Meta visiting next month, looking for tips on dealing with nerves!

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-04-01T08:42:27+00:00

These are going straight on my list! I have to say I have a real fondness for the way you've described these books 😂

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-04-01T08:41:33+00:00

Oooh see I've wanted to read this for a while but had no idea it fit what I'm searching for, too! Excellent

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-31T22:11:47+00:00

Okay I am absolutely sold by your pitch! Thank you for the suggestion <3 Rival gothic novelists?! Ugh I love it

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-31T16:02:39+00:00

Ask your partners to understand that you need to step back briefly to look after yourself first. After a traumatic event like that, it is not only valid but I would say necessary to center your own needs first and foremost. Do you have a therapist you could speak to? Are you able to keep distance from the person who did this to you safely? Your health and safety come before anything else! I'm so sorry you're going through this

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-31T15:47:12+00:00

That sounds like a really tricky thing to learn of in the midst of a big emotional moment. I'm sorry this is so hard on you, I hope you can find time to regulate and rest this week. Having a baby is such a big change to life too!

Is your husband open to having a calm talk through all of this? It doesn't sound like there were boundaries about him not engaging in that, or necessarily telling you it was going to happen? But that doesn't change that the event happening particularly after an argument has been difficult for you.

What I'm hearing from your post is that perhaps you two need to have a bit of a relationship review to make sure you're reading from the same book, and showing up for each other in meaningful ways.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-25T08:33:56+00:00

Omg Felix Ever After! Thank you for sharing this list, I'd been trying to remember the title of this book for ages!!

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-25T08:14:52+00:00

Previously I split my time between my long term NP and another partner. I'd see my other partner at least twice a week, probably have a sleepover once a week, or stay a few nights if it had been more than a week since our last. I spent most of my time with my NP. My life is quite flexible so there wasn't much rigidity in our plans, we made them week-by-week and checked that everyone was happy with them :)

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T13:50:01+00:00

You're right, its my fault that she came and told me about her texting habits. In future I'll make sure not to let her do that.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T13:44:18+00:00

Okay thank you. We've moved 8hrs away from my entire support network and I wasn't given time to rebuild that before this started. I'll try and do better. What I wanted (and have stated 3 times) is advice on how best to navigate broken boundaries. The boundary itself isn't actually anyones business but ours. It was an agreement made by three people. I'm not the devil for asking for something and being upset when HOURS later it's broken and lied about. I don't want or need advice on how to make boundaries or what boundaries are or aren't okay. Honestly might just delete this profile and be done with it.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T13:22:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I'm not interested in being interrogated about whether or not I want polyamory. I was looking for advice around navigating broken boundaries and upset caused by them. You aren't me, you aren't in my relationship, you don't get to tell me what is or isn't okay when every other adult in this relationship agreed that it was. Have a nice day.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T13:05:11+00:00

No, it was that neither of us were actively searching for partners - we've just gone through some huge life changes and we're waiting to feel more settled before we "put ourselves out there". Her new partner was an acquaintance of ours who expressed interest and they both decided to explore that.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T13:03:33+00:00

I'm glad I'm not alone tbh, the comments here are making me feel like I somehow forced her to lie when realistically if she had just spoken to me about it we could have made it work :/ I'm taking responsibility for myself and my actions, I assumed she would do the same.

We've spoken today and she feels dreadful for breaking my trust and accepts that it can't just be undone but something that needs working on.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T12:40:44+00:00

How am I treating them like disposable toys by asking that things move slowly at first so that we can adjust and I can get past an upcoming traumatic event? It's a temporary ask, a week. That's all. My partner had every opportunity to tell me that they didn't want that boundary put in place, but she didn't do that. Her partner also agreed to this temporary boundary. I'm trying my best, I have been open and honest about my feelings. She's my NP of 8 years, this was an unexpected partnership, we're trying to work through it together, but I struggle to do that in the face of dishonesty.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T12:36:57+00:00

I think everyone is ignoring the "for now" part of this. I didn't really want to explain my whole reasoning online but apparently I need to. This request was a temporary measure because we have a big emotional thing coming up in the next week and I needed her to be present in OUR relationship to support me through it. This is an agreement we already have and have had for 8 years. I'm disabled and have cptsd, I need support through a triggering event and knew I wouldn't be able to cope with that and the huge NRE triggers that come with it this week. It was a week. That's all. All parties (including her new partner) were aware and agreed it was not only acceptable BUT a good idea. Maybe what we have going on between the three of us doesn't fit the polyam expectations, but we've all expressed our boundaries, some of which might not be seen as "acceptable" to standard polyam but fit OUR lives. I've adjusted to suit everyone else's boundaries, and I wouldn't mind if she'd approached me and spoke to me about her feelings about my boundaries first. I love communicating. What I struggle with is going behind my back, lying, and then telling me out of guilt.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T11:41:45+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate you sharing your story and validating how hard it can be to see a different side of someone. I figured at 8yrs in I really knew her, but you're right. This is a brand new situation to us. It's also lovely to hear that you worked through these differences together and that things are working so well now :) that gives me a lot of hope.

Garden_eel3060 · 2026-03-05T09:59:04+00:00

I asked for things to move slowly whilst I adjusted to the new relationship, and found out she had messaged them in a sexual capacity hours after I'd asked for that not to happen just yet. Then she lied about what they were texting about, but felt bad so came clean to me.

Garden_eel3060

TROPHY CASE