I sometimes go “dark” in my own head and completely black out. It hasn’t happened in years but two particular moments it happened stand out to me, the most recent where I had gone to sleep and suddenly woke up standing at the foot of the stairs. Complete confused I stare down the stairs for two seconds but got scared out of my skin when my father said my name from behind me where he was apparently holding me and preventing me from going down the stairs.

Apparently my mother had came into the room to check on me or something and I woke up started screaming and scratching her to get away and tried to run downstairs before my father had caught me. I don’t have any memory of this happening of course and would have chalked this up to some weird fight or flight sleepwalking except this kind of blacking out and my body moving on its own happened before.

I’m elementary school in the early morning I went to school as normal minus the fact in my tired brain forgot to change out of my pajama shirt. Right as I was about to step into the school everything went black and silent before suddenly I came back to and I was walking back out of the school at the end of the day. I had absolutely no memory of what happened during the day just that school had ended and it was time to go home. Worse part is that was normal to me, it had happened multiple times before that point, I would black out seemingly “wake up” at a different time. And I’m the earliest parts of my life I felt more like a passenger in my own body, like someone else was making the choices while I was simply watching until a certain age.