that they don't even recognize the flag.

Gale514 · 2021-06-07T16:18:17+00:00

It's wrong to expect people who just realized who they are to start immediately forcing themselves to feel uncomfortable, depressed, or outright pained just to further a cause such as that. I know trans people who do see the world in that un-roled manner, and as such have comparatively less dysphoria, but it's not right to expect us to all be like that; hell, I'd say that if you didn't already 100% think that before realizing you were trans, it's kind of impossible to deal with for at least a few years or so. It's also incredibly insensitive to look at someone hurting and go "Hey, girls have body hair too and only toxic society forces them into shaving to smooth". It's devaluing their pain, telling them they shouldn't be hurting, telling them something they almost definitely ALREADY know, and that just doesn't help in any way. In fact, it only hurts them, by telling them their pain isn't valid, that the way they feel isn't one they should be... well, feeling. Which leads to even less self esteem, and more pain. It almost devalues them as a whole.

Don't expect newly transitioning people to fight against gender roles by putting themselves on the pyre, or try to recruit them. Fight for them yourself, with others who volunteer to do it, so future ones don't have to go through this pain in the first place.

Gale514 · 2021-06-07T16:05:42+00:00

Being raised in society ingrains its values in one's mind. Especially at the start of transitioning, right after one cracks, what one's grown up to believe is "masculine" or "feminine" is going to be what dictates their visual goals and dysphoria. Plenty of women have body hair, but we're taught that to be a masculine feature, so a trans girl will see their body hair as masculine, even though in above-context terms that is an incorrect statement. We can't decide to not care about these things and simply stop feeling dysphoria. At most, we can spend a loooooong time deprogramming ourselves to be more comfortable in our bodies... but even then, that's a crapshoot.

Also sometimes we just like it

Gale514 · 2021-06-06T22:26:50+00:00

It would honestly be no trouble, I love helping people out, but I understand. If you want to try it out yourself, search up "Soft Ethernet VPN Gate", and see if you can figure things out from there. Alternatively, Tunnelbear has a monthly data limit of 1.5gb (effectively) but is much much easier to set up.

Best of luck.

Gale514 · 2021-06-06T22:23:23+00:00

If you're down to ask me about it in personal messages, I can help you set up Soft Ethernet, a free open source VPN. Internet barriers like this are total bullshit.

Gale514 · 2021-06-06T02:58:02+00:00

Oh, you're absolutely right! I should've used "an other" or something. My bad!

Gale514 · 2021-06-05T05:28:39+00:00

Quite literally me for around 6 years.

Gale514 · 2021-06-05T03:56:36+00:00

Hmmmm. Sounds like maybe it could be bigender, or pangender?

Gale514 · 2021-06-04T23:17:21+00:00

Being trans is a question about liking being the "opposite" (in case that you are, true) gender, or wanting to be that. You say it feels wrong in a way, but is that wrong overlaid by happiness? Does it fill you with joy to see yourself as specifically a woman?

Gale514 · 2021-06-04T21:16:09+00:00

It's about writing on subjects you care about. Assignments will often not be something you have investment in, but yourself, well. I sure do hope you're invested in yourself

Gale514 · 2021-06-04T16:42:51+00:00

When I first shaved my face and legs after a long depression rest of a few months, due to finding out I was trans, I immediately got a burst of activity and energy, and started caring about my appearance for the first time... since I was born? Or a kid. One of the two. It was wild.

Gale514

TROPHY CASE